


Indivisible

by Yakus_heart



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, Apocalypse, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Betrayal, Character Death, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Eating Disorders, Headcanon, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Injury, M/M, Major Character Injury, Near Death Experiences, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Permanent Injury, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Rape/Non-con Elements, Seizures, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Trans Male Character, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:48:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 71,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26670907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yakus_heart/pseuds/Yakus_heart
Summary: The team of Karasuno high had always been blessed with uncanny luck and miracles. The issue was that miracles refused to come when they truly wished for it. Miracles and luck were myths painted red with the blood of the innocent.
Relationships: Goshiki Tsutomu/Shirabu Kenjirou, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Inuoka Sou/Shibayama Yuuki, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Shibayama Yuuki & Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 48
Kudos: 40





	1. Indivisible

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written something like this before. I actually wrote this before but didn't like it so I rewrote it and this is the result. This chapter is about 8k. I wrote it in a little less than two full days.
> 
> I really appreciate comments and sharing.
> 
> If you have any questions then you can put those in the comments too!
> 
> I love interacting with people who read my stories. If you give me suggestions for plot points I'll take them into consideration!

The team of Karasuno high had always been blessed with uncanny luck and miracles. The issue was that miracles refused to come when they truly wished for it. Miracles and luck were myths painted red with the blood of the innocent.

About a 2 months ago, a tragedy occurred. A huge earthquake racked the islands of Japan with no mercy, mother nature taking out her anger on their poor country compiled of islands. Their enemies found this to be the perfect chance for revenge for past and present decisions made by their government and military.

Martial law had been enacted with the threat of enemies attacking or infiltrating the land badly damaged by the shit storm that preceded the declarations of war. School wasn't the same without the ability to walk to the convenience store run by their coach and pick up meat buns after practice.

It wasn't fun to see soldiers patrolling the streets and the halls of their schools. It was no fun when their dreams of nationals were crushed by a restriction imposed by their crumbling government. They couldn't even visit their friends outside of school or their neighborhoods.

One of the least fun things about it was the bracelet that was on his wrist.

_Yū Nishinoya, 2nd-year high school volleyball player, age 17, 10.10_

It made him feel sick to look at it every morning. But that was 2 months ago. 1 month ago, everything suddenly seemed to die on the damaged island. It all died more than it had already been dead- if that made the slightest bit of sense- when one of their enemies found satisfaction in killing more Japanese citizens and otherwise with a bomb. Nothing nuclear, but the way the ground shook wasn't fun.

There were millions of things he would never understand about the world. One was math. Two was English. Seriously, English was hard, he would rather stick to Japanese. Above all that would be a simple question with an unclear answer:

_Why?_

Why when their travel bans had loosened up and some of their friends and rivals from Tokyo and elsewhere were going to visit, did a bomb have to drop on Honshu island? Why, enemies of Japan, did you choose that day?

The soldiers disappeared from the streets and so did the orderly people. Everything familiar disappeared. Yu wasn't sure why he didn't let himself die. It would've been easy to end it quickly with the glass shards that had been stuck into his shoulder. He broke his wrist, but for some reason it brought much less comfort when it wasn't a volleyball injury.

The libero wondered what his friends were up to while he lived off of what had been left of their normal food and their rations. He wondered if they watched him with amusement from the heavens, or if they were still waiting for their last breaths somewhere. Both thoughts made him shiver.

If they were dead then maybe it would be fine if he just-

There was a loud knocking on the front door that startled him out of his morbid thoughts. The front door was still standing which gave him a false sense of security. Most of the walls still stood, albeit whole or in pieces. It wouldn't be hard for someone to get in though with the piles of rubble outside everywhere _but_ the door that kept him trapped here. Or rather he used it to trap himself.

There's a long silence that makes him stand in the middle of the hallway and simply stare at the door as if daring whoever or whatever was on the other side to move. Whatever it was, it's gone. An air of apprehension hangs in his lonely silence.

\------

When night falls he takes the chance and opens the door, expecting to find some tall military guy, but instead discovers a box at his doorstep. The slow movement to look down was mentally agonizing as his mind unhelpfully ran through hundreds of items that could be in the box, but when he finally sees it...he swears he forgot to breathe for a second.

It appeared to be a bento wrapped in what was probably the cleanest cloth they could find, with a note pinned to it-

_Bring what you need, and anything else useful. We need our guardian angel- Asahi_

Was this some military pricks messing with his brain or- he almost laughed at his second thought- had I been the timid ace who came to the door earlier? They either knew he wouldn't answer, or the big idiot had been too nervous to call out his name in fear of getting an undesirable response from someone who..wasn't him.

Yu picked up the box slowly and grinned at the orange cloth that kept it covered. That was Shouyo's- or well- he claimed it belonged to his little sister. There was a pang in his chest as he hoped that the middle blocker's kid sister was alright despite probably being terrified. The reason why he didn't bother to worry about Shouyo himself was because this alone was proof that his friend was okay for now.

There were no directions but he didn't need any. He knew the route to school by heart. If he walked there starting in the early morning around 8, he would make it there around 8:45, no later than maybe 9:15. Or- fuck it, why wait until morning when his team was waiting for him now.

With this thought in mind he packed up two bookbags full of stuff. One was his stuff, clothes, phone, things he would need when he got there for sure. The other was full with whatever rations and other food and water he could fit inside. With the moon as his guide, he edits the home, glancing back at it, as he knew that sadly this would be the last time he would ever leave this place for school. He gives a silent prayer to the dead body lying trapped in the living room before setting off.

Nishinoya wasn't one to cry a lot, usually when he was happy, though. Nothing beat the flow of salty tears that reached his taste buds via the smile on his face. Knowing Karasuno was waiting for him, knowing his team was waiting for him- 45 minutes went by just like that. And he found himself at the familiar gates. He takes a single step forward and a string catches on his foot. He's seen and played enough zombie apocalypse horrors to know where this was going.

There was a loud crash as the tug of the line caused at least two glass bottles to drop from somewhere and shatter, made to alert whoever set it. It wouldn't be a problem because whoever put it there would know exactly where it was and could easily avoid it. Yu freezes in place. At least it wasn't a bomb or something soon a figure appeared. Two of them. Large figures that were the Captain and ace without a doubt. Pulling out his phone as a light source, he gets over a second trap meant as a backup before turning the light to the two other students.

They looked grown as usual, or more so than usual as they jogged towards him. Although his eyes were blurred from tears, he could see the smile that split through Asahi's face as he pulled the libero into a tight hug. He releases the smaller wordlessly before making him turn off his flashlight. Despite being halfway dragged to the gym by his friend's hand in the dark, he hasn't felt this at-ease in a very long time.

The familiar doors of gym two open before him. Nishinoya can feel the tense air that hung around the atmosphere until Daichi flicked back on the light of Noya's phone, pointing it at his friends, while Azumane shined his own flashlight on him. Then suddenly all the tension was quickly gone.

There was Shouyo, and Ryuu, and Ennoshita, and Yamaguchi and for a second he felt his heart leap with happiness, but said heart missed the landing on the other side and sank. "Where's Kiyoko and Yachi?" And he had to take a moment to think of who else was missing "Or Suga?"

There's a brief pause before Daichi chooses to answer his first inquiry with "The girls aren't here. They got picked up by the military or something early on, but they're together." And with that, Yu awaits his second answer before daring to react. This time it's Kageyama who answers "He's trying to get some sense out of someone who was with our friends on the day of the drop."

The small brunette looks between the taller two, then back to the others when finally Shouyo explains "It's Goshiki!" There's another pause where Kageyama butts in again "Tsutomu Goshiki, he was a first year at Shiratorizawa. As far as we know, he was with their setter and some other Shiratorizawa students traveling with our friends to take them to us, since Shiratorizawa is inside the restricted zone and Sejoh and Johzenji plus obviously the schools in tokyo are outside of it. That's not the point though, the point is that he got separated from everyone else somehow and he won't tell us a thing!"

The raven-haired male appears more frustrated than anything. Shouyo tries to shush him with an "Oi, calm down, Bakayama! It's not his fault!" at which point they begin to bicker as per usual and for some reason that makes him feel at home.

\--------

When morning comes around, the libero can finally get good looks at everyone without the restrictions of the dark night. He took it all in slowly, so much so that Asahi gave him a weird look when he kneeled beside him with a pair of scissors in hand that he was glad we're not meant to be used on him. "Everything alright, Noya?"

"Yeah, better than the last few months. It's just...I realized how you guys look like you're losing weight while I have been well fed for two months."

Asahi just gave him an awkward smile "we're okay. We've been here for different periods of time. Hinata and Kageyama were here first. Daichi brought Suga, then Tsukki brought Yamaguchi. I got here after all of them and ended up finding Ennoshita in bad shape when out looking for supplies."

Yu instinctively searches for Ennoshita who is nowhere to be found. Once again Asahi is explaining to him "He's trying his hand at diplomacy with the Shiratorizawa boy if you want to see him."

In an instant, Nishinoya has jumped to his feet and hurried off to the storage closet a bit startled to see it transformed into a sort of med bay. As he was told, the wing spiker was sitting in a chair beside a makeshift bed, speaking so low that he couldn't hear. A few feet away, closer to where Noya stood was Suga looking through some books. The Shiratorizawa player in question had blunt-cut bangs, fitting a bowl-cut description however it had grown out.

The boy looked beat up, silent. His skin was pale, probably from fear. He looked haunted. It sent a shiver down his spine. "Um-" he tries to think of something to say, but doesn't even have a chance when Tsutomu lifts his head. Slowly. Those haunted...haunted eyes are fixed on him now. For the first time since he got here, probably, he mumbled softly "Ken...ma…"

Sugawara turns so fast it would be logical to worry about him injuring his neck. He exchanged glances with Yu and then with Ennoshita. All he can manage is "What?"

Goshiki doesn't pull his eyes away from him. "I... can't…." He paused. "Nevermind...he's probably-"

"What happened to all of you?" Chikara interrupted, receiving a slight whimper in response. "There was gunshots and the bus crashed...then turned over...we got out but then we were.." Goshiki paused again, his breath audibly trembling. "Chased…some people chased us with guns, Oikawa blew out his knee, someone else blew out Ushijima's skull, the bullet went clean through-"

The stress is written on his face, making him clench tighter onto his jeans. "I don't know what happened but we lost Ushi and Semi and Yamamoto and Tendou, and Akaashi, and Terushima-"

"Alright slow down," Chikara tries to comfort him by placing a hand on top of his, however he flinches away and says "I don't know who's dead and who isn't. Yaku and Bokuto weren't even with us when we ran, they took another direction entirely because Yaku got really hurt when the bus crashed! We thought we were safe, we almost made it but then everything went dark, Shirabu- was bleeding, Iwaizumi was in half a frenzy, Oikawa wouldn't stop screaming in pain and-"

There's a loud crash from the landing on the other side of the room, causing the boy to freeze up. Haunted...he looked….so haunted. Out of curiosity he looks back at the landing, watching Ryuu, Kageyama and Shouyo clumsily handling some sports equipment, and currently apologising profusely to the team captain.

Ennoshita sighed heavily "Was it just you three?"

Tsutomu shakes his head "Lev...Yamamoto...Kyotani, Kindaichi. They were there but it's super blurry. I can't...I can't think right now-" the wing spiker quickly starts sobbing, and it's silently decided that leaving him alone would be for the best at the moment.

Nishinoya exits first with his senpai and Ennoshita right behind him. "Sorry about that," Yu apologizes awkwardly. Ennoshita shook his head "that's the most we've gotten out of him since he got here and that's been- geez, when did we find him?" He turns to their senpai for answers.

"Um about two days after the drop," the setter answered. Nishinoya looked back to Ennoshita and found his eyes travelling down to his arms. Dozens of ugly scars scattered up and down both arms, topped off with burns on his forearms that travelled up to his arm to his neck on his left side. He had to force himself to tear his eyes away. It was scary in all honesty. He remembered what Asahi had said to him-

_"I got here after all of them and ended up finding Ennoshita in bad shape when out looking for supplies."_

_What happened to him?_

"So, any leads?"

A collective squawk emitted from the three boys as Daichi approached them with his hands on his hips and one of those all-business kinds of looks. Ennoshita offers an awkward smile "somewhat. He's traumatized but he gave us something of an idea where to look. We should try to see if his memory is enough to get to where he last was with his friends. If we take him back to where we found him-"

"It might trigger him," Suga butts in. "If that happens we won't be able to-"

"What other choice do we have? If they're still alive, then we'll be able to help them!" The ravenette shoots back. Yu could sense their teammates beginning to approach at the sound of arguing. He takes a few steps back and finds himself against Asahi's chest. This didn't seem good. "Yeah, we can but what about us?" Koushi gently takes him by the shoulders. "Look at us compared to Nishinoya!"

Yu finds himself barely forcing out a whisper "Don't.." and is sure he's never felt this meek and helpless since he was little.

"We're getting smaller and we'll start getting even worse the more people we have!"

"So you're just going to let our friends die?"

"Not everyone we know is our friend, we-" Sugawara gestures at everyone around the room. "Are friends, we're family, but-"

"But what about Kiyoko and Yachi? And our coaches? Hinata was super close to Kenma and Lev, Tsukishima was close with Kuroo and Bokuto, Kageyama was relatively connected with Oikawa, you can't all seriously not want them to live?" The second-year looks to his teammates for reassurance.

Several people back up slowly. Yu stays in place as Asahi's warmth leaves his back. When he looks around he finds that Shouyo, Tsukishima and Kageyama are standing in place as well, heads down or looking off the side. There were sounds of frustration from both players, although Chikara sounded more desperate for help. Suga's grip was probably tight on him.

The usual motherly and soft Koushi finally backed off and the two contrasting boys split off, Suga back to the makeshift medbay and Ennoshita off to the locker rooms. There's a tense silence that hangs in the air.

Daichi clears his throat as if it helped somehow. "Uh well, you should all get back to your chores. Nishinoya, would you mind helping me with drawing a route for us to take? If anything we need to see that they're…" he trailed off and said nothing else.

\-------

"Oi, Noya!" Ryuu interrupted them from where he stood at the table situated against the wall. Both he and Daichi lifted their heads at the same time to look at him. His friend swallows nervously "we got some new information from Goshiki, I think we should hurry."

Daichi makes a face at him that silently urges him to explain. Tanaka appears uncharacteristically nervous. "He said there was some type of military group that's picking up people and promising them safety in exchange for doing horrible things to the survivors, the Japanese military is in shambles. That was probably who was going after them." There's another nervous pause that makes Sawamura turn to him fully. "...and?"

"And he narrowly escaped. They're the cars that keep patrolling around the streets. Daichi takes a deep breath. "Alright, tell Suga to get that boy ready to go. We're going back where they found him and he should be able to lead us from there."

\-------

Sugawara was pouting the whole way. He wasn't normally a childish person, but he was probably more or less just frustrated that Daichi hadn't taken his side. Goshiki was silent beside him. Daichi held the spiker by his shoulder as they traveled down the road with light backpacks on their backs. There was no conversation among them. It was a quiet trip in which no one dared make a sound for fear of someone among them to snap. It's easy to tell when they're close because Tsutomu becomes very tense.

They pass a wrecked house where he whimpers softly and then relaxes. Then he stops. Stops dead in the middle of the road, forcing everyone else to pause just a few feet ahead. Goshiki's eyes lit up like the sky when the drop happened. He breaks into a sprint and Daichi hurries right behind him with Suga and Nishinoya in tow. They probably hadn't seen him even smile since long before the earthquake.

He sounded excited even without words. Then...he slows to a stop as he comes up to a street corner and crouches. A body. Unmoving. Everyone else slows down a few feet behind him and stares in shock.

Daichi is the first to say it in a breathy sigh "Kindaichi…" and Suga is second with "looks recent. More recent than a month."

Goshiki looks up quickly, eyes glistening with tears, but with a spark of hope. "He came back looking for the rest of us!"

Koushi nods, crossing his arms, staring down at him for a moment before kneeling beside him. Kindaichi wasn't in too bad shape, slumped against a street sign pole. Blood staining his hair and face. To Goshiki's dismay, Suga nervously begins to search the dead boy's pockets. He pulls out a handful of something.

A crumpled paper and a cat charm. Before anyone can ask, he reads out loud "Semi is dead, the others ran, if you found this, I'm probably dead too. I tried to find you, but at least find them.."

Goshiki's voice catches in his throat, preventing words from coming out. Nishinoya gently rubs his back in comforting circles. For once, the student is grinning. "They could be alive." And everyone nods. Daichi frowns though. "What should we do about him?" He gestures to the lifeless Seijoh player. Suga shakes his head "Daichi can take him to somewhere he won't be disturbed, is that okay?" Although he's answering the Captain, he was looking to Goshiki for permission.

The second-year nods silently and stands up. "We'll be going on ahead, okay?" He called to the third-years, pulling the other boy along behind him. After travelling a few feet from them, Yu decided to speak up "You seem to be in a better mood," with a grin.

"Yeah I guess...knowing that they're probably not all dead helped. That image is still burned into the back of my head."

"Image?"

"Ushiwaka got shot right in front of me. Your friends had to pin me down to clean the blood off my face. Flubbing a spike was scary but never that scary!" Goshiki's voice pitched but he seemed to be alright.

"The earthquake was scariest for me. The whole ceiling collapsed. I was saved by sturdy furniture, but I lived in a house with my dead granny for two months until my team finally figured out I wasn't dead," Yu explained in response. The mood was light yet not cheery. He looked up at the sky and the flames that lit up the morning in the distant city.

They both find the following silence rather comfortable. There's nothing better than a comfortable silence. Suddenly, Tsutomu hesitates. Nishinoya stops too. He doesn't turn. He simply stays still, holding his breath. There's a mental count going down in his head. It's only his second day with them and something like this was already happening.

He takes a deep breath.

I'm scared

The words weren't spoken but he knew the words the boy behind him wanted to say based on soft whimpering. He hears a prompt "cut the noise!" Which only cause the whimpering to increase to muffled cries. The boy has been through way too much to be yelled at needlessly by a strange man.

Daichi and Suga would save them. They would save them as soon as they realized something was wrong and that they had gotten into trouble. Suga had mother's intuition, he had to sense his distress, right?

_Right?_

He makes his breathing slow and conspicuous as if silently trying to encourage the boy to do the same. He crying softened, so he assumed that it worked. There's a click by his head. Way too close to his head. The whimpering starts again but it's not Goshiki this time.

"Let me see your tag," a rough voice demands. Slowly he raised his right hand, showing off the bracelet with his basic information on it. Although he hardly makes it out, there's an instruction to get the fuck on his knees. He compliantly lowers himself to the ground, the asphalt scraping against the skin of his knees.

There's another click, but it's not in his ears it's a few feet away where the sobbing has started. The man behind him doesn't talk, but the one pinning Goshiki is interrogating him like he was a cop and the boy was a criminal on trial. The blood pumping in Nishinoya's ears made it hard to tell what he was saying, but the crying only got worse. There are a few things he can pick out through his racing heartbeat.

"I lost it, I swear! I lost it after the drop or in the drop, I don't know where it is! I just want to get back to where I came from, I don't wanna be here, please!"

Yu hadn't even noticed the tag missing from the spiker's wrists. The guy with a gun hovering far too close to his head finally backs off from him. Footsteps begin to step back from him. They fade into the distance after a minute. He doesn't even know whats happening when arms wrap around him and pull him to his feet. His whole mind is drawing a blank, but he looks behind him to find that Goshiki is being carried by Daichi. He probably fainted.

"Nishinoya... Nishinoya!"

It takes a second for him to snap back into full consciousness, meeting the eyes of his senpai. He looks concerned with his lips pressed firmly together in a line. "They asked us for our tags…" he mumbled, falling into the third-years embrace. "Tags? Why would they want your tags?" The question Koushi poses is a good one, but rhetorical as no one had an answer anyway.

Nishinoya is sure that Daichi just shakes his head, as he has nothing to say.

\------

The next day is uneventful aside from Sugawara telling off Ennoshita because of the incident the previous day. Ennoshita didn't argue back. Goshiki went quiet again, too. The occasional bickering of the first years was a surprising comfort, though. It was probably the familiarity it brought from when all they had to argue about was a missed spike or a king set.

It had just become routine for Ryuu to burst in the door and loudly announce his presence when returning from wherever he went off to. "I come bearing gifts!" He exclaims, clearly looking proud of himself. Almost everyone gets up to inquire about what kind of gifts he could possibly have.

Out from behind his back he pulls out a plastic shopping bag. Shouyo is first to look inside, and the way his eyes sparkle is telltale enough. That meant they had some good food.

Kageyama drags his senpai over to the table to inspect how edible the contents actually are. In the meantime Noya finds himself back at the makeshift medbay, practically stalking the wing spiker that remained inside. Tsutomu appeared to be asleep, shockingly peacefully matter-of-fact. They had both scraped their knees pretty bad in their little adventure, but it could've been worse for sure.

"Nishiya!" Yu nearly jumps out of his skin when arms wrapped around his neck. "Ack- Shouyo!" He dramatically choked out, causing the middle blocker to release him. "Ah, sorry! I'm just really glad you're okay, Daichi told us what happened yesterday! Oh and also-" he takes a step back, brown eyes wide and excited "I think we found out what happened!"

"Huh?" Noya perked up. "What do you mean?"

"Right, well we got tagged when we were out!"

_Tagged: when someone asks to see your 'tag' aka the bracelet almost everyone had on their wrist or ankle. It was a form of identification._

"Really?" His voice hit a pitch he didn't expect frrom himself, but he forces himself to relax and lower his voice. "Did you tell Suga or Daichi?"

Hinata shakes his head. "No, not yet! I swear I'm going to, but…."

"But….?"

Shouyo looked down at the floor "something...happened and I... couldn't," his pale cheeks puff out with a nervous pout, his hands fiddling with wthe bottom of his T-shirt. Yu puts his hands on his friend's shoulders, forcing him to make eye contact with him. "What happened out there?"

He doesn't get a reply, just a soft whimper. Noya could feel someone's eyes on him. Tanaka, probably, concerned about the way he was interrogating the poor kid. He sighs and hugs him instead. "Tell someone if not me, okay?" He looks up without lifting his head. Indeed Ryuu was watching him. He only saw that much guilt on his face when he was having a bad playing day.

The brunette releases his friend gently and approaches the other. Ryunosuke presses his back against the edge of the table. "Noya-"

"What happened to him out there? He looks shaken!"

"We got threatened, that's all!"

"You got _what?!_ " Daichi interrupted. Now the secrecy was crashing down already. Ryu swallows nervously.

"Relax, Daichi, We just got tagged by some guys, it's fine," Tanaka waves off the captain's worry, but finds his hand getting slapped down. "Hinata!" He calls, the tangerine boy approaching with confusion. No one likes the look in Sawamura's eyes.

"When those guys threatened you, what happened?"

"They put guns to our head!"

"Did they ask you for anything else but your tags?"

Shouyo pauses for a brief second before shaking his head.

"I don't think you're telling me the truth, Hinata."

Hinata frowns, glancing around at the other players before back to Daichi. Tanaka scoffs, stepping up again "look! It's fine, it's just a bruise!" He lifts his sleeve to expose dark bruises on his upper arm. "They didn't do anything us, just grabbed onto us because the little orange tried to run and almost got shot!"

Shou sinks back, his hands clenching into his shorts and tears watering. "What he said-"

"That's not it" Daichi hissed. He was right, there was no way he would be so quiet without a good reason. The soft crying proved it.

"Hinata, we need to know what happened out there!"

The first year sinks back again, grouching down to the floor and beginning to sob, getting louder and louder until he's practically hysterical. Finally Kageyama steps in "We'll find out what happened when the little dumbass wants to talk. Until then there isn't shit we can do. The more you push it, the worse he'll get, the last thing we need is for him to close off!"

_Close off: exactly what had happened to and was happening to Tsutomu._

The captain shuts up finally as Tobio literally picks up Hinata and carries him into the locker rooms, probably to get a calmer confession. If Shouyo was scared, then things were worse than they thought. 

The following silence is tense and feels dangerous as if everyone was afraid to do so much as breath. Suga nervously clears his throat "The food Tanaka brought back is perfectly fine, so it would help us relax if we got in a good little meal, right?" He suggests, a nervous attempt to diffuse the tension that had built up in the room.

This was going to be an awkward meal.

\-------

He was right about that. The atmosphere was just as tense and awkward as he could of expected. Shouyo was asleep in the makeshift medbay- which used to be the equipment storage room- and refused to come out. He still attempted conversations when approached, but was pretty soft spoken.

"So….about today" Ennoshita mumbles, tensing his shoulders as all eyes are on him. He coughs awkwardly. "We might be in danger, so I think we might not be safe here. They probably have an idea where we're hiding thanks to our tags."

He's right. Karasuno and Shiratorizawa were the only two high schools in the area they could access. They could probably get through the gates without a problem, but if the actual military caught them in an area where they weren't supposed to be, they would still be in serious trouble.

"I'm not sure that I can leave this place," Yamaguchi interrupts. Asahi nods his agreement "it sounds kinda crazy but I feel the same way. I mean- I spent so much of my life in this gym, I wouldn't be able to go in good conscience."

There's soft murmurs of agreements but it's unclear of who they're from. Daichi appears to mumbled something to himself before coming to a conclusion "We'll hold out while we still can. As of now, this place is secure, alright? We're in minimum danger so it would be best to stay out until it's necessary. I was going to ask you all if-"

There's a buzzing sound. Then another. Then a whole round of them. It takes a moment before he realizes that the buzzing is coming from his jacket. His…

"Phone?" Kageyama says what they're all thinking. Slowly, Nishinoya pulls the device from his pocket. If the others still had functioning phones, they were probably dead, otherwise broken. However Noya had no service before so his battery hadn't died since he didn't use it.

The bright screen blinks to life. He isn't sure if he should be relieved or horrified.

_Tora 5 missed calls_

_Tora 9+ unread messages_

_Tora missed video chat_

_BREAKING NEWS: Nekoma h…._

_BREAKING NEWS: One month after day Zero_

_BREAKING NEWS: Bombs dropped all around J…_

_NEWS: One month after The Rainy Day_

Without thinking, he taps on the Nekoma article first-

_Nekoma Highschool, a volleyball powerhouse was struck directly by one of the three bombs that fell upon Japan a month after a devastating earthquake left the country and it's government already vulnerable. No bodies have been discovered._

"Day Zero, Huh?" Nishinoya jumped as Tsukishima spoke from over his shoulder. "And The Rainy Day….must be when the bombs dropped" Noya added. He frowned. What a name to give something so destructive and inflicting so much despair. 

Tanaka yawns "I dunno I totally liked Drop Day better. It's kinda weird for something like that to sound so stupidly poetic." He almost sounded bored with the topic, or maybe he just really wanted to drop it. Noya only stared at him for a moment before finally finding himself in his missed messages.

Something told him that he was going to feel sick in a second. The texts varied, asking for where he was at least five times, just worded differently. Then...a video. He taps it nervously 

_"Hey yo, so I guess your internet is out or something cause of the 'quake or something but…" Yamamoto looked a bit nervous, looking around himself. Beside him, Yaku could just barely be made out, apparently asleep on the Ace's shoulder._

_"Everything is moving super fucking slow, Kenma looks like he's about to puke his guts out, and Bokuto won't shut up! Oikawa's dumbass can't find the stupid tag-"_

_"I am not a dumbass, Tora-chan!"_

_"Shut up, Shittykawa!"_

_"Ow, Iwa-chan!"_

_A few of the team members find it in themselves to grin. The background conversations felt so great to hear to break up the tension of their new lives._

_"Well whatever, we'll get back with you when stuff speeds up. Don't miss us too much!" The Nekoma player grins bright as the morning sun, the tired Libero on his shoulder even cracking a smile. It seemed like mood flipped in a split second. Gunshots. Joy turned to fear. The screen blacked out for a good three seconds. By the time thise three seconds were up, all you could see was the sky through shattered windows of the bus._

_There's a long pause._

_Yamamoto is hovering over the camera for a split second before the blackness returns. Color returns but it's blurry, accompanied by gunshots. It sounds like Goshiki screaming too._

It ends there. Noya was right. He did feel like throwing up. But he scrolls to the next video.

_No words accompany this one at first. Just heavy breathing and Oikawa screaming. The camera was pointed at Iwaizumi who looked like he was having a panic attack holding Oikawa in his arms. Although his head was out of frame, Lev was pacing. Goshiki must have been behind Taketora at the time. What in the world happened to them?_

_Next up was just a photo. The area gate. A picture taken from the window of a vehicle._

There was a quiet tension that built up until once again came Kageyama saying what were thinking. "We should go, right?"

No answer is given, so everyone turns to Daichi who suddenly looks like pressure has been placed on him that he doesn't like. "How about we sleep on it? I mean, this is a pretty big decision."

It seemed that this was the agreement.

\-----

*

*

\-----

The night was dark and wet, the rain pouring down in buckets. No one was enjoying this. There was a small whimper "Iwa-chan, this sucks!" And while no one could disagree with him, Kyoutani shot back "Iwaizumi isn't here right now you idiot, you're probably all weird in the head from the pain."

"Can you not do this right now? I don't think it's the time for this."

"Time for what?" Kentaro shoots back, as well as shooting a sharp glare at Yamamoto. Lev just makes a face at them both.

"We should take a break, Shirabu is doing better than him, but is still in bad shape," Lev suggests. It made sense since he was the one helping the other injured boy along. Kyoutani glances around at their surroundings before nodding, taking a few more steps before gently putting his senpai in a spot where trees provided them with very slight shelter from the rain.

"This is bullshit!" Yamamoto complains. "You'll have to be more specific," Shirabu responds which just earns him another groan. "How are you so calm?" Lev asked as he crouched down between the two pairs. He doesn't get the response he was probably looking for, just "Because I am."

For a second, Kentaro is just grateful he has cropped hair unlike the others whose hair sticks to their face with the exception of Yamamoto who's hair seems to absorb it all like a sponge since their hair has all started to grow out. At this point, Lev and Oikawa could probably put their hair into normal ponytails.

"Senpai," Kyoutani muttered, shooting a glance at the brunette who was slumped against his shoulder the moment he thought about him. "What's up, Maddog-chan?" And she tries not to shiver when he hears that response. It's definitely his voice, but his personality was missing from it. It tugged at his heart but he didn't let it show.

"Nevermind, just go the fuck to sleep," the blonde hissed, only receiving a small giggle. "Mhm.." Toru closed his eyes slowly, seeming to drift off almost immediately. There's a long silence as they all seemed to just watch him. "You lucky bastard…" he mumbled.

Somehow, Shirabu seemed to know who was being spoken to "The hell are you talking about you brat?"

Kyou scoffs "You got shot in the shoulder and it didn't even get infected! All he did was bust his knee and fall! And now he's the one with an infection and if he dies-"

"If he dies, then what?" Kenjiro snaps. "What are you gonna do? Cry about it? When someone dies, they're dead!"

"But we lost so many people already but they're probably alive! They could be okay!" Lev cut in, desperate to avoid this situation.

"And what's the probability of that? What's the probability the Kuroo and Kenma or Yaku and Lev didn't get shot? Or the probability that Tomu and Kindaichi actually made it?" Shirabu posed the question almost as a fact, as if to say 'its pointless' but in more words.

"In volleyball...you have to trust your teammates," everyone was surprised to hear Oikawa speak up, although it wasn't surprising that their arguing had woke him. "The whole team trusts the receiver to get the ball, who trusts the setter to set it. The spiker trusts the ball will come to them and they will score…"

The brunette sits up slowly, wincing. "If...we're the receiver, then Goshiki and Kindaichi are our setters. Karasuno are attackers-"

"Our lives are the ball. If we live,"

"We win," Kenjiro finishes Yamamoto's sentence. Another silence falls for a bit. It's not tense or awkward though, just the silence of teenagers trying to figure out how to stay alive when all they had known was how to keep a ball in play.

The analogy or metaphor -Kentaro wasn't sure, he wasn't the best with literary devices in either Japanese or English- had made them relax as much as they could. Relax enough so that they could all find it in themselves to sleep. It was a bit more comfortable when at peace.

\-----

They woke to the sounds of cars driving by and Oikawa retching a few feet away. Thankfully they were out of sight at least. Kentaro blinked awake, his eyes darting around. Two people were missing. Yamamoto and Oikawa. The sound of vomiting told him where Toru was.

"Has anyone seen-"

"Yamamoto? Nope," Lev interrupted. Kentaro groaned, rubbing his eyes. Shirabu still looked to be fast asleep on the ground, facing away from them, comfortably settled in the soft grass.

Lev stood up slowly in all of his six-foot glory. "We should look for him I guess. Make sure he's alright," he pointed over to where Seijoh's setter was crouched by a bush, messy brown hair hiding his face from view. Kyoutani just frowned and shook his head "That can be Shirabu's job. Make him useful for once."

Haiba didn't argue. Instead he just picked a direction towards the road and started walking. Kentaro was right behind him, remaining silent throughout the whole time. The sight of a truck on the street didn't help with their worry. Considering he was the smaller of the two, Kyoutani peeked out.

But this…. wasn't what he was expecting. He heard Lev draw in a sharp inhale.

Nekoma's ace was alive and well, but that wasn't the problem here. The problem was that there were three bodies and a gun in his hand, red staining almost every part of his body.

"Yamamoto!" Lev hopped over the metal railing that separated the woods from the road, running over to him. In a single instant he ripped the gun from him, fumbling to turn the safety on and tossing it.

His teammate looked up and then around, then at him and said "I blacked out, they tried to tag me and I got panicked and I don't remember anything else."

"Um okay...okay, what do I do?" Lev looks to the blonde for help, but he has none to give. Without clear instructions, he simply lifts the ace off the ground and carries him back. Kentaro stays behind, slowly approaching the bodies with bullet holes through them.

Without thinking about why, he picks up the gun and wrestles off the hoodies the men wore. Bile rose in his throat. These guys didn't look much older than he did.

Trying to push the thought to the back of his mind, he returns to their little group with his loot, just...frowning at the sight.

Shirabu was still dead asleep, not disturbed by all the movement. Oikawa had returned to his spot, but was still doubled over, his skin a sickly color. Seeing the look on his face, Yamamoto says "we should be able to find some water after all that rain yesterday."

He knows what he's referring to, which makes him approach the captain and force him to sit up as he lifted his shirt. The large cut on his waist didn't look too good. It was infected, that was for one, but it was extremely dirty from mud and lack of proper hygiene to begin with.

Even the rain couldn't do much for them at this point. He cringed at the sight. "We need to get rid of all this dry blood."

"Absolutely not!"

"Would you rather die?"

"Well- no!"

"We can't do that with our dirty-ass hands," Taketora interrupted. It seemed to shock Lev that he was so calm after whatever the fuck happened back at the road. Kyoutani sighs. "Okay then, fine. I got some hoodies so maybe it'll help with staying out of sight? I don't fucking know, but either way these disgusting wet clothes aren't doing us much good."

There was a mutual agreement on that. They were unfortunately bloody, but that was better than the clothes they've had for at least a month or so now. Oikawa doubled over again.

"Nnh, Mad dog-chan…"

"What?"

"I feel really sick-"

"You always do."

"No, this is different!"

Everyone currently awake looked confused and worried. _Different wasn't exactly what they wanted to hear from the guy with three infected wounds, a busted knee and a fever causing delusions._

"We really need to get him help," Lev suggested as if it wasn't already a very clear and obvious fact. The brunette looked like shit and probably felt like it too.

"Iwa...chan…" the way the name fell from the setter's tongue was disturbing, like someone speaking their last words on their deathbed. Oikawa wasn't one to give up that easy. "He's probably hallucinating," Kentarou thought out loud, watching as his senpai fainted. Well that was new.

\-----

Fuck.

Fuck this absolutely could not be happening.

Everything was fine just yesterday! They thought they were safe but oh how wrong they were Daichi seemed to be procrastinating on the decision to leave. If they left earlier it would've been better. Two weeks after wasn't fast enough. It was Suga and Asahi this time, returning to their base, shaken.

Koushi collapsed into Daichi and Asahi stood half-frozen. This seemed like it should've been the last straw. "This isn't working anymore, Daichi" it was Tsukishima who said it in a low, calm voice. The captain wasn't impressed and stayed quiet.

"Can't you see? We're not safe anymore, come here-" Ennoshita reached over and grabbed gently onto Sugawara's arm, pulling him from Daichi's grip and walking him to the makeshift infirmary. The setter was hurt. Everyone was coming back worse than the last.

Shouyo was still more quiet than usual. Kageyama assured us that he told him what happened so we chose to trust him on that. Asahi made a sound of discomfort. "This definitely isn't our military. They're in hoodies and trucks, but they have guns and-" he takes a deep breath.

"They didn't...tag us this time. They know who we are, then they'll be coming after us. They're getting closer to us, we can't risk it anymore, we're not-"

Between the time it took for him to be interrupted and to say the word _safe_ something had shattered a window. Everyone instinctively turned their backs to each other, searching for the cause. Tsukishima- the only one who hadn't been with the group the whole time- was coming down from the landing with a wooden bat in his hand.

Someone was kicking at the door- or ramming into it, one of the two. Kei was approaching the door slowly with the intention of hitting whoever came through once he clicked the lock, but-

"Tomu!"

And everything seems to freeze except for whoever was on the other side of the lock. It was just as much of a surprise as it wasn't when Goshiki emerged from the makeshift room. He was quiet which wasn't anything new now, but he pushed right past the tall blonde. He didn't hesitate until he reached the door, clicking the lock. The door almost instantly opened, and in stumbled a boy with strawberry-tinted blonde hair.

"Shira-?" Goshiki was pulled into something of a hug before he even had a chance to express his shock. The raven-haired teen didn't seem to mind, though. He started crying instead. Although he seemed to enjoy the sentiment, Shirabu spoke up.

"Some guys are on our tails-"

"Where did that hoodie come from?" It was Asahi who interrupted him, only getting "it's a long story" in response. "Oikawa and Yamamoto are hiding outside, that stupid Seijoh setter is hardly conscious."

"And what about everyone else?" Noya questioned him this time. Shirabu's grip on Goshiki loosened and he sighed. "No clue" it seemed like everyone took a breath right then.

At some point, Daichi was the focus of attention again. He makes a face, clearly a bit disturbed and holding his breath himself. The brunette scans the faces of the teens around him and realizes he has no choice.

They had to get out of here before one of them was the next victim of...what or whoever this was. "U-Um-" Yamaguchi speaks up suddenly, his freckled face holding an anxious look.

"Does anyone know...where Kageyama and Hinata disappeared to?"

Silence.

Just...silence.

Tanaka clenches his fists with a frown. "No, we don't."

Once again, Daichi is being watched.

"Oh _damnit_ …"


	2. Certainty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama and Hinata 4eappear in a not-so-great way. Hinata manages to return to a semi-normal state, while Kageyama struggles with it much more as everything processes for them.
> 
> In the meantime our Captain and vice-captain are under stress that they take too far. It doesn't help that they've come across a familiar face that brings more fear than relief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is very heavy. Much more than the first one. It might be a bit hard to get through because well....it's super heavy haha.
> 
> There's some other things I want to mention but first- warning that in this chapter there's implications and then later in the chapter an explicit mention of Sexual assault. You can probably guess why. Paired with this, multiple characters are displayed as processing their trauma or not being able to. There is an instance where a character makes a highly insensitive comment(the prior mentioned explicit reference) to one of the others and it probably seems rude and out of character, but I will explain more about that at the end.
> 
> Like usual, shares and Comments are really appreciated! Please give me your thoughts, feedback, and ideas for the story, I want to hear what you have to say!

It wouldn't really matter if they were armed or not. The people they were up against had guns. Guns were enough to convince many of them that death was certain. Nothing was ever certain anymore. Hinata wished that for once there was something he could be certain of, even if that thing was the death of him, his friends, or both.

Of course, he didn't want himself or his friends to die, but the point still remained. Right now he was on his knees. Seriously, did they have to do this to him every time this happened? He couldn't see anything, but his hearing was well intact. He kind of wished it wasn't, though.

He could hear the sounds of others desperately trying to scream past the cloth gags that whey couldn't remove due to restrained hands. The male was even unluckier that the blindfold became loose and slipped to his neck.

It was too dark to see much, whether that was because of the time or because of the room he was in was unclear but he could see outlines. The outlines of other people trapped in this place. He wanted to cry. If he cried, then Kageyama would come and call him a moron but still hug him anyway and tell him it was okay.

He couldn't call for him because he couldn't even get words past the cloth in his mouth. Where even was he? The ground was cold and hard, like linoleum or something. Every time they pulled him out of the room he wasn't able to see his surroundings. Why did they have to pull him out of the room so often? He hated it more and more every time and got yelled at when he cried.

Suddenly there was light as a door opened beside him, causing him to blink to adjust to the brightness. He could hardly see past the person who walked in but could just barely make out shelves. This was… _coach's store?_

They must be In a back room or something. Even though he tried to keep his head down, the guy who had entered noticed him easily. There was a brief moment of silence in which both he, the guy, and everyone else in the room knew _he was caught._

Shouyo shuts his eyes and ducks his head as a hand comes down to his face, pulling the gag off his mouth. His breathing is heavy, avoiding eye contact at all costs. No words are even spoken as this guy grabs him by his upper arm and drags him from the room.

"Kageyama!"

Hinata planted his feet against the floor as the raven-haired setter is being dragged in the other direction towards the door. The soldier guys pause to converse over the heads of the teens.

"They're both little pests, aren't they?"

"This one got his blindfold off, so I'm just taking him for proper treatment-" his grip tightens on the small boy's arm, causing him to whimper loudly. He could see the look in his teammate's dark blue eyes.

_You'll be okay, dumbass_

The words sounded in his head and he might've smiled if he could've managed to.

"I'm going to test the waters with this kid's group. Don't be too long."

The soldiers seem to come to a conclusion on something that he doesn't understand. Once again he's pulled into a room. A small one. It probably used to be the storage just based on the concrete surroundings. Now it was something much different, and being able to see it now wasn't helpful.

With the door shut and locked, his wrist restraints are undone, allowing him use of them, not like he wanted it right now. He hears a rough "you know the drill," when he grips the bottom of his dirty T-shirt. It still felt like he could see in the darkness of his shirt pulled over his eyes.

Like the fabric filtered out the room and instead he was left seeing the floating pieces of his innocence that had been ground into fine dust because he knew the only reason all of his restraints were removed.

_They wanted him to see._

_They wanted him to feel the defeat of failing to fight back._

_They wanted to hear him sob this time._

But he didn't. He didn't have the energy to do much more than just cry quietly.

_Kageyama, come back..._

\-----

*

*

\-----

Nishinoya paced anxiously. They had been ready. They were packed up, they were ready to go, they were ready to leave, so why did they have to be gone? If it weren't for Nishinoya and Suga's begging or Oikawa's occasional whining asking where 'Tobio-chan' was, Daichi might've forced them to leave without their friends for the sake of the rest of them.

But there was a knock at the door. That didn't seem like a good thing. It was indeed bittersweet when they heard "Just open the door!" From the other side. 

"Kageyama?" Comes Tsukishima's voice, as he and the prior mentioned were the king's of saying what everyone was thinking. There's a nervous silence as Daichi cautiously clicks the lock.

The door slides open without his intervention, though, revealing some kind of soldier guy in a black hoodie and a mask that hides his mouth and nose. He had his arm around Tobio's neck, dragging him backward and away from the open door. Naturally, the high schoolers came outside as well. It appeared that this guy was alone with their friend at knifepoint.

Kageyama wasn't gagged but was blindfolded with his hands behind his back. The guy probably had a sick grin beneath that mask. As their captain, Daichi spoke up first, and Noya couldn't help but feel the anxiety rise in his chest.

"We'd like our friends back," the statement is simple but earns the brunette an incredulous laugh that stubs them all.

"You think this is funny?" Sawamura takes a step forward.

"Very, actually!"

Daichi steps back.

Yu tries to keep his voice from shaking as he asks the question that was probably going through everyone else's minds as well. "Where's Shouyo?"

Again, the guy laughs at him "Oh…?....Oh you mean the little redhead! Hah, oh don't worry about him, he's getting what he deserves," he speaks as if it's some everyday conversation. Maybe for him, it was. He continues. "Oh yeah, he's an ornery little cuss. My partner is just back at our base teaching him a little lesson so he'll stop being so stubborn, it'll make it easier for you all too! But I mean if you really want back the defiant little shit the way he is, there are a few things we need from you."

_"My partner is just back at our base teaching him a little lesson so he'll stop being so stubborn,"_

Just scanning over the faces of his friends, Noya could tell that this was the phrase that they were mulling over in their heads. No, he finds it in himself to ask "What the _hell_ does that _mean_?" The venom was thick as it laced his voice. The soldier man seemed like he could practically taste the poison.

The poison fuels his smile. 

"Well we can't have prisoners stepping out of line, can we? There's a little room where my partner takes him when he's acting a fool. It's basically all concrete with a futon and some blankets and that's about all that matters!"

A shiver runs down his spine, pumping adrenaline into his veins and moving his feet faster than his mind can keep up with.

_Click!_

That sound is too familiar. Somewhat distant and barely in earshot. He could reach out and grab Kageyama from where he now stood and would have if it weren't for the gun pointed at his head from several feet away.

"Now now, settle down kid. I've got your prize, now we want ours." Everyone looks to find another guy, slightly taller than the other one. This one was carrying Shouyo in one arm as he hardly seemed conscious. He approached them in slow even steps, keeping back about two feet from where Kageyama was being held.

Hinata looked worse than he expected. A busted lip and bruised that ran up and down his arms, darkest on his wrists and upper arms. He clearly couldn't stand well on his own, legs threatening to give out under his weight even when his feet barely grazed the grass. The shirt he wore wasn't his own and was much too big. He couldn't tell from here if he was still wearing his shorts or not.

"Prize?" It's Daichi who speaks up again. He knew what they were talking about. They wanted food most likely, a resource they didn't even have enough of to properly sustain their own group that just seemed to be steadily growing. With heSitation, Daichi slowly slips the bag off his shoulder. Yu inhales sharply as he catches movement from the corners of his eyes.

Shouyo ducks out of his captor's grip, slipping behind him and running. Three shots go off but none land anywhere but the ground. Crimson liquid drips from Kageyama's neck, but he still moves, forcing his holder to turn slightly. There go two more shots and the soldier drops off of him.

One more shot and it barely misses Hinata's ankle. It looks like adrenaline is the only thing keeping him from collapsing. He snatches up the blade from the other soldier and is quick to return a slightly frightened soldier. 

Nishinoya closed his eyes but can here the scuffle very well. The sound of the knife piercing flesh. Over and over and over and over and over and- he can't stop crying because he doesn't want to look. Strong arms are holding him gently but he still can't open his eyes.

"Alright alright, Hinata, dumbass, stop!"

He looks just in time to see Kageyama drag the small middle blocker off of a dead body. It doesn't sound like Shouyo is crying, but maybe it was just muffled in Tobio's shoulder. From this angle, Noya wondered whose blood it was on Hinata's pants.

Somewhere beside him, their captain clears his throat and tells them "let's not linger or else backup might be here before we can fight back."

Although quiet, the agreement was unanimous.

\-----

_"something...happened and I... couldn't…"_

It made a bit more sense now. The way he nervously fumbled with the bottom of his shirt and wouldn't look his friends in the eyes. He didn't know if it was fear or shame that made him fidget like that at the time, but he almost wished he hadn't been the first one to know the details of the first incident with Hinata. He was glad he was the one with him through the worst of it though, he would've preferred it not happening at all.

Kageyama swallowed nervously as they chose to take a shower to clean up after almost three days of...he shakes the thought out of his head, reaching to help the shorter male out of his shirt, but he flinches away. 

"Ah- Did I scare you?" He asks, but Hinata shakes his head, pulling his shirt off by himself. "No, I just have a lot of bruises! Don't you?" Hinata responds. Tobio frowns, just pointing down at the floor. Though no one else would probably understand if they saw. The spiker understood the implications of the gesture.

They stay pretty quiet for the next few minutes. Kageyama keeps his eyes closed as they stand beneath the water, running his thin fingers through Shouyo's hair. Even with the water washing away the blood and everything else, he had a constant feeling of being dirty. He couldn't help tracing over the bruises that lined Shouyo's arms.

Hinata ran his hand back and forth over bruises littering Kageyama's stomach. He doesn't acknowledge the tremble of the setter's body as he finally lets out all the frustration from the past three days in the form of salty tears that mix with the water. 

"How are you doing just fine you idiot?"

"I dunno...maybe I just feel more at ease because now they're dead and no one can hurt me all the way from heaven, right? Besides what they did to you was worse…" Hinata tries to explain.

"How could it be? It's all the same thing, dumbass, no matter how it went down, it still all falls under the same name!" Tobio argues, pulling back slightly, pressing his back against the wall of the shower. Hinata's eyes are locked onto his now.

"I mean you're right I just...I was kept blind until today. You could see the whole time, right?" Shouyo asks, getting a nod in response. "It's probably that. Maybe it's because all that time you were able to fight back and still ended up losing. You've never been one to take kindly to defeat. It makes you all angry and mean!" He holds up his hands like claws as if to imitate a monster of some sort.

A small chuckle escapes Tobio's mouth as the redhead adds "There's still nothing scarier than hitting you in the back of the head with a volleyball!"

\-----

"We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard-"

"Shut up!"

Tsukishima practically cackles as Kageyama snapped at the energetic three who were cheerfully singing English songs as they headed down the road. Hinata just whines. Nishinoya pouts and Tanaka just makes one of those intimidating faces that the team had grown immune to at some point.

"How do you know those songs but still barely managed to pass English?" Daichi asked, glancing over at the three who all look similar amounts of defeat. Fumbling with his words for a second, Nishinoya defends himself with "I passed the best out of all three of us!"

"By half an extra credit point!" Tanaka shoots back. Suga laughs softly at their pointless little argument. It was comforting to have a moment of familiarity with what they were like before. Before….what? Before the bomb? Before the war? Before the earthquake? Before…. _the copious tragedies_.

"Oi, Bakayama! What're you staring off into space for?" Shouyo's voice broke through his thoughts, making him frown and roll his eyes. Even after all they went through, he still looked so...normal. Happy, almost.

"Tch, just thinking."

"About…?"

"It doesn't matter, just keep looking forward before you...trip." He spoke too soon, pausing as the smaller player stumbled over his own feet, ending up face-first in the dirt. Tsukishima sounds like he's trying not to burst into laughter beside him.

"Geez, what the hell, you dumbass?!" Tobio hissed, grabbing up the middle blocker by his bookbag and pulling him back to his feet, trying to brush the dirt and mud out of his hair with his hand. "I was _just_ telling you to be careful!"

"Hey, Kageyama, what did he trip over?" Tsukishima asks, attempting to just be snide, but when the ravenette looks down at their feet….his blood runs cold.

Suga pushes between them and crouches down to the ground, grimacing as he tries to pull the object out of the ground, squeaking as he falls back into the mud. Kageyama quickly grabs it from him when he notices the third-year's face pale and makes a gagging sound. He wasn't the only one. Shirabu looked like he was going to vomit as well.

It wasn't an object exactly. It was a jacket, bundled up like a pillow.

_Nekoma High School_

"Guys, there's another one…!" Yamaguchi called. It was like a soft yet urgent call as he slowly pulls it from the ground, causing it to unravel.

_Shiratorizawa Academy_

"But who would they…"

"I don't know, everyone was wearing theirs when-"

Everyone freezes when there's some distant footsteps. Like someone was running. Only one person it sounded like. No one checked. What a horror-esque thing to happen. No one knows what compels him to, but Goshiki crouches down near where the Shiratorizawa jacket was found and uses his hands to dig through the dirt. A few feet away, Yamamoto is clutching the dirty Nekoma jacket almost identical to the one currently tied around his waist with a frown.

Shirabu inhales sharply, and both players are quick to cover up their discovery before anyone can get a good look. Kenjiro has to pull Goshiki away from the spot and from there they get back to the road. Oikawa makes a whimpering sound.

"What's up with you?" Kageyama questions with a raised brow. The brunette points at the overturned bus. This...this was-

_Taketora smiled brightly at the camera, Yaku even cracking a smile despite being clearly tired. Gunshots sounded and suddenly joy was horror. The screen had blacked out for a good three seconds. When those three seconds were up, all you could see was the sky through the shattered windows of the bus._

_There was a long pause._

_Yamamoto was hovering over the camera split second before the blackness returned. Color returned but it was blurry, accompanied by more gunshots. It sounded like Goshiki was screaming._

Kageyama took a deep breath. They followed the path the players must have taken to run. So that's why the jackets…

"We have to keep going, " Daichi leads the march past the wreckage. Tsutomu whimpers and their very stressed captain shoots a glare at him. It's not very effective, only making him cry more. Suga pinches Daichi lightly, whispering something to him, probably scolding him.

Shouyo sighs softly, looking around nervously, clearly paranoid about something. Before Tobio can ask him about it, a blood-curdling scream erupts from behind him. Everyone turns to see Yamaguchi looking up at the streetlight that hung above their heads. Beside him, even Tsukishima looked up in horror. So everyone else did too.

Kageyama heard Goshiki collapse. Or maybe it was Shirabu this time. He couldn't tell, he didn't look. It was one of those things where you wanted to look away but you just couldn't.

Semi Eita, Shiratorizawa's other setter. He was strung up by his ankles, blood having leaked down his face from his eyes, mouth, and nose, his eyes were rolled back in his head. His hair seemed wet in some places but his belt seemed to contain the non-fluids. Kageyama swallowed nervously.

"He hasn't been here very long…" Tsukishima commented, voice hardly above a whisper, sounding like he was in shock. Everyone probably was.

"But the note said-"

"They must have just knocked him unconscious before…" Daichi interrupted Nishinoya's verbal thought process. He looks focused for some reason which disturbs Kageyama just as much as the best body did.

"We can't just leave him up there!" Shirabu snapped, getting up from the ground which made Tobio realize that he indeed had been the one to collapse that time, and judging by the slight scrape on his cheek, he had probably fainted. Reluctantly, Tsukishima sighed.

Yamaguchi climbed up onto the blonde's back and then onto his shoulders. He fumbles with the rope for a second before suddenly the boy's body drops, being caught by Daichi who gags. Almost everyone does.

"Shit that reeks-" Kageyama spoke the mind of everyone once again.

Daichi mumbles something along the lines of "I'll deal with this…" before walking off with the Shiratorizawa players close behind. Kageyama turns to the rest of the group and hears Sugawara shout "Hey!" As a flash of red disappears around a corner.

There's no chance to stop the setter before he tosses his heavy backpack to Asahi and takes off running down the street. Although slowed down by the heavy luggage, everyone else still there goes after him.

No one is quite sure what's happening, but the third-year screams in pain. Everyone stops in their tracks as he appears again, a slightly shorter person held to his chest. He was clearly in pain while trying to restrain them. Asahi runs up past Kageyama and takes it from there, being well big and strong enough to hold them by the arms and pull them off of Suga.

In retaliation, they bite him and turn but have nowhere to run. He's cornered into a wall with Karasuno high and the addition of Yamamoto and Oikawa -although Seijoh's setter was in too weak of a state to actually _be_ useful- creating a semi-circle around him.

As a last defense, the small attacker curls up into a ball against the wall, body shaking with sobs. They had short black hair and…

"How could you…" Oikawa suddenly spoke up. Everyone remained confused before pointing at the person's leg. An Aoba Johsai jacket, stained red was wrapped around his leg. And on his-judging by his muffled voice- body was a….Shiratorizawa jacket. The obvious conclusion was that he must have pulled it off of Semi, but how he accomplished that was the real question. He had no shoes or socks and no observable pants.

Asahi moved forward and kneeled forward to inspect what they were dealing with. He reaches towards him and he flinches away from the caring hand of the gentle giant. The ravenette lifts his head, eyes wide with panic. "It's Shiba, " Yamamoto states.

Almost everyone appears puzzled. "Our first year Libero, he didn't come with us which would mean-"

"He got here from Tokyo?" Kageyama interrupted. Taketora nods. Karasuno's first-year setter frowns. "Then maybe we should go there."

"No!" The boy in question cries. "No no no! No, don't take me back, please!" He's desperate and hysterical, once again flinching away from Asahi's offering of help. "Please please please they're gonna kill me! There were so many of them- they kept hurting me, every time I started crying! Are you going to hurt me too? Please don't, just let me go!" The libero was rambling endlessly out of adrenaline and panic.

Kageyama watches as Taketora pulls a wrapped sandwich out of his bag, gently offering it to his teammate who took it without question. Sugawara who had been tending to his own new wound finally said something. "I don't like the look of him. I know we only just started moving a couple of hours ago, but I want me and Ennoshita to check him up ASAP. Something bothers me a lot about the way he's...dressed."

'Or lack thereof' would've been a good phrase to add after that. Asahi nods and everyone looks as Daichi and the Shiratorizawa teammates approach and Tsutomu and Shirabu have teary eyes. At least this time they got to say a better goodbye to their teammate.

"I guess it couldn't hurt to find a place to rest for a bit…" the captain mumbled with an unreadable expression on his face as their ace gently picked up Shibayama with minimum protest which was probably because he was preoccupied with eating.

Tobio looked back at Oikawa who was quietly frowning, and then down at Hinata who was already looking back at him.

"This feels weird…"

\-----

After searching for maybe another hour they had arrived at a house. Daichi and Tanaka cleared it before everyone had gone inside and settled as the sun was beginning to set outside, casting an orange-yellow glow onto and into the house.

Everyone was left to do their own thing as Suga and Ennoshita tended to their new group member as well as Oikawa. The house was two stories high with the bedrooms and bathrooms upstairs. Kageyama was settled on the couch with Hinata leaning against his shoulder, fast asleep.

Tanaka and Nishinoya had quieted down their conversation to accommodate the people who were tired and resting after their long past few days. Kageyama too was about to let himself sleep when someone called his name. He turned around to look over his shoulder and saw Sugawara coming towards him. He had a sad smile.

"I have a question or...a few."

He knew where this was going. He didn't like it. After a hesitation, Tobio gestures for Nishinoya to come over, having him take his place as Hinata's pillow. Although reluctant he follows his senpai up to the second floor where they stop in the hall in front of one of the bedrooms. The silver-haired male is quiet, proof that he was mulling over how to approach the topic. Finally, he clears his throat.

"Kageyama, what happened when those guys took you and Hinata? How did that even happen?" He asks softly, his motherly side coming out prominently.

"Senpai, I don't want to talk about this right now. It's the _last_ thing I want to talk about right now, actually. I would like to forget about it if I could! You don't need to know the details of everything they did to me, you know that they put us through hell and that's _all_ you need to know!"

"Kageyama, " Koushi out his hands on his shoulders, looking him dead in the eyes and Tobio would've done anything to not have heard them.

"I don't care about you getting raped right now, this is about Shibayama."

His blood runs cold.

"Suga!" Ennoshita had just appeared in the doorway, eyes wide as he heard what their senpai had said to him. "That was way too cold, what's going on with you?" The ravenette says in a tone that's both sharp and concerned. Sugawara pauses and sighs, mumbling "sorry…" before he pushes past him back into the room where Oikawa and Shibayama were.

Both of them are still seemingly in shock until Ennoshita gently puts his hand on his shoulder. "I think he's just stressed. We just needed to know if you heard anything that might help us out. We think that where Yuuki escaped from and where those guys took you came from might be connected. However….", he took a second and scanned over Kageyama's expression. "Maybe you should go back and calm down, what he said was...startling. Even for me. I'll talk to you later okay? And I'll make sure Suga does too once he's calmed down or…whatever."

It's pretty obvious that the poor second-year doesn't know how to deal with this situation. No one was used to Suga being negative in any way. He was usually the one cheering everyone up and being motherly even if it was in a wild way.

Kageyama takes his advice, going back downstairs where Shouyo has apparently woken up. He can feel himself slowly disconnecting from everything around him as he sits on the couch. Yamaguchi frowns at him but doesn't say anything. Hinata gently traces patterns on the back of his hand in silence. They're all shockingly silent. Even the loud ones weren't talking. It's like they just knew that it wasn't the right time. At least they were smart enough to notice.

Yamaguchi eventually mumbled something that no one caught except for Nishinoya who was the closest to him from where they sat on the floor around the coffee table. Yamaguchi talks again but speaks up this time "He's overwhelmed…"

Kageyama says nothing, so he continues.

"He was getting super sick earlier this morning. Ennoshita said he was eating a lot too and Daichi yelled at him. I don't think he should've…"

"Why not?"

The captain's arrival made everyone jump. The brunette had his arms crossed over his chest. Clearly, Tadashi had no intention of saying any of this to his face. His eyebrows furrowed as he tried to find his defense somewhere in the back of his head. "He doesn't _mean_ to do anything wrong, he never does!"

"We can't live without food. We just keep getting more and more people and that's just more and more people to feed. How do you feed people without enough food?" Sawamura answers. He had a point but still…

"That doesn't mean you have to yell at him though! He was already upset and you just made it worse! Maybe if you made him feel better instead of making him feel guilty, he would stop doing it!" Tadashi argues. Judging by the look on his face, Nishinoya doesn't like where this was going. Beside him, Hinata seemed apprehensive.

"Guys, seriously, this isn't-"

_This isn't the time for this_

Is what Asahi was trying to say. It was probably just to diffuse the situation, but either way, he was still right. Now wasn't the time to be arguing about their friend's stress habits. As shitty as Suga's insensitive wording made him feel, he wasn't going to blame him for it. He knew that they were all scared as well as the stress the Captain and his right-hand man were under.

Tsukishima just looked plain uncomfortable. Tobio quietly wondered which part of the conversation was so disconcerting for him. In any case, Daichi and Yamaguchi are still not giving up the argument.

"How do you know? Just _feeling_ better isn't going to fix his bad habits! Suga doesn't work like that! I know him better than all of you! Why can't you trust me when I say I know what I'm doing? I'm your team captain, you trust me on the court, you trust that I'm doing what'll work out best for the team so why now?"

Yamaguchi stands up and all of a sudden he's invading the third-year personal space. If this was actually an argument on the court, Tsukishima probably would have remarked on his friend's boldness. But of course, he didn't.

"So what if you know him well? None of us are familiar with war! None of us know how to deal with this! This isn't like volleyball, these are our lives! There's a difference between being stressed over a test and being stressed over the possibility of dying the next day!" Yamaguchi's voice hits a high pitch. "No one _knows_ anything about dealing with that! So….don't act like you do because it's not his fault that he doesn't cope in a way that's convenient for us!"

He sounded like he was out of breath. The teen in question had probably heard them without a doubt. Or really...they didn't need to. No one wanted to look when they heard the stairs creak. They could give themselves the false reassurance that it was one of the injured boys. It wasn't. The shaky whimper proved it.

Daichi is the first to actually turn to him, but he had already run back up by the time he reached out to him. Sawamura just swears under his breath, storming off to the kitchen and Asahi follows close behind, mumbling something about trying to cook.

A pregnant silence hangs in the air.

They simply exchanged glances, silently agreeing that they didn't wanna talk about it.

\-----

*

*

\-----

"You're supposed to check before touching things you can't identify…" he hummed softly, running his hand gently through thick black hair that had been looking like a mess for their entire lives as long as he could remember. His friend had his head in his lap, mumbling in displeasure.

He lifts his head and even without sight he could practically hear the frown in the whiny response he receives. "Come on, I wasn't thinking about it! I'm not that clumsy, you know that! I just got excited!"

"You're way too excitable…" he runs his fingers down to the other boy's chin, running his thumb over his lips which wear a smirk. He presses a little kiss to that smirk, hearing a soft chuckle in response.

"You're being awfully affectionate today, did I do something special for this?"

"Hmm, no. Do you not want it? I could just go back to bed if that's the case, I am a bit tired as usual, " he grins when he hears a slight huff. He wished he could see the face he was making right now. He was probably looking like a kicked puppy.

"No, I want it, _please_ , Kitten?"

"You're so stupid, Kuroo."

\-----

*

*

\-----

Everyone was a bit disappointed when they learned that the gas worked but the hot water heater was broken. They would have warm food but cold showers. At least they would have showers at all. The bathroom smelled like shit though, but according to Ennoshita, it was just because Oikawa had gotten sick a little bit before he went in.

Nothing could ever happen in peace, though. His mind is so loud. Even standing in the shower, knowing he was alone, he still felt insecure without the thin shield of his clothing. Like earlier, tears mixed with water, sparkling white as silver light filtered through the curtains from the small window.

For some reason, he still didn't feel refreshed after showering, eyebrows raising when Tsukishima pushed past him to get into the bathroom after him. He pretends not to notice Yamaguchi lingering nearby with his arms crossed. Instead, he heads back down the stairs to the main room where most of the group was gathered. The loud ones we're being loud per usual, playing some kind of game they found online at some point. Even Yamamoto was joining in on the fun despite having been so oddly quiet since they found them.

Like always, Tobio plops down next to Hinata, this time Nishinoya being on the redhead's other side, but it was clear by the way he held his hand that he liked being closer to him than the other.

The conversation between them all bounced all over the place. At one point they were talking about how good Asahi's food was, at another point rambling about volleyball and reminiscing about crazy plays they've made. As usual, Noya and Hinata communicate in strange ways, I.E sound effects created with their mouths. Whatever made them happy was fine no matter how annoying it was.

About a foot behind him, Suga stood watching them enjoy themselves. He looked content, glancing upstairs where Tsukishima and Yamaguchi had disappeared to. Their eyes met and it seemed like if only for a moment, guilt flashed in his senpai's eyes. He just smiles sadly at Kageyama who nervously looked away.

How was he supposed to feel right now? Especially after-

_"I don't care about you getting raped right now, this is about Shibayama."_

_"...What he said was...startling, even for me…"_

He sighs shakily, standing up and heading right out the door. He isn't surprised nor startled when the older setter comes out right after him. They both stay out in silence, taking in the sight of the buildings damaged by the earthquake and the war that the disaster made way for.

" _Suga doesn't work like that! I know him better than all of you! Why can't you trust me when I say I know what I'm doing?"_

"...You know I didn't mean to say it like that, right? I shouldn't have said the word, it was irresponsible of me. I shouldn't have let it get this bad" Suga attempts something like a more elaborate apology.

"Let _what_ get this bad?"

"It was even a bit immature of me to have let you guys argue about my problems. I still have to talk to Yamaguchi, though. I don't really have much to say to Daichi…" Suga very obviously avoids the question, instead switching to a different related topic.

" _This isn't like volleyball, these are our lives! There's a difference between being stressed over a test and being stressed over the possibility of dying the next day!"_

Kageyama rubs his arms to rid them of the goosebumps. He's not quite sure what would be best to say in this situation. He would forgive him, obviously, but that wasn't what he was concerned about. So to give himself time to think, he asks "So what's the situation with the two?"

Sugawara almost laughs. "Out cold. We had to clean up their injuries which they weren't happy about. Oikawa is stubborn and Shibayama is terrified of being touched. It's pitiful, he's tiny." He looks up as he pulls something out of his pocket. "He's just about Hinata's height but when put next to him, he would still look smaller." He explains, holding out the small carton in his direction

Kageyama hesitates before slowly pulling a cigarette from the box. Koushi gives him another sad smile as he pulls matches from his pocket, striking one and lighting them. Neither of them would even think about doing this if it weren't for the world in the process of ending.

"I'm sorry, though. I didn't mean to upset you like that. If anything I'm probably the most sheltered person in the world. Out of us at least. Everyone else has dealt with bullying, failure like getting blocked, what you went through, extremely painful injuries, abuse-"

"Abuse,?"

"Ah, it's not my place, Kageyama. If they want you to know, you'll find out." Another sad smile. He was good at those. Kageyama just nods. "Ah-"

Koushi sighs, standing up properly. "Try not to worry about me too much while we're doing all this, okay?" He taps out the cigarette. "That's my job to worry about all you, okay?"

"Please, Kageyama, I'll be fine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See what I was talking about now? Our group has experienced their first real loss: innocence.  
> It's a lot to take in so I want to explain a couple of things.
> 
> TL;DR: explaining the standpoints of some characters as well as why I wrote them certain ways
> 
> Hinata's reaction: as you probably would've noticed, Hinata quickly returns to his more typical behaviour with his friends. He doesn't appear to be very effected anymore. Don't let that fool you, it's simply his method of coping with the shit.
> 
> Kageyama's reaction: Some people might find it weird for Kageyama to break worse than Hinata, but I feel like not really. Kageyama is a freak for being in control and having power over the court and other people. It makes sense that he would break so badly when someone took that away from him so easily and unlike on the court, he couldn't take it back with some intimidating words.
> 
> Daichi's reaction: stress. It takes a lot to lead a group of scared teenagers through a whole apocalypse. He's been doing good so far, but he's also had to dispose of two bodies already. How he treats Sugawara is a slightly different cause, however. Daichi is aware of their situation and how important it is that they be careful, especially with their resources. He gets upset with Suga, not because of the cause, but because he's making Daichi's job harder and more stressful with him being aware that forcing Suga to stop the habits he currently uses to cope with stress could lead to him turning to something more dangerous, but at the same time he's unable to get rid of the source of the stress.
> 
> Suga: An ironic yet unrelated coping mechanism. His body's way of responding to stress conflicts with his own- he eats while his body makes him throw up. He's the team mom and rarely negative, being the biggest optimist among the third years. However while Daichi feels responsible for keeping them alive, Suga feels responsible for keeping them sane so to speak. Despite this, he's watching his friends and teammates constantly crumble. Goshiki's always crying, Kageyama is off in the clouds, Hinata copes with humor, and the appearance and state of Shibayama was like the last straw. In Koushi's head, he just wanted to stop hearing how mentally torn Kageyama was because he feels responsible for not being able to do something about it. Like Yamaguchi said, he's overwhelmed and the first thing that came to mind to stop his teammate from crumbling in front of him was to say something harshly. Of course Ennoshita's shock made him realize that it wasn't what he had intended.
> 
> Tsukishima: he's been pretty quiet, hasn't he? I wonder if you can guess what's up with him before I reveal it.
> 
> Shibayama: Yuuki has been through hell like you couldn't imagine. While it's true that walking is how they travel, it's completely valid for them to be confused about how he got to Miyagi in the state he was in. No shoes, no socks, no shirt and no pants. He was found in boxers and a bloody Shiratorizawa jacket with a Seijoh jacket wrapped around his leg. If you're wondering, no, the Nekoma jacket they found does not belong to him. You'll find out more about it next chapter.
> 
> Kuroo and Kenma?: :P


	3. Important heads up(A warning, not a new chapter)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written as a warning to the next chapter to be posted maybe tomorrow or the day after. It's important, I recommend you don't skip this.

This small chapter is a bit of a heads up of sorts.

Assuming you read the previous chapters, you are aware of what happened to Hinata and Kageyama as well as an implication of what happened to Shibayama.

However, there's a few other things I feel are important to mention so I'll list them this way.

Shibayama, Hinata and Kageyama: The three boys are plagued with horrible trauma from similar events, responding with Hinata humor and blocking out the memory, Kageyama with dissociation, and Shibayama with flashbacks and, well, you get the gist of it. I feel like I should address how much of this content is in this single chapter.

I don't like writing long chapters and I also didn't want to drag scenes out just so that shit wasn't all pushed together and overwhelming you. I felt like it was important to clump these things together and focus on different thing in different chapters, however this topic extends and mixes over 2-3 chapters including the previous one.

The reason why I decided to write this instead of just putting a little tag warning in the chapter's notes is because it'll be much different from what was previously written. Previously I simply made relatively clear implications of the events, based on Hinata's thoughts, Kageyama's insecurities, and Shibayama's reactions, however that's not what I will be doing. The next chapter is from primarily if not completely from Shibayama's POV and will include an extended flashback of himself and Inuoka after being triggered by one of the other boy's words and actions.

This flashback will be explicit and I repeat _explicit._ Everything will be written and not implied. The reason I've decided to do this is for a simple reason: character depth and expanding the story and it's depth(I forgot what I was initially going to type here haha). A similar scene will occur between two of the characters in the group, but it will not be written explicitly until a flashback later on(I love those, huh?)

There will be a warning in the chapter itself so that you can skip the scene, so don't worry about being startled more or less.

Warning 2: implications and revelations

While this is an apocalyptic world and "dark" doesn't begin to describe the situation they're in, the people reading the content are all different. In the following 2-3 chapters there will be implications and explicit revelations of- Eating disorder, Self harm and Suicidal thoughts/actions.

TL;DR

This is going to get extremely heavy and explicit(in a specific part) next chapter, and then the following chapters will be a bit lighter with hints of heavier topics throughout. Sorry haha.


	4. Firefly City

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like the tags in this work get worse every time I update.
> 
> I hope you guys are prepared for this.  
> There's a ⚠️Warning⚠️ so you can skip the graphic parts of the scene
> 
> I'm sorry the pacing is kinda ass, there was no way in hell I was going to write more elaboration on them walking for approximately two days and some hours. I don't have that much patience.
> 
> Our chapter tags this time are rape and panic attacks/PTSD(as usual)

Even sunrise light couldn't brighten his spirits. Nothing probably could. He was so used to sitting in the dark that it felt like he was in a new world and in a way, he sorta was. It wasn't the world he left.

Yuuki winced as he slid off the edge of the bed, hardly able to feel the hardwood floor through the bandages wrapped around the soles of his feet. How long has it been since he got out of there? It feels like the floor is on a tilt. It probably actually was.

Slowly he gets to his feet, emitting a soft squeak. He didn't know when, but at some point they had dressed him in a shirt that's about three sizes too big and pants that were still a size too big, hanging loosely around his thin hips. He was only 5'4, around the same size as their small middle blocker, so this stuff could belong to literally anyone bigger than that bald wing spiker, but it was more likely that they came from the big guy that carried him here yesterday.

Quietly, the boy approaches the window on the other side of the room, Seijoh's setter watching him quietly from the twin bed he laid in. Outside, the residential area was backlit by the sun, and a voice from behind him made him feel very stupid.

"It's dawn, not dusk," Oikawa's voice makes him turn around. Shibayama sighs softly. He slept for nearly two days, then?

"Oh…um well what happened to you?" He decided to turn around, leaning against the window and instantly regretting it, feeling a sharp pain in his lower back. He doesn't move though. He already looked pathetic enough.

"The bus we were on turned over. The metal scratched up my back and got a good little piece off my side. What about you, Shiba-chan?" The brunette tilts his head, looking genuinely curious about him.

"Tokyo...sorta," he answers. Oikawa only looks more puzzled, asking "What happened in Tokyo?"

"Uh well it's a mess down there but there's actual civilization. It didn't get hit by the bomb on the rainy day. It was Miyagi, Yamagata and Fukushima. I walked through something comparable to a wasteland to get here" he explains. "If you get up you can see the lights," he gestures for the setting to come join him.

Toru soon appears at the window beside him, following his line of sight as he points out into the distance. He breaths out, eyes spar0kling with amazement.

"Lights…" he exhales with a soft grin. 

Shibayama nods. "A part of the city is a functional society. Sorta," he meets his eyes with a little frown. "There's a lot of crime. Inuoka and I got picked up from the ruins of the school and taken to some type of refugee camp but it was outside of the city. Somewhere in Tochigi, in Utsunomiya. The part of the city that's still intact after the impacts in the bordering prefectures is a camp."

His expression changes, glancing at the door to ensure that no one was coming in. "They separated us and made us work. The jobs, though...because of my size and all, I couldn't do labour or anything, and I'm too young to work at bars or stuff like that so they gave me a job at a…." He quiets down, fiddling with his hands as he stared down at the window sill. He doesn't actually say the word. Instead he clears his throat. "Apparently it's a thing to keep soldiers from fighting amongst each other. They take their frustration out on me instead…they were supposed to take me home but…."

"You never made it back to Tokyo.." It doesn't help that Toru makes a whimpering sound, probably out of his own pain. "You're scared aren't you?" He asks, quickly catching the libero's attention.

But he nods. "We have to go back there, I know. To get through to Tokyo. To be...safe. I have all of you guys though, so…" he flinched feeling a hand on his shoulder, causing Oikawa to draw back.

"I'm gonna...head downstairs, everyone's probably worried or confused or...I dunno, I'm hungry…" Yuuki mumbled, taking another look back at the lights that shine in the distance before exiting the room. He looks around. It's pretty quiet. Everyone must be trying to sleep or something. They probably had some travel plans before he appeared.

He was wrong, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi were on the couch talking in low voices, the smaller of the two jumping when he heard the stairs creak beneath his bare feet. He gets up and approaches him, reaching to grab his hands and what was probably supposed to be an excited and comforting gesture, but Shiba pulls back instantly.

The greenette takes a step back, raising his hands slightly with a sympathetic smile. "Sorry, I'm Tadashi! How are you feeling? Ennoshita and Suga are upstairs, they might be asleep, but I can get them if you need?"

Shibayama shakes his head "No I'm okay, I'm feeling better, I uh, actually...Sugawara is your third-year setter, right? I wanted to apologise, actually. I kinda stabbed him, eheh…" the small teen nervously rubs the back of his neck, his eyes shifting to the tall blonde who remained on the couch. He looked pale and mad. He quickly looked away and focused back on Tadashi.

"Oh, right, you could wait until morning, I'm sure he doesn't blame you. He actually wasn't feeling too good, so Maybe wait till he's up?" The pinch server suggests. Yuuki just nods. Yamaguchi reaches towards him, causing him to step back and look down, tensing up as he grabbed the baggy parts of his shirt and collected it all in front of his stomach, securing it with a hairband so it no longer hung so loosely.

When he looked up at him, Tadashi's hair now hung around his neck, reaching just below his shoulders. It made sense since there was no one available to cut hair properly. Shibayama smiled softly.

"I think the shirt is Asahi's and the pants are Tanaka's. The others were looking for some spare clothes so you should have something of your own."

He seems to notice the distant look in Yuuki's eyes and lowers himself slightly to look him in the eyes. "Hey, um, Shibayama? You're not alone anymore."

The ravenette just nods "I know, I know, I just have a lot of stuff going on in my head." He answers, flinching at first but relaxing, allowing the other boy to gently grab his. Tadashi grins and decides to hug him.

And he lets him.

It feels good to have someone do this again. To make him feel even better than 'not alone'. It felt…like he was with someone. He holds onto his shirt tightly, shoving his face into his chest.

"Everything all good down here?"

They break apart to find the source of the voice. Nishinoya is standing at the top of the stairs, one hand on his hips and the other rubbing his eyes. Yamaguchi nods quickly. "Yeah, everything's fine! Shiba-chan is awake!" He lets go of him and rushes up the stairs to converse with the other libero.

Yuuki glances behind him at the blonde still sitting quietly on the couch. He wasn't looking at him. He looked pissed. Protective maybe? He wasn't sure. Either way, it was definitely directed at him.

Suddenly Tanaka appeared at the top of the stairs beside his smaller friend. And suddenly everyone seemed to be awake. Oikawa and Sugawara were missing, though. He wondered if the others had noticed he was awake yet?

The question was answered when suddenly arms wrapped around him. In his surprise he didn't notice who it was and couldn't hear his voice over the voices of everyone else. He snaps without hesitation, pushing forward aggressively, shutting his eyes tightly as he does so. All he hears is the sound of someone hitting the wall and the pause in the conversation. He holds his breath as he opens his eyes and slowly lowers his shaking arms. _Shit_.

"Hinata, I'm sorry, you scared me-" he takes a step back. As concerned as he was, he didn't want to approach the boy sitting in the floor with his head in his hands. He must've hit his head on the wall.

Yuuki took another step back, finding someone's hand on his wrist. Instantly he tries to rip himself away, but it had to have been Sawamura because there was no way any of the others could or would hold onto him that hard. Out of reflex he lifts his leg and drives his foot back, his heel landing square in his holder's stomach, forcing him to let go.

The black-haired teen darts up the stairs, slamming the bedroom door behind him, placing his back against the wall next to it and sliding to the floor. It felt like all the oxygen was being sucked out of the room and closing his airway. His whole body was shaking, vision blurring and seemingly going black. He heard his name being called but it sounded so distant until it was ringing loudly in his ears.

_"Get off of me! I want to go back to Tokyo, I wanna go back to Inuoka! I want to go home!"_

_It didn't matter how much he screamed or how hard he planted his feet into the floor, he was trapped. They wouldn't let him go. They wouldn't take the cuffs off his wrists and he wouldn't see his friend again as far as he knew. They were going to break him. That was all they wanted to do. He could sob in the back of a truck all he wanted, he wasn't escaping this place no matter how far he ran from it…_

"Yuuki!"

Color snapped back into his vision. Did he black out? Or faint? He could feel the tears stinging his cheeks even though he couldn't remember beginning to cry. He didn't know who he was with but he held onto them tightly. He didn't look up and instead looked down at the arm attached to the hand that rested on his cheek gently. Freckles spotted the back of his hand. Tadashi.

He was shushed before he could even speak.

"Wow, looks like everyone's just panicking today, huh? We're packing up, then we'll discuss where we're headed," Shirabu had appeared in the doorway with a blank expression on his face. What was up with him? Or well, a similar question could've been applied to himself.

He sits up slowly, finally looking up at the face of Karasuno's server. "Hey…" is all he says for a second, shuffling backward before helping him to his feet. Shibayama leans on his chest. "I didn't mean t-to hurt them, they grabbed onto me and I got scared, I-"

"Relax…" fingers run through his hair, and although that usually would've made it worse, he felt more comfortable with him. He sighs softly.

"I'm sorry…"

"Don't be. You were out for about half an hour. I think you fainted right after you came to. You were pretty out of it anyway. We can eat, and Tsukki's in the bathroom again, but he should be out by the time you're done so you can shower. How's that?

Yuuki doesn't answer verbally, he just nods. Food, shower, planning...sounds good.

\-----

"So what you're saying is we can't go that way?"

Daichi groans with stress and irritation, running his hand through his close-cropped hair as he paced back and forth beside the table.

Goshiki stared down at the floor from where he sat.

Shirabu just frowned "You can't be serious! They can't turn us away just like that!"

"They can," Tsukishima responded. "The tags are supposed to be our identifications just like a license or student ID. It keeps enemies out. Of course that wasn't as effective as we hoped. Or some of us are just bad at staying out of trouble," the blonde's eyes shift to where Kageyama and Hinata stood. Hinata glared back at him, but Kageyama didn't.

This only seemed to egg him on further. "Not only that but we've got a couple of murderers with us. If they find out-"

"They don't have to find out!" Hinata interrupted, voice cracking slightly as he tried to strongly endure the verbal abuse. Yuuki just frowns until something occurs to him.

"A couple? What do you mean * _a couple_?" He turns his attention from Tsukishima to Yamaguchi who stood between him and Tsukishima. "You only told me about what Hinata did, what's he talking about?" He suddenly sounds more frantic than he intended.

Yamaguchi just makes a face at Tsukishima and then looks back to him. He just points at Yamamoto who flinches at suddenly being noticed. "Shirabu told us he took out three of those guys and they stole their hoodies so they would be less conspicuous," he explains.

Tsukishima raises his eyebrows when the slightly shorter boy says 'conspicuous' as if surprised he knew the word before frowning and stating "I wasn't talking about him."

It feels like the broken and useless AC has suddenly come to life and made the air run cold.

_Hinata stabbed one guy to death_

_Tora shot three_

_He didn't kill anyone to escape the camp_

_So who the hell else killed somebody?_

"Uh- I don't know about you guys but this con makes me feel kinda unsafe…" Asahi says nervously, his brown eyes scanning over everyone's faces as if searching for a clue as to who was being referred to.

Shibayama feels Tadashi's hand on his shoulder. It's hard to differentiate between the trembling of his shoulders and the trembling of Tadashi's hand. It was probably supposed to be comforting but he wasn't feeling the intended effect just yet.

He looks to his other side where Sugawara is sitting with a slight frown. He stands up slowly, but by the time he's opened his mouth to speak, Nishinoya jumps up out of his own chair and shouts "If we can't go through, then we'll just go around!"

\-----

Nishinoya was able to get an approximation on how long it would take thanks to him still having a working phone. It would be a long walk but whatever to get to where they needed to go. From starting at 7 AM, they had plenty of daylight to go, but the issue was the two who were incapable of walking long distances- Shiba and Toru.

Shibayama did his best to walk sometimes, especially when they had to go hours at a time to make progress. He felt bad when Yamaguchi carried him on his back. The greenette just grinned at him each time.

Oikawa on the other hand was walking because they thought he would be okay today. He was fine for a while, for the first few hours, he said he felt fine when they took a break. So they let him.

"Hey, that's not fair, that's cheating!"

"Is not!"

Nishinoya and Hinata sound like they're arguing over some type of game, but Yuuki hasn't been playing the slightest bit of attention. Instead he's been more or less staring into space the whole time.

"Hey- hey!" He flinches and glances to his left. Yamaguchi gently shook his shoulder to bring him back to reality. "What? I'm fine, just thinking."

"Thinking, huh? About what?"

"I'm just kind of worried that I'll get recognized. I'm gonna get sent back to work again, I don't want to go back-" before he can even panic for more than a couple of seconds, Tadashi puts his arm around his shoulders.

"You have us now. You'll be fine as long as you're with us, remember? I'm not the most talented at float serves, but I can definitely keep you safe."

Yuuki smiles back at him. He turned his attention to the rest of the group. Everyone looked tired. It made sense of course, but it wouldn't help that they had to keep going for a while.

He hardly blinks for a second before he hears something heavy drop to the ground, causing him to jump. When he looks, everyone around him has stopped. Oikawa. The original king had collapsed. Quiet. He was quiet, no expression of pain except for soft whimpers that can hardly be heard.

This didn't seem like it was good. The look on Ennoshita's face was proof of it. Sugawara wasn't even looking. He had his head down, his bangs hiding his eyes. Something was up with him, but he couldn't describe what it was that made this so clear.

Maybe it was how quiet he had become or how he seemed to become closed off from everyone all of a sudden. Or maybe it was the long sleeves and hoodie. It wasn't that cold just yet. It was still pretty warm in September, or at least that's what he assumed it was. He had lost track of the time that went by. He was usually in the dark before so that hadn't been any help either.

Asahi is the one who picks the setter up off the ground. No one says anything.

Has this become too normal already?

\-----

Of course it would start raining. It was pitch black outside and everyone had tripped at least once as the rain got heavier. It was getting difficult to see, forcing them to duck into a house.

Hinata coughed a few times and Daichi confirmed that they didn't have running water this time.

Shibayama just drops on the floor with a whine "Oh _god_ not _again_ …" he exhales heavily, scanning the faces of everyone else. Everyone was completely soaked and Sugawara looked more miserable than Toru. There was no way to describe how he felt right now. Just- _fuck_.

\-----

Shibayama wasn't sure how much time had passed by now. Maybe an hour or so? He didn't even know how long they've been walking. He just knew that nobody was happy about this unfortunate incident.

He gets up off the floor and finds himself in the kitchen. The house is way too quiet. He didn't have a chance to question it before a soft "Hey," interrupted his thoughts, causing him to jump. Tadashi had a thing for being the one to calm him down and startle him the most.

"Hey.." Yuuki exhaled. Yamaguchi beckoned for him to come closer, approaching a door that he assumed was a closet, but was very wrong when it was opened. An enclosed patio. It didn't really matter though, the roof of it was mostly collapsed on itself and the rain poured in, but there was a small section that was still relatively intact.

Before being able to protest, he's dragged out to it, squeaking as rain is dumped onto his head before they shift to the covered space. Tadashi pulls him into a hug. He doesn't know why but he likes this. He doesn't notice the sound of cracking above his head.

"Hey, I've gotta question for you!" Yamaguchi had to raise his voice some above the loud pounding of the rain. Yuuki just nods, narrowing his eyes as water drips into his face from his hair.

"Can I touch you? Is that okay?"

Yuuki nods again. He feels a hand on his cheek.

"Tadashi!"

"Jesus-"

They both jump out of their skin and turn fast. Tadashi exhales when he sees Tanaka, but Shibayama feels almost as if he had forgotten to breathe.

"What's wrong?" Yamaguchi asked, shuffling past and leaving the black-haired boy with the sound of the rain beating overhead. He sighs and sits on the ground, leaning against an old couch, sighing as he watched the rain.

When he hears footsteps, he assumes it's Tadashi, but before he can stand up from hiding, a figure comes into view. Wet silver hair. Yuuki sinks back and holds his breath. He can't help his curiosity, poking his head out.

The setter has his sleeves rolled up and is digging through the pockets of his hoodie for something. _What could he possibly be looking for?_

He pauses and narrows his eyes when he pulls something out. It glints in the moonlight that seeps through the dark clouds. Shibayama forces himself not to make a sound, shuffling back to where he sat.

_Oh…fuck._

\-----

Someone had uncovered a great find of some blankets and towels. So now he sat on the floor of one of the three bedrooms. They pulled him out of the room with Oikawa because he was getting worse, so now he was surrounded by the loud ones with his hands over his ears. It sounded like Tanaka and Nishinoya were roughhousing somewhere behind him with Hinata encouraging them of course because what else did he do?

Yamamoto was shouting at them as well and he wasn't listening hard enough to know if it was good shouting or bad. He hated it either way. Why would they put him in here? Why couldn't he be in the quiet room with Shirabu, Tadashi and the others? Sugawara and Ennoshita were in the same room with Oikawa.

 _Sugawara_ …

He shakes his head and peeks around the side of the bed, frowning at the mass of teenagers romping on the floor. Damn, he couldn't even leave with them blocking the door. He was too scared to say anything. So he just cries. He's a crybaby. He's a crybaby who almost wants to go home. He wonders if Inuoka is even still alive for him to go home to. Maybe he freaked out when he found out he was gone and they murdered him. Maybe.

Maybe…

Oh not again…

_Not again…_

\-----

*

*

\---Approximately a month ago---

"Hey, Shiba-chan,"

Shibayama lifts his head from where he sat curled up on the floor of the truck. "Hm?"

"Just making sure you were awake…" the brunette mumbled quietly, meeting his eyes with a soft grin. Yuuki smiles back at him, feeling his hand messing with his raven-colored hair.

"Why? I'm tired, I kinda do want to sleep now that you mention it," he replies. He sees the cute little pout appear on Sō's face.

"Don't sleep on the floor at least. Come up here with me, you'll be much more comfortable with me than on the cold metal floor!" He reaches out his arms and Yuuki is quick to get to his feet, stumbling at the unsteadiness of of the moving truck and climbing into Inuoka's lap, leaning his head against his chest. "You're actually pretty warm…" he mumbles.

The taller boy chuckles softly "See? I told you so! Come on, when am I wrong? When we get to work I'm gonna make sure you have everything you want, okay?" He hugs the smaller boy tightly which causes him to giggle.

"Everything? Okay then, I'm going to write a whole list of things I want and then you have to get them for me, deal?"

"Deal."

They both laugh and choose to snuggle up against each other. Shibayama is first to fall asleep to the sound of his boyfriend's heartbeat.

Until it speeds up and even through his sleep he can feel the anxiety that pounds in his chest. His eyes flutter open, blinking to adjust his eyes to the light. He groans softly, lifting his hand to rub his eye, but finds his wrist being grabbed. He can feel his heartbeat. He looks up slowly. Sō is looking ahead. He was trying to keep _him_ from looking. What happened when he was asleep?

"Inu-chan?"

"Shh, hold on."

He doesn't move. He jumps when he hears a voice shout "You two!" From behind him. It wasn't until now that he realizes the truck has stopped. He tightens his grip on Inuoka's shirt. Without letting go Inuoka stands up with him still in his arms. He mumbles "Shiba-chan, no matter what, don't let go of my hand…."

He gently puts the teen down, his grip on him only releasing as they are guided down out of the truck. The moment they touch solid ground, their hands are together again. Yuuki frowns, looking around. They're in a city it looks like. Or what's left of one. Behind him, a soldier explains "We'll have you two tagged and your information will be collected for purposes of counting our population. You came from Tokyo so this shouldn't take too long."

"What does it matter that we came from Tokyo?" Inuoka asked, glancing back briefly at the man who was speaking to him. He inhaled sharply and turns back around. He doesn't get an answer to his question. Yuuki practically holds his breath to hold back his sobs and tears. It'll be just like in Tokyo. Inuoka will hold him and tell him it's fine. He'll let him cry in his arms and they'll be fine because that's just how they are. They're just fine.

\-----

That's exactly what they did.

They were sent to a small room full of other people that came and went every so often. Some went and didn't come back. They didn't even have real beds, just futons laid out on the floor. As promised, they stayed together, Yuuki fitting comfortably against Inuoka. They murmured soft promises that they knew would be impossible to keep anyway, but would love to try to keep them for fun. Sō told Shibayama that he would buy him as much of his favorite food as possible when he made enough money. Shibayama told him he would find their teammates and revive them if they were dead just to play volleyball in the apocalypse. Playing sports in the end of the world sounded like a lot of fun.

So naturally, when they hook their pinkies together and whisper "pinky promise", he believes him completely.

All of his trust is in the tall brown-haired boy that he was lucky enough to call his. In the end, is he really even lucky in the end? Is all the heartbreak worth it? Was the promise worth being woken up in the middle of the night and forcefully separated when they realized there were few things he would be useful for?

Shiba stopped tracking time, not wanting to know how long he's been away. A soldier guy with blonde-ish hair told him that they would be reunited in Tokyo. They weren't. He wondered if he was lying to calm him down, or if the face of horror that he made while watching him get an invasive medical examination meant that he had been just as shocked and scared as him.

Shibayama caught him off guard once. That last day of relative freedom where he was left barefoot but still in his clothes, freshly cleaned. He chose to ask the soldier guy "What're you doing here?"

The question receives a soft response of "I didn't have a choice, I don't want to do this," at some point he had started crying. His voice barely rises above a whisper when he says "I'm only seventeen…"

Yuuki asks for his name, but doesn't get it. Instead the older boy just looks away, face hidden by his hood and strands of blonde hair, so instead he asks "Why did they take me away from Inu-chan?" Which thankfully gets him an answer this time.

"I still don't really know the answer to that, but as far as I know, it was because they were afraid of him retaliating after he found out what you have to do here," the blonde answers.

"What I have to do here? What you mean _what I have to do here_?" He stands up from where he sat on the floor, trying to look at the guy's face, but he moves away while simultaneously trying to explain.

"You don't have the strength or size or skills required for most jobs here, so they've chosen this for you. You would have a chance if they were sending you back to Tokyo but they won't be. I watched them take your names off of the list...I'm sorry."

It feels like Shibayama's heart drops to the floor. "Why won't they take me home? I don't want to stay, this isn't what we wanted!"

"This isn't what I wanted either, okay? It was to either take this job or end up in a similar situation and I don't think I'm fit for either, but I'm still alive and well, so I'll be alright," the blonde soldier replies.

They both flinch when they hear the door open and the guy subtly gestures for him to step back. Just talking was a bit calming despite the topic, but all that calm went away when the blonde soldier looks away from him as if trying not to witness something unbearable. Yuuki is approached by two men, both who appear to be strong although not particularly big, but height was definitely on their sides regardless of that. For once there was now a proper light turned on in the room. He could now see them with more clarity.

They were all young with relatively athletic builds, that was quickly apparent. The blonde had brown eyes that currently appeared to be soft and sad. The guy standing directly in front of him seemed to have brown hair beneath his hood, his eyes green. The other had black hair visible and tired, annoyed-looking gunmetal blue eyes where it's hard to tell if they're actually blue or green. Even with the lower half of his face and his hair covered, something seemed familiar about him.

The lights go off again and he's harshly grabbed by his wrists by one of them who maneuvers behind him and holds him against his chest with a relentless grip while the guy had his back against the wall for support. They didn't talk and that felt like it made it worse. What was all this for?

He squirmed around as much as he can manage but it's not helpful in the slightest with him being so small. Suddenly there are hands on Shibayama's hips. Hands that move to the front of his body and he reflexively kicks at him, missing his target in his haste.

⚠️Skip point for Non-con scene⚠️

Said target fumbles with the teen's pants until they're loose and starting to slide off of his small hips and it's only now where he realizes he has been completely silent in his shock. His shorts slide down to his ankles no matter how much he kicks and squirms, his bottom half is left exposed. Cold hands are touching him where they shouldn't be. _Why him?_

He leans his head back hard against the chest of the guy holding him, eyes shut tightly. His voice caught in his throat. He could feel his wrists beginning to bruise and a sharp pain is suddenly shooting through the lower region of his body. That's when he finds it in himself to speak. Or well, it was more like he screamed at the top of his lungs until his throat was sore. And they let him. They let him scream, maybe because they didn't care or maybe they didn't want to. A part of him wondered if they felt bad. They hadn't looked much older than the blonde guy if they were older at all. Were they forced into the as well? His body feels numb. It feels like he's slipped into a void of no sound, no light, no pain. He couldn't even feel how he was screaming his throat raw. Not that it was the only thing causing that.

By the time he opens his eyes again, he is restrained but on the floor with nothing but the wall behind him. He tries to stand, but his legs are too shaky to hold him up for more than a split second.

Even then it doesn't matter, his face is pushed against the wall harshly and he can feel the blood dripping down the side of his face. He can feel the hot breath against the back of his neck and he can hear the voice of someone giving orders.

He can't even look to the blonde guy for help because he was pinned against the wall, fully exposed and legs trembling, pain shooting through his body again. He can't space out this time, he can't split his mind off from his body and sit in the void until it's all over.

Instead he has to suffer through agony and listen to the instructions to _"pull his hair, see what he does!"_ Which just causes him to shriek as his head is roughly jerked back. He preferred Inuoka's soft kisses to anything like this. He preferred _anything_ to anything like this!

_**Anyone would prefer sweet kisses than being aggressively fucked up against a wall by someone you don't-** _

His head is jerked back again and he locks with those eyes again. Gunmetal blue with dark hair...he finally opened his mouth to do something other than sob or scream. He felt like he was choking on the oxygen in the room, eyes wider than they've been this whole time.

⚠️ It's safe to return, Welcome back⚠️

"A...k-ka.."

He blacked out. Or well, he was pretty sure he was knocked unconscious by a blow to the head. Those eyes haunted him. Gunmetal blue...hard to tell if it's blue or green…

\-----

*

*

\-----

He was being held tightly, so much so that he almost pulled away. Almost. He recognized this. The scattering of freckles on their neck which he had at some point shoved his face into. He pulls back slightly. As usual. Tadashi is smiling at him. He feels like that smile on his face gets sadder every time he sees it.

"I heard you screaming and you weren't responsive. You're shaking like a leaf, Yuuki," he says his name gently as if worried that even that could set him off. It wouldn't, at least not when he said it.

"I...I was...stuck," is all the ravenette can manage to describe it. It felt real. He could still feel the lingering sensations of…

He shakes his head to clear it. As if understanding, Tadashi nods and explains "You should rest, we have a long day tomorrow. We should be able to make good distance. When we get there, I'll make sure we all stay together, okay?"

"Promise?"

"Pinky,"

"Okay,"

Tadashi raises his hand slightly, hooking his pinky finger with Yuuki's, pulling him back close into a hug.

This was fine. They were fine.

\-----

Another two days of hearing people complain and crumble. Sometimes it was Nishinoya or Hinata complaining about their feet hurting. Sometimes it was Oikawa throwing up, or Shibayama limping- he always had a limp, but it got worse to the point where he was starting to stumble a bunch. Suga had gone quiet and isolated, and Tsukki wasn't looking too hot either. Everyone was suffering. And then there was Tadashi who quietly witnessed it all. He had to debate on whose hand he wanted to hold which was an entertaining thought process, but in the end he holds Tsukki's hand and puts his arms around Yuuki's shoulders. The small boy smiles at him and Tsukki flashes him a much calmer little grin.

"I have to piss!" Tanaka announces loudly. He doesn't see it but he can hear Ennoshita's hand colliding with the back of his head. He snickers softly, although it worries him slightly when Tsukki doesn't.

He's been quiet too, except for opportunities to take jabs at the other guy's misfortunes. He also shoots nasty looks at Kageyama and Shibayama. He isn't sure why and he has yet to ask, but he isn't sure he wants to find out just yet. Suddenly, the latter freezes, causing Yamaguchi to stop as well, which in turn caused Tsukki to pause.

"What is it?" Tadashi asked softly.

"Do you hear that?" The small teen looked around. Tadashi frowns and looks around as well. He did hear it. A rumbling sound that seemed to be gradually getting louder, starting to create a vibration under their feet.

"Guys, look," although it's said calmly, Yamamoto points to a street on their right. A truck. Everyone takes several steps back and naturally seems to form a cluster group as the vehicle comes quickly down the road, tires making an awful sound as they come to a halt. There's a long pause.

The group seems to exchange glanced between each other before settling on the driver's side window. A guy poked his head out with a black hood over his head and medical mask hiding his mouth and nose.

Everyone freezes. That outfit looked too familiar.

The guy ducks back in and it sounds like the doors unlocked before he pokes the whole top half of his body out the window and pushes his hood off his head. He had blonde hair with the back and sides shaved into an undercut, although his dark brown roots were showing. He used his index finger to pull the mask off his face, flashing a tongue piercing as he shouted with a smile.

"Get in losers, we're going shopping!"

Everyone seems to have their jaws wide open. Hinata is the first to energetically shout "Terushima!"

The blonde practically cackles, ducking back into the car. Of course no one questions it, throwing open the doors and climbing insides. It seems like all of a sudden, everyone has a sparkle of hope.

_Except for Yuuki._

Yuuki looks tense beside him. He doesn't have a chance to ask before another guy glances back at them as the truck starts up again. He still has his hood on and it appears that he's doing a headcount. He frowns at Oikawa, mumbling something inaudible beneath his breath before sitting back in his seat properly. Iwaizumi.

No one says much except for the little energetic ones who talked about all the things they wanted to do when they got to the camp, like take proper showers and get clothes that weren't torn and dirty.

He liked the thought of that. He decided to calmly jump into the conversation "They probably have some really good food, it's a good thing we ended up here. If we had much farther to go we might've run out of stuff," he says. There's a quiet but mutual agreement between them all. Shibayama shifts nervously, attracting Tadashi's attention.

"Is something wrong?" He asks gently, simply receiving a nod in response. There's a brief pause before Shibayama answers slowly "I...saw them before."

For some reason a shiver goes up Yamaguchi's spine as he asks "I mean, you've probably played their teams back before all this shit started, right? Or…"

Yuuki shakes his head. "Nekoma never played Seijoh or Johzenji…"

Yamaguchi has chills. Although no more words are spoken, they keep eye contact until the truck comes to a stop. Tadashi looks up as Terushima throws one of the back doors open with a big smile. He's put the hood back over his head and the mask is pulled down to his chin. "Don't be so tense, it's kinda sus!" He jokes. He's seriouswith the instruction, but the way it was dealt was probably a tactic to make them relax.

Iwaizumi carries Oikawa this time, and even gets a tired little "Hey, Iwa-chan~" in greeting despite the setter hardly being conscious.

They approach a gate that blocks off the road ahead. There stands another soldier who speaks to the Terushima and Iwaizumi in a low voice, making some pointing gestures before stepping back. Terushima turns to the group and puts his hands on his hips "Alrighty, so- you're gonna get tagged and we're going to collect your information in a system so that you'll be registered and can head to Tokyo when available! If you want to, you can request for another person's whereabouts!" He extends his arms in another gesture "You're free to wander as you please in any area that's not restricted and uhhh...uh…." He seems to lose his train of thought from speaking so fast. Iwaizumi interrupts.

"Meals are 7 to 9, 12 to 1, and 4 to 6. Curfew is 10PM and you can roam again at 4AM. You following so far? Right, you'll be assigned a place to stay once your information is done, you should all be in the same place since we recently sent some people to a different location. If it has a little yellow sticker or sign on it, don't touch it unless given permission. That's it, so head on in."

As usual, he explains things pretty cut-and-dry. He takes Oikawa in first and the rest of the group follows Terushima. It's as if a section of the city was cut out of the rest of the country. It looked nothing like the ruined houses and stores they were used to and had seen on the way here.

They are led to a different building that probably used to be something else, but now a banner covered the sign and read-

_Hotarushi_

Hinata and Nishinoya hawk up at the building and then look to Ennoshita as if for some type of instruction. Ennoshita answers their unspoken questions with a soft voice.

"Firefly City…"

"The only lights you see for miles," Asahi guesses the purpose of the name and Terushima nods at him as he opens the glass door. "Absolutely as far as we know." He bows in a dramatically polite way as the group walks in.

Tadashi feels Yuuki flinch and glances down as he recalls that the latter lacked shoes and instead his feet were bandaged. He probably got startled by the cold of the linoleum beneath their feet.

Tadashi giggles softly and Shibayama blushes, puffing out his cheeks and keeps walking beside him. They find themselves in a relatively large room with desks where people were sat on each side.

"Alright, just wait in line and I'll be back with you guys when you're all done!" Terushima gives them a playful salute before slipping past them and out the door. Iwaizumi has already disappeared with Oikawa somewhere.

For the most part they stay together as they wait for their turns. Tadashi zones out for a few minutes, hypnotized by the feeling of Shibayama's hand in his. He steps forward when a voice calls to him. It's a tired-looking foreign woman who dismissively waved her hand at Shibayama, silently telling him to back up. With a nervous glance, he takes a few steps back.

The lady grabs his wrist, scanning over the information on his tag before glancing up at home then attending to her computers typing something in before exhaling heavily. "Okay, Tadashi, you're in. Any mental illness or anything like that?"

"Um no."

"Alright then, go ahead. Need anything else?"

After a slight pause the teen shakes his head. The lady just nods and waves over Yuuki who approaches cautiously. The lady looks annoyed already, so he smiles at the smaller guy and points over to where the rest of their friends that had cleared were waiting. Yuuki just nods and approaches the lady while Yamaguchi returns to their friends. Hinata is jumping around energetically.

Before he can ask about it, Kageyama interrogates him "What's got you so hyper?"

"My sister! My sister is still somewhere! They said she's registered but they'll have to check for her location!" Shouyo is beaming brighter than the sun his name stood for. Everyone seems to like this answer. Tsukishima butts in "my brother is a soldier in Tokyo is what I was told" he has the slightest grin on his face. "I found my sister too!" Yamamoto interjects. Everyone seems to be in a relatively better mood now. Hope had been restored to many of them. Then Daichi's expression changes. Naturally, Tadashi looks behind him.

A young woman has her hand on Suga's back, guiding him off somewhere, while not far from him, a soldier guy is half-dragging Goshiki by his upper arm in a different direction. Shirabu is fidgeting like crazy.

"What's going on?" Yuuki asks as he comes up beside Yamaguchi with a worried expression on his face. Nobody knows. Another soldier approaches them, removing his mask and hood to greet them.

Tadashi hears Yuuki's breath hitch.

"Akaashi!" Hinata cheers, and the slightest smile appears on the newcomer's face, reminding him of how Tsukki usually acts.

The male was in a black hoodie like the others, his hair just a slightly lighter shade of black that seems to shine in the florescent light. "Health and identity check" he said flatly as per usual. "Sugawara will be taken to the medical center, they probably found something alarming. Goshiki will just be taken upstairs so that they can pull up his file. Goshiki shouldn't be too long, I can't say for sure about Suga."

His eyes seem to have a slight sparkle to them as if amused by the appearance of people he knew. It was probably a good change of pace for him. The lights reflected in his pretty yet confusing gunmetal blue eyes. He squints slightly before tilting his head.

_It was kinda hard to tell if it was blue or green._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope nobody was too disturbed. It was a bit hard for me to write the non-consensual scenes because I also write smut fics and I have to adjust my word used to this serious scenario where certain vocabulary I would normally use in my consensual or dub-con scenarios would be inappropriate. I just hope I didn't do too bad with it.
> 
> In any case, prepare for some fluffy stuff and some more reunions next chapter! Of course you'll still have a bit of your usual content, but not nearly as heavy as this got. I'm also proud of myself for updating so relatively consistently.
> 
> As usual, comments are really appreciated, gimme your questions, thoughts and possible plot ideas and I'll put them into consideration.


	5. TMI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys stop in the Utsunomiya camp and stick around with some familiar faces and some scary close calls. With information from Yuuki, they end up finally in Tokyo sooner than they thought.
> 
> Yuuki isn't sure if he regrets falling in love or not when an intimate moment turns into something humiliating and potentially damaging.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, TMI is the title of this chapter.
> 
> Here's something to know about me- I can be accurately be described as a horny bastard.
> 
> See where this is going yet?
> 
> The whole purpose of this account was to separate the mature stuff from the teen-rated stuff but uh...heh. I can't help myself.
> 
> Don't sweat it too much, it's a rather sweet scene. I actually had a bit of trouble writing the scene in a tame way(cause, y'know, this is an angst apocalypse fic, not a- you get the point.) I considered keeping them in Utsunomiya for longer, but I had an idea that I couldn't avoid doing.
> 
> This was also supposed to be a cuter chapter overall, but then I started writing it from Shibayama's POV and it went downhill from there, I'm sorry haha.
> 
> Anyway, just like before, there's a ⚠️ Warning⚠️ before and after the scene but this is a completely romantic and consensual situation, so if you can handle 18+ then I suggest reading it to recover from all the trauma you witnessed one of the boys go through before.
> 
> But hypocritical as usual, our chapter warnings are attempted rape and unintentional suicide attempt(makes more sense when you read it)

The sound of rain pouring down outside feels like a lullaby compared to the haunting music it used to feel like. Shibayama had long become used to sleeping on hard floors or thin futons on the floor, or ratty old mattresses that offer the same level of comfort as the floor did -which he honestly preferred in comparison-.

Rather than a nightmare, he was deep in a dreamless sleep which he felt was worse in a way. 

He feels the warmth beside him disappear, causing him to roll I and reach out his hand, attempting to grab what was responsible for the missing heat. After a second he has a handful of fabric. He opens his eyes slowly and slightly. A grin slips onto his face.

Tadashi. The taller boy had gotten up and was sitting on the edge of the bed, but he wasn't alone. Daichi was standing about a foot away with his arms crossed over his chest. Shibayama could hardly make out the words through his tired daze. He feels Tadashi's hand run through his straight black hair and down to his shoulder. He tenses. Yuuki frowns slightly. What was wrong here?

He sits up slowly and is quickly pulled closer into something best described as a half hug. He hardly catches their words.

_Suga...hospital…..I….C...U…... won't...give... condition...yet..._

Wait.

Yamaguchi flinches when Yuuki sits up a bit too quickly. Daichi just frowns at him. When he looks around he realizes that the rest of their group was also awake more or less. Something clicks suddenly as his mind fills in the blanks. The muffled words starting to register in his mind.

_"Suga's still in the hospital. He's in the ICU all of a sudden, but I don't know why. They won't give me any information on his condition yet."_

For a long second, Shibayama wants to comfort Yamaguchi, and then at some point realized he would rather sleep and ask questions in the morning. He didn't feel like dealing with this right now. Or ever in all honesty.

He lays back down and tries to pull Tadashi down with him, but he won't come. He seems to be frozen. He pulls on his shirt and whimpers when his hand is slapped away.

Finally when hearing the pitiful noise, Yamaguchi wraps his arms around him and apologizes softly.

He can feel that the other boy is crying, but he doesn't say anything. He was used to it. Reacting to nightmares and pretending not to hear cries for the sake of the other person's pride was just something they naturally did.

\-----

Finally morning came, but his night felt sleepless. He was excited when he got up for breakfast, but was more or less excited when several of the people sitting it their group table looked solemn. There was a heavy silence among them, filled with the heavy steps of boots as Iwaizumi approached them with some information.

"Oikawa will have to go through a minor procedure to remove all the shit that's in his wounds since they weren't cleaned properly, but the doctor said that if they hadn't been done at all then he might have died before you arrived, so…"

Iwaizumi bows slightly in Ennoshita's direction before continuing. "Sugawara is stable."

"What the hell happened to him?" Daichi demands with narrowed eyes. Iwa just shook his head.

"I'm not allowed to tell you that. Even if I was, I would likely choose not to. In any case, they'll switch him to a different ward when he's stable enough for it, and he'll return when the doctors see fit."

Daichi glared daggers at him, standing slowly. Iwaizumi's hand went behind his back as he took a step back. He wasn't surprised nor phased when Sawamura grabbed him by the collar of his hoodie, practically growling. "Come on this is our friend, this isn't funny!"

There's a clicking sound, like the metal hitting lightly against something.

Nishinoya's eyes flashed with panic "Daichi, back up!"

The brunette wasn't listening to him, though. He said something so low that the rest of them couldn't hear, but whatever it was, it set Iwaizumi off. It was a swift motion, easy to miss since Shibayama was sitting on their left side and Iwaizumi is right-handed. Daichi becomes tense.

"Back _up_ , Sawamura. Don't talk about Oikawa like you really know him. You're treading on thin ice with that sharp tongue of yours. _Think_ before you _speak_."

He slowly returns the gun into a holster in the back of his jeans, covering it by his hood. He turns and walks off.

He looks like he's subtly trembling.

"What could you have possibly said to him to make him pull out a _gun_ on you, Daichi?!" Nishinoya squeaked. It looked like Asahi was trying and failing to calm the smaller boy. Daichi sat down as slowly as he had stood.

"Oikawa wouldn't be alive if it weren't for Suga. It's not fair that he doesn't give us the same courtesy…" he mumbles the statement, and there's an awkward silence and an audible wince from somebody. Yeah, that sounded like it would sting the setter's best friend from childhood.

"Iwaizumi and Oikawa are extremely tight-knit. You can't pull something like that and expect him to just back down," Kageyama interrupts.

Daichi mutters something under his breath. He doesn't seem to like being lectured by his kouhai.

"You were about to hurt him just to be reassured of Suga's wellbeing, and you can't expect it not to work the same way around-!"

"Would you shut up, Please? You've been gagged before and I won't be afraid to do it to you if you don't learn how to shut your mouth!" The captain snaps, causing the first-year to flinch. He basically told him: _I know what you've been through and I'll use it against you if I feel like I have to._

Yuuki shudders, glancing to Tadashi for help. He doesn't appear to have an idea either.

Once again, the atmosphere holds no sound except for the few who continued to eat. There was a highly tense air about it all since no one wanted to speak after that until finally-

"Tsukki," Yuuki nearly jumped as he heard Tadashi speak up beside him. He was poking Tsukishima's arm in an almost playful manner. "You can't get stronger if you don't eat, pleaseee? Just a little bit?"

The blonde gave him a harsh look, causing Tadashi to sink back closer to Shibayama.

The latter glanced over at everyone's plates. Everyone had eaten at least some food with the exception of the first-year in question. It seemed that he had just pushed the food around on the plate for the past 20 minutes. Yuuki looked around at all the other people who were calmly enjoying their meal or chatting amongst each other. His eyes landed on a window. More accurately it was the building he could see that caught his attention.

_Hotarushi Informations Center_

Read a sign placed over the original.

He stands up quickly, promptly startling everyone else currently present in a 10-foot radius of him. No one goes after him when he hurries out the room and runs down the hallway. Someone shouts at him as he passes by but he just keeps running. He'd forgotten about the injuries on the soles of his feet somehow. He was too excited to notice as he rushed into the building across the street.

He wasn't sure he saw anyone that wasn't at least slightly startled by his sudden appearance, but he didn't care. He rushed to the elevator with the feeling that he could've injured himself had he hit the button any harder.

He couldn't sit still for more than a couple seconds as if he was on a time crunch. Once again he startled several people when he slammed his hands on the reception desk.

"Sorry- H-Hi, I want to look someone up in the system!"

The woman at the desk glared at him and crossed her arms, jerking her head in the direction of a different desk with several monitors and a guy hidden somewhere in there.

Nodding, Yuuki hurried over. Before he even touched the desk this time, the man held up his hand as a gesture for him to stop. He peeks at the short boy between the monitors. He just sighs and holds out his hand, wanting to see his wrist but instead, Shibayama just gives him his name. The man seems unimpressed but sighs and asks "Fine then. Name?"

"Sō Inuoka!"

There's a pause. An extended, uncomfortable pause.

Then finally the man starts typing and clicking so much that Shibayama questions if he's actually looking for what he asked about. After a moment he sighs again, turning the monitor's screen towards him. His eyes lit up yet his face fell.

It was him, it was.

_Inuoka Sō, age 16, Original resident of Tokyo. Transferred to Utsunomiya camp for approximately one and a half months to date. He and his partner (See file: Shibayama Yuuki) were separated and his partner disappeared after a few weeks of participating in unpaid sex work. He was transferred back to Tokyo, as Utsunomiya hospital staff were not properly equipped to treat the mental illness that resulted of the shock and depression of losing his partner. He reportedly attempted and failed suicide after he was returned to Tokyo. The staff kept the letter he attempted to leave behind against his wishes for an unknown reason._

_Warning: This file has not been updated for an extended period of time._

Yuuki takes a deep breath "Umm...how could I get to Tokyo as soon as possible?" He asks softly, fidgeting with his hands as he bounces on the balls of his feet. The guy looks up at him, turning the monitor back to himself and mumbling "if you're looking to reunite with him then I suggest you don't."

Shibayama flinches, eyes widening "What? Why? H-He's my…"

"There is a truck out of here every other Monday. If you would like to go, then you'll have to wait another week. I'm leaving this to your own judgement. If you get on that truck, there is a possibility that you will get beaten, kidnapped, raped, and or murdered. The city isn't like what foreigners once praised us for. It's wild and you've seen it yourself. Take it from me, a petite young guy like yourself won't be able to last. You got what you wanted, now get out of my face."

"Wait-"

"What is it now?"

"Um, how can we get access to the hospital?, Or well-, information on a patient?"

"Iwaizumi isn't going to permit you to access someone you know."

At this point, Yuuki turns on his heels and storms out. He's Ange. He doesn't know at who or what but he's angry. So angry that hot, angry tears start spilling down his face as he goes back to the small apartment they were given.

No one else is there, allowing him to freely sob into his pillow as much as he wants until he passes out.

A hand lands on his shoulder. There's a soft whisper in his ear. A voice that made him remember what he's lost, what he has and what he probably couldn't get back. He sits up and before he know what he's doing, he swings his arm.

Tadashi hardly makes a sound as he stumbles back to the floor, one hand keeping him up and the other holding his jaw.

Shibayama drops down on top of the taller boy, rage flashing as he tears at his clothes. "Agh, I hate you! I hate you, I hate you!",

"Yuuki, get off- ack-!" Karasuno's first year seethes and shrieks as scratches on his thigh and stomach start dripping blood. Despite the size difference, Shibayama's anger seems to overpower Tadashi's pathetic voice and shaky hands that fail to push him off.

"I hate how you make me love you! I hate how you make me forget about him, I hate how you make me want you to kiss me and make me feel good in every possible way!"

The libero is seeing red, figuratively and literally. He didn't even realize he was causing him to bleed.

"I hate how you make me want to have sex with you because you're so sweet and gentle and I…"

He halts.

Tadashi has a weak, shaky grip on one of his wrists, salty tears mixed with blood that leaks from his nose. His voice is as small and gentle and sweet as always. "I-I would if you asked...just stop, please."

Slowly, Yuuki shuffles back. He's practically frozen otherwise. Yamaguchi wraps his arms around him gently, holding him to his chest. "I know why you left this morning...I hope you found what you were looking for. Let me know what you want to do and I'll stay beside you, Yuuki."

"I want to find Inu-chan…"

"Then that's where we'll go."

"But why? You already know what he is to me."

"And I also know what _you_ are to _me_."

Yuuki tastes copper in the kiss, the metallic flavor of blood in the other boy's mouth. He was just a kid. A kid who shouldn't be familiar with the taste of blood in his mouth. He shouldn't be familiar with pain and tears, but it was fine. Here in the moment. Right now.

\-----

Days past slowly and uneventfully. It was boring and kind of weird. On the third day, Iwaizumi told Daichi he could see Sugawara, but the setter rejected visitors and he wasn't let in.

On day four, Tsukishima fainted at some point according to Tadashi.

On day five, well he's never been one to doubt the power of Fridays.

He's startled out of his concentration on a book when the door flies open in a rather aggressive manner. Not even Ennoshita's teammates have seen him with this much energy, and if they had, it had clearly been a long time since.

The raven-haired wing spiker was waving a paper in the air excitedly. After recovering from the momentary shock, Daichi stood up and grabbed the paper from him, his eyes scanning over it before widening. The captain wrapped an arm around his Kouhai's neck and pulled him into a hug.

Yuuki and Tadashi exchanged rather confused glances.

"Ennoshita got a job at the hospital," Daichi explained. Yamaguchi grinned, not even looking at him anymore. No one noticed the horror that registered on Shibayama's face. They were settling right now.

They were all happy settling here for a while, they were happy not leaving before they were told to, they were...content. they were getting their shit together and that's exactly what they were hoping to do, but...Tokyo…

"But we have to get to Tokyo!" He blurts out, quickly shrinking back as eyes are now on him.

"We can settle for a little while. Why are you so eager to leave?" Daichi questioned, sounding accusatory as if suspecting the smaller boy of some horrid crime. 

"He found Inuoka in the system," Tadashi interrupts to explain. He doesn't look, but he could hear the sound of Daichi shuffling and crossing his arms.

"We just got a bit settled and you're already trying to leave? Inuoka will still be alive when we are ready to get there!"

"But he might not be!"

"And why is that?"

He'd hardly notice that he had stood up. He might've been nose-to-nose with Daichi if they didn't have such a difference in their height. Yuuki swallows nervously.

"Because Inu-chan's file said he tried to kill himself because he was forced to say separated from me! What's supposed to stop him from trying again if I'm not there? You know what? I'm kind of glad I didn't tell you about Sugawara!"

"What?!"

"Yuuki…."

Tadashi's voice was a warning in and of itself as both of the high schoolers were extremely heated. Just like earlier with Iwaizumi, they were both treading on very thin ice talking about the person they loved or were protective over in this way. He doesn't know what compels him too, but he foolishly blurts out the dark truth.

"I saw him cut his wrists on the patio back at the safehouse! That's what happened to him! He probably cut too deep and almost died! What would you want to do if I told you that and you were miles away from him! In a way you practically are! He doesn't even want to see you!"

"Yuuki!"

Tadashi's voice was a shrill cry in the darkness that was his closed eyes. His cheek stung as if he'd been burned by something. This wasn't the case. He'd simply been smacked across the face. He consequently begins to sob like a child as he slowly opens his eyes and watches Daichi's expression morph from fury to horror at what he'd done. He takes a step back.

\-----

"Shibayama, I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"He can't hear you," Yamaguchi interrupts, the edge in his tone shocking everyone in the room. The first-year pulls the small libero back onto the bed and to his chest.

"His mind is trying to protect himself from a perceived threat" Ennoshita explains from where he stands by the door. Daichi raises an eyebrow so he continues "Kageyama and Shibayama dissociate so that they can't experience the trauma."

Kageyama looks somewhat scared and offended that he was brought into this.

"Except Shibayama ends up in a more intense state of mind. He gets flashbacks while Kageyama can't recall the incident unless he's actually been triggered by something, and Hinata…" the raven-haired boy pauses, the small tangerine making a rather confused expression. Ennoshita paused because he couldn't name what Hinata's mind did to defend against the shitty things that went on around him. So he just stopped trying.

"Uh anyway, his mind shuts him off from his environment pulls him back to his bad memory, and so far Tadashi is the only one who can ground him…"

Tadashi looked extremely distressed, holding onto the whimpering boy tightly, gently rubbing his thumb back and forth over the back of Shibayama's hand.

"What's wrong with you, Daichi?" He asked softly, "Why would you hit him…?"

"I just got angry, I didn't mean to-"

"You keep getting angry over Suga and it's only hurting him and everyone else even more!" He cried, "Why- why the hell would you smack him when he wants exactly what you want for a different person!" Tadashi had run out of breath, his voice cracking. "Suga isn't okay and neither is Inuoka! And neither is Yuuki or Kageyama! I don't get it, Daichi, please make me understand why you...keep... screaming at us…" Tadashi starts sobbing, hiding his face in Yuuki's hair.

No one, not even Daichi has anything to say. So they just…do their own things.

"Uh, Daichi?" Ennoshita speaks up after a little while. The brunette tilts his head at him.

"Uh I was thinking I could check if I could keep the job when we go to Tokyo. That way we'll be more stable, you know?"

The suggestion was taken with a smile.

\-----

Their hope was granted and not completely lost. Maybe it was because Tadashi had finally screamed in Daichi's face enough, or maybe the captain just realized that he was hurting his teammates. Tadashi was always telling Shibayama how great of a captain Daichi is and how hard he's trying to stay strong for everyone and do the best he can. And Yuuki genuinely believes him, but the sting of his hand colliding with his face was genuine too.

As they hoped, they were able to to leave Monday. Yuuki was practically ecstatic and it showed in how he seemed to bounce around the place while helping pack the truck. Suddenly, Yamamoto turned to Akaashi, the man Shibayama hated.

"Hey, Akaashi, did you find Bokuto?"

The pale guy scoffed. That was the only answer they needed. A definite no.

"Do you know if-"

"Save your questions for Tokyo" Akaashi harshly interrupted Shirabu's incoming question, making the blonde glare at him, but clearly isn't in the mood for picking a fight.

As they climbed into the truck, Iwaizumi explained "The truck with Oikawa and Sugawara will be just a bit behind you, got it? So don't worry about it."

Hinata sticks his head out the window like a dog "W-Wait! We just found you guys again!" He whimpered, reaching his hand out the window. Terushima gently grabs his hand and grins. "Three weeks, Hinata," he says in a calm and gentle tone that no one thought he was capable of. Hinata whimpers softly "but…"

" _Three weeks_. Promise." He runs his thumb over Shouyo's cheek when he realizes that he had begun to cry. Hinata was clingy, based on Shibayama's observations from back in school, that wasn't anything new, but that clinginess took on a different level now, especially in a new world where any of them could get killed or die on any given day for any given reason.

Terushima grins brightly and ruffles the orange curls before taking a couple steps back from the vehicle and giving a small salute. The pain in his eyes is scary. Kageyama tugs on Hinata's shirt and pulls him back into the truck in order to make him stop crying. The worst part was that his fear was valid. So much so it made Yuuki feel sick to his stomach.

\-----

*

*

\-----

"What's with you and the little shrimp?"

Akaashi's question startles him and he chuckled lightly, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. "Well we got on better terms before the area restrictions were imposed. The internet still worked properly everywhere then, remember? We got closer then, which is why I decided to try visiting him with you guys but boom, bombs dropped and I ended up here, a soldier, watching you and Iwaizumi torture Nekoma's first-year." He ensures that he sounds very salty.

Akaashi scoffs "I didn't have a choice."

"You didn't have to hurt him like that-"

"I took the job!"

"Then you should've flipped it to Iwaizumi!"

"Fuck you, I didn't want to do it either, don't bring me into this!"

"You're such a cold asshole, Akaashi!"

Terushima storms off, trying to head for their sleeping quarters.

"Watch your mouth you prick!" Keiji is right on his tail, grabbing him by his sleeve and shoving him against the way. Yuuji's heart is beating in his throat.

"You almost got us all killed by letting Shibayama go! You understand that, right? If you got _caught_ letting him leave the camp, we would be dead, don't you get that?" Iwaizumi interrupted.

Terushima fails to swallow the knot in his throat, his legs feeling like they were going to give out from under him as Akaashi's hand pinned him to the wall by his chest.

"Akaashi...step back…please…"

He doesn't get a response. Just two pairs of glaring eyes. Then finally-

"You risked all of our lives for his. You deserve this….you deserve all of it! You deserve it for not staying by Bokuto and Yaku's side when they ran! They're missing now! _Missing_! They haven't appeared anywhere, _ANYWHERE_! They could be dead because of you!"

It wasn't until now the blonde realized the setter was wrestling his wrists against the wall.

He shut his eyes tightly. This was karma, wasn't it? For watching what happened to Shibayama and not being able to stop it until the damage was done. He was trembling. The captain of the party team, the team of unpredictability was pinned against a wall. His eyes opened to look at Iwaizumi. He tried to move his hand towards him, but was still harshly held down.

Not only did hot tears spill down his face, but a warm wetness spread from his crotch and down his legs. His face had already turned pink and now was bright red with humiliation.

"Akaashi, Iwaizumi! What the fuck do you think you're doing?!"

At first, Terushima doesn't even see who pulls Akaashi off him as he allows himself to collapse into his puddle of shame and humiliation. Another minute of screaming sends the other two boys away. A man crouches down in front of him, tilting his chin up to inspect his face. "Are you hurt?"

He shakes his head. "A-Aki...Akite…"

The tall blonde hugs him. "Calm down for me, okay? I'll deal further with the other two later, but for now we're going to clean you up, alright? What's your transfer time?" He asked, carefully pulling the other to his feet.

"Uh, three...three weeks."

"Three weeks? Huh, Okay, not what I was hoping for. Look, I'm sorry, I was stuck trying to get the situation with the girls fixed. I'm gonna get you out of Utsunomiya and I'll be with you. I have to see my little brother again."

"Tsukishima…"

"Hm?"

"They're losing their minds, he tried to…and Iwaizumi just-"

"I know, I know. Keiji is still struggling to adjust to living without Bokuto, and Iwaizumi is still adjusting to not having Oikawa by his side. Life gets a lot harder when you're missing the light of your life. It got worse with the Shibayama and Inuoka situation. I'm proud of you for staying the strongest. Just hang in there a bit longer, Teru."

"So, Tsukishima, I guess you're like my big brother now or something?"

Akiteru chuckles softly "A little brother that actually expresses positive emotions would be a lovely change of pace."

\-----

Tokyo was on Tadashi's mind. Well, they were in Tokyo, but not the Tokyo he remembered. They were divided into rooms by age which made him realize how many second-years were present in their group. There was something odd about staying by Shibayama's side the whole time, and staying back with him in their little apartment of first years when everyone else went to explore. The tension between them hung heavy. They sat on their respective beds in silence.

"Um...Tadashi?"

"Yeah?"

"About what I said to you back at Utsunomiya…"

Yuuki doesn't even have to elaborate, he already knows what he's talking about. The kiss. The confession.

_"I hate how you make me want to have sex with you because you're so sweet and gentle and I…"_

_"I-I would if you asked...just stop, please."_

_"I know why you left this morning...I hope you found what you were looking for. Let me know what you want to do and I'll stay beside you, Yuuki."_

_"I want to find Inu-chan…"_

_"Then that's where we'll go."_

_"But why? You already know what he is to me."_

_"And I also know what you are to me."_

_Yuuki tastes copper in the kiss._

But he doesn't taste copper from the blood in his mouth this time. He didn't get hit this time. He feels arms wrap around his neck, the smaller boy adjusting to sit sideways on his lap. If this were a comic you would be able to see the love hearts just popping up over their heads, a tangle of tongues, Tadashi's fingers in the back of Shibayama's hair while Yuuki held onto his shirt, his head tilting back as Tadashi kissed his neck.

It all felt kind of like a blur, shirts and pants discarded in a messy pile on the floor beside the bed. Yuuki was below him, looking anxious. "T-Tadashi I don't know…"

"It's fine, you'll be fine, I promise. You're not going to get hurt. You know I'm not gonna hurt you." He leans down, kissing his cheeks near the corner of his eye where a tear ran down his cheek. The boy trembled until his touch as his hands traveled downwards.

"T-Tadashi please-"

"Relax."

"But I-"

"Yuuki." He said his name in a somewhat stern voice that shocked the libero into silence. "It won't hurt, I promise...just sit still, okay?" Once again he moves his hand down to the required spot, but Yuuki grabbed his wrist. "Tadashi, please don't, I can't-"

The gentle words go ignored, and Tadashi watches with amusement as his expression shifts, contorting at first before relaxing but with his nose still a bit scrunched up at the foreign feeling.

"Feeling okay?" He asks to tease gently.

Yuuki nods quickly, covering his face with his hand "yeah... really good, actually…."

⚠️If you don't want to read their sweet 18+ scene, skip from here⚠️

"Nonononono!"

"Oh come on," Tadashi giggles, pulling Shibayama's hand away from his face and kissing his neck instead. "You knew that wasn't it, so what's up?"

"It's gonna hurt-"

"It's not gonna hurt, you baby, it feels way better than my hand."

"Oh fine.." Shibayama agrees softly. Yamaguchi was so gentle with him, he was able to get this far. He was kind of proud of himself, letting the other boy take control and help him stay calm. If he starts to get worked up, he kisses his cheek or his neck, and he's sensitive which makes him shiver and makes Tadashi laugh.

He wraps his legs loosely around his waist, and looks to the side, watching Tadashi slip his bigger hand into his small one, intertwining their fingers and holding his hand in a comforting grip.

"I'm taking care of you, okay?"

"...Okay- Ngh~!"

"Fuck-"

Both boys pause before giggling.

"I didn't know you could sound like that, Yuuki."

"Didn't know you could curse like that, Tadashi" Shibayama shoots back.

Yamaguchi chuckles "See? It doesn't hurt, right?"

Yuuki shakes his head "No, it feels...it feels...weird? But a good weird," he wraps his free arm around the other guy's neck and pulls him down closer. "you can keep going, I'm doing great."

Yamaguchi nods at this, focusing and watching for any signs of discomfort, anxiety or pain, but none showed. It excited him when Yuuki started to let him hear his voice. His voice was so sweet even when he got a little loud and he would become flustered when Tadashi told him to playfully quiet down. Getting caught was the last thing they needed, though.

"T-Tadashi, I'm-"

"But that's the second time already, Yuuki!"

Yuuki gasps and turns bright red "you know what you're doing! It's not my fault!"

Yamaguchi laughed, promptly getting hit on the arm as he continued to move. Obscene noises filled the bedroom as the heat seemed to increase, causing them to sweat. Both were panting by now. Yuuki tensed up and Tadashi shoved his face into the side of his neck, exhaling shakily.

"T-Tadashi-"

"Yuuki- fuck-"

There's a pause.

"Ughhh I can feel it-"

⚠️Welcome back⚠️

"Shut up…" Yamaguchi mutters.

The taller guy pulls back slowly, causing Yuuki to wince. Tadashi just flashed a smile. "I'm gonna shower so-" he slides to the edge of the bed, just touching his feet to the cold hardwood floor to stand up when the door aggressively flies open and-

"Shibayama, We found Inu-"

Shouyo freezes. "...ou...ka…"

There's a long pause. Yamaguchi felt his soul leaving his body. "Hinata, don't tell Daichi, please? Please please pleasseee, he's going to murder me dead, I-"

He flinches when the door slams shut.

Something told him…

"He's gonna tell Daichi…."

They both simultaneously expressed the only possible feeling in this situation.

_**"...Fuck."** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My inner horny bastard is coming out in the notes below-
> 
> Ugh, I almost feel bad for having so much fun with that and I have an annoying desire to have more of it. They are teens after all who have been stuck with no one but each other from months to weeks Would you guys mind seeing more scenes like that in future chapters? Although I can't promise they'll all be as romantic and cute -come on, someone's gotta like it rough- I can promise that they probably won't be like what. Shibayama went through. Probably. Um-
> 
> The following notes are for those who read the Shiba x Tadashi scene:  
> Feel like some might find it odd that Yamaguchi didn't stop when Shibayama told him to or Shibayama didn't react more badly. Yamaguchi knows that Shibayama is very scared of the situation, however he's also the only person Shibayama would trust enough to do this aside from Inuoka who hadn't yet come into the picture at this point. Yamaguchi knows that Yuuki is scared, and the reason why he appears to ignore him is because his goal wasn't to have sex with him, his goal was to make him relax and calm down when being intimate with him. If Shibayama had pushed him away, showing genuine signs that he was going to cry, dissociate or scream, he definitely would've left him be. It's true that Shibayama was also trembling and tense and even grabbed his wrists, keep in mind that he had admitted during their fight in Utsunomiya that he wanted to have sex with him despite what his trauma was. He wasn't scared of Tadashi or doing it, he was scared of getting hurt again. This wasn't alluded to at any earlier point because I wasn't sure if I was actually going to do this or not.
> 
> In any case, sad ending as usual, Shibayama screwed with another boy right before being found by Hinata. Woop.
> 
> Leave comments and shares like usual. Ty.
> 
> Alsooo I'll be working on a Wings au fic as well so be on the lookout for that I you'd be interested. It's both domestic and action, drama, angst shit.


	6. Execution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm scared."  
> "Of course you are."  
> "What about you?"  
> "What about me what?"  
> "Are you scared?"  
> The tall male paused before turning to look out the window. He exhaled heavily "A little. Not enough that it will matter."  
> "Well...we're all counting on you," Yamaguchi said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never written a chapter this long as far as I can remember. Either way I enjoyed it.
> 
> The only warning I'll be giving Is for violence.
> 
> And the tags changed again, as they usually do.
> 
> Comments are highly appreciated. They make me motivated and happy.
> 
> ~Author-san

"Hey...hey, Ennoshita," a soft voice called softly. The brunette opened his eyes slowly, rolling slightly into his side and blinking up at the person who dared to wake him. In the darkness he could see silver hair that seemed to glow in the moonlight that filtered in from the windows.

"Suga…?"

"Sh! Just come with me real quick," the third year urged, his voice not rising above a whisper. After staring at him for a moment, he quickly got up, careful not to wake Nishinoya who looked so much more pitiful when he was asleep. He was energetic and loud during the day, but his age and hidden emotions came out at night as he would fall asleep.

Sugawara reached over and gently used his thumb to brush way a single tear from the libero's face. He sighs and then turns, walking out the door with his Kouhai behind him.

"Uh…"

"What is it?"

"Do you plan on explaining what happened, where you came from, or how you got here?"

"Oh," Koushi responded bluntly. He still doesn't give a response to the initial question, which only irritated Ennoshita more, but he drops it for now.

The hall of the apartment is dark. The only light visible is the dim light places.d above the elevator and the stairs. They took the stairs. When they reach the door to the stairwell, Chikara briefly catches a better look at what Suga was wearing. It looked like a typical japanese hospital gown and white socks that reached midway his calves. He was covered in bruises, especially his arms and wrists.

He flinched when the door shut behind him, although it wasn't very loud. Suga looks at him with narrowed eyes, so different from what he was used to.

"I need to be sure I can trust you with this. I need to know that you will keep quiet about this for now. Okay?" His voice is soft but rushed, tainted with fear.

"I promise, just get it over with, you're scaring me!"

"Okay okay, I...I don't know how to put this so I'll just say it- there's something wrong here. They just got me and Oikawa in last night. They kept us together but I noticed something. Didn't you notice it too? When we got to Utsunomiya?"

Ennoshita paused.

Koushi sighed "They're almost all foreigners. Maybe I'm just a bit too nosy but I can hear their accents, it's not Japanese it's not-" he exhales "We shouldn't be here.  _ You  _ shouldn't be here. They'll hurt you.",

"What? How do you know this stuff? And you still didn't answer my question!"

"Don't raise your voice. I'm smart, remember?" Suga flashes him a little smile. "I know some English. They were talking but I couldn't understand everything. This isn't the type of society we thought it was." He steps back and pulls a folded piece of paper out of his pocket and hands it to him.

"Let's keep going. I need to get back before they notice I'm gone. They might come after you guys if we're caught. Come on," still avoiding the initial questions, Koushi takes him by the wrist and pulls him down the stairs. They hurry, running yet light on their feet. Ennoshita stumbles down the last step and out the door, quickly being caught by his senpai.

"There's something you really need to see, but I need you to stay quiet, got it?" Sugawara holds his finger to his lips, making him nod.

Koushi pulled him around the corner, the cool air hitting his face. They pause, the other male peeking his head around the corner. Ennoshita follows suit. Before them is a plaza. An open space with a fountain. The fountain wasn't the only thing there. Two soldiers and three people on their knees, as well as someone else in a strange outfit. 

"What is this?"

"Shh, just watch."

As told, Ennoshita presses his lips into a firm line to keep himself quiet.

From where they are, it's impossible to hear what they're saying, but he can see their lips moving. The people on their knees appeared to be two adults and a child, or maybe a teenager. It was hard to tell, Hinata looked even more like a child when he wasn't eating. He didn't need to hear the words to know what was happening here, especially when Koushi tapped him on the shoulder and pointed up.

Although it was dark, he could faintly make out what seemed to be a rope. They were going to hang these people.

"Is this some kind of execution?" Chikara asks, stepping back away from the corner and putting his back flat against the wall. Sugawara turns to him and nods. "That paper I have you has a list. They're laws essentially, but they don't tell you that off the bat. I learned that the hard way."

As if on cue, two loud screams ring out in the distance. Ennoshita's mouth opens in preparation for a scream as well, but the fear on Suga's face makes him freeze.

"I'll be fine. I won't let them do anything to me. I just need you to take care of everyone."

"Why me? Why not Daichi?"

"Daichi hasn't been okay, I know that. I love him but I need to trust  _ you  _ right now. Can I?"

"O-Of course you can!"

_ Relax, Ennoshita. It's just like when you covered for Daichi in the game against Wakutani. _

He winces, hearing the screams of a child that come to an abrupt silence.

_ This is so much different than that! _

"Hey," Suga places his hand on his shoulder. "Go back to the room, okay?"

"Just tell me- what happened to you? Why were you in the hospital?"

"I'll tell you everything when this is over. Promise."

"Just tell me one thing."

"Okay, what then?"

"Are you okay?"

"I will be."

\-----

"It's not a big deal, Daichi."

"Don't you have better things to be doing than having sex?"

"Don't  _ you  _ have better things to be doing than giving the rest of us shit?" Tsukishima interrupted. The brunette glared at him. It was less of an 'i'm mad at you' glare and more like a 'you're not being helpful' glare. Not that Tsukki was ever keen on being helpful in social situations.

"Actually, Tsukishima is right, we don't need to be doing this right now. This isn't why we called everyone here, is it?" Ennoshita interjected.

"Yeah, you and Tsukishima and call Shibayama a slut all you want later," Yamamoto muttered. Everyone seemed to pretend they didn't hear him. Especially Tsukishima. As if feeling compelled to defend himself, Tsukki muttered "I don't give a shit what Tadashi does, especially when we're in a stressful situation. We're all super tense and whatever. It's only natural to get rid of it." The blonde shrugs.

"Would you mind getting to the point now?" Tadashi murmured, unwilling to take this conversation any further.

Daichi just sighs and nods, gesturing for Ennoshita to step up in his place.

"I discovered a list. They're like rules or laws in a way. It turns out that if they're broken, a possibly fatal punishment could be inflicted. I don't want anyone getting hurt, so it's best we share them to everyone at the same time," Ennoshita explains. Several people seem to shuffle with discomfort.

"Why didn't they tell us about these if they were so important, huh?" Shirabu asks. Chikara tenses up.

"Maybe they...want us to break the rules because...they want to punish us," Goshiki mumbles in suggestion. Ennoshita just nods at him ,seeming to agree before continuing.

"There's quite a bit so I'll summarize it and I'll think you'll find it...I-interesting…" he swallows nervously.

"No back-talking authority, no smoking in the apartments, no removing your tags, no altering your physical appearance beyond recognition, no lying to authorities, no crimes are permitted during the day, no fighting in public, no unpermitted sexual acts-"

"Unpermitted?" Yamaguchi questions, seeing as he knew this would be redirected towards him in a moment anyway. "What does that even mean?"

"Don't fuck if they don't say you can? I dunno, maybe they're trying to control the population of the city," Tsukishima says.

"That's not the point, Tsukki, it's that we're not- well neither of us can get...you know what I mean!" Tadashi shoots back, his eyebrows furrowing.

"He's right, Yamaguchi. Technically I guess you're an exception, however…" Ennoshita sighs. "Being homosexual or transgender in public is forbidden."

"The fuck does that mean?" Kageyama interrupted.

"Probably no PDA and present like your sex, if I had to guess," Daichi says.

Nishinoya crosses his arms over his chest, his hands tightly gripping onto his sleeves. He mumbles something inaudible.

"Oh, what's got you all pissy now?" Tsukishima asks, a slight smirk appearing on his face. You could see the menace in his eyes. "Did that rule finally make you realize how big your chest is before you get dressed, or did you just finally notice the stain in your shorts?"

"Tsukki!" Tadashi's voice becomes something comparable to a squeak. He looks over the faces of everyone else's finding that they're all focused on Noya. He bites his bottom lip and stays quiet.

The brunette appears speechless. After a moment he just shakes his head and almost laughs "You...you didn't have to do that. You're such a prick!" Nishinoya hissed.

"Nishiya…" Hinata murmured, subtly gesturing towards the bathroom of the first-year's bathroom. The second-year just storms off in that direction, now tugging self-consciously at the bottom of his shirt. Once he was gone, Tanaka scoffed.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? Seriously, what the hell was that for? Just because you noticed doesn't mean everyone else did, and even if they did, they chose not to say anything for basic decency."

"That didn't look like basic decency."

"Would you two like to shut your mouths and let me finish?" Ennoshita interrupted. He'd have to deal with Nishinoya in a moment, but for now, the others were his priority. None of them spoke up so he continued " _ Anyway ,  _ you guys can look over these yourselves and I'd be happy if you could follow them. Please?" He calmly slaps the paper into Daichi's chest.

"Where did you get all this anyway?" Asahi asks, soft as usual.

"I…" Chikara pauses. He wasn't prepared for this question. It's not like he could just tell them that Suga gave it to him. They wouldn't believe that, and even if they did, there'd be more questions than he could possibly answer. He shakes his head "Nevermind that right now, I need to check on Noya with no help from you guys or course," the brunette finally said.

"Maybe we could avoid that... problem if-"

"We don't have any girls in our group, they'd be onto us," Kageyama says.

"You guys make things so much harder for yourselves. Why don't we just steal?"

Everyone's eyes quickly land on the speaker which surprisingly was Hinata. He stiffened up when he realized he was the center of attention.

"I-I mean- we have to do what's best for our friends, right? If that's what helps, tphen we should do it!" He tries to explain. Everyone exchanges glances. Daichi sighs. "...If you get caught, there's most likely not much I can do, you know that, right?"

Hinata nods. Tanaka nods too, implicitly joining in on the idea. Ennoshita smiles faintly before heading to the bathroom to check on Nishinoya. He knocks on the door and gets no response, but enters anyway.

"How're you holding up?"

"I feel sick."

"What kind of sick?"

"Like my stomach is being pressed on from the inside."

"Cramping?"

"Yeah…"

"You're so dramatic, Noya," Ennoshita teases lightly as he sits on the floor beside him.

"I'm not that dramatic, you're just really dry," Yu shoots back, managing a little smile. He leans against Chikara's shoulder.

"You should've told me. I know for a fact that this-" he slips two fingers under his shirt collar, lightly tugging at the stretchy material underneath the shirt. "Hasn't been washed in a while."

"It's not that bad," Noya responds.

"Shirt."

"Fine," Yu pulls his shirt off, tossing it off to the side. Ennoshita slips his hands up underneath the tight fabric, the smaller boy flinching.

"Did that hurt?"

"Yeah, just a bit…"

"Um…" trying not to make the other second-year any more uncomfortable than he probably was, he ducks his head

slightly to inspect what could be causing pain. "Your chest is all bruised...c-can you feel that?" He gently presses his finger down against his side.

"Yeah, I can, but I'll be fine."

"I'm gonna say something and you're gonna hate it, but you've gotta take this thing off. You're wearing it at night, aren't you?"

"No, didn't you hear what Tsukishima decided to tease me about?"

"You don't take it off 'till it hurts. You need a new one."

"And where the hell am I gonna get a new one? Come on, Use your head. If the rules or whatever or like you said, then-"

"Stand up."

"What?"

"Stand up, you need to change. Everything. I want to do a little checkup on you. I don't trust the hospital with you," he explains, pulling Noya to his feet. "I'll have Tanaka get your clothes, but I need you to get undressed, I'll have to cut that binder. You'll probably Injure yourself more if I don't."

"What am I supposed to do without it?"

"Relax, for one" Ennoshita answers. He pokes his head out the door. "Hey, Tanaka! Can you get some spare clothes? Thanks," he doesn't wait for an answer before fucking back in. There wasn't much space to move around, so he shuffled past the brunette to start a bath. The small teen sighed.

"I'm sorry…"

"Don't apologize, it's weird coming from you...Yu?" He looks back at him with a worried frown. "Come on, you'll be okay," he reassures him. He moves past him again and rummages through the cabinets and drawers. "Do you remember your measurements from when you got that?"

"Um 32B?"

"Okay, that's way too small for you now,"

"Would you mind not reminding me?"

"Right right, well just by looking, you've probably gotten to a C-something." Ennoshita sighs, pausing in his search to crouch beside the tub. "Stomach still hurting?"

"Yeah.."

"Did you eat yet?"

"No...did anyone?" Yu replies, raising an eyebrow. Ennoshita chuckles lightly "No, good point. Okay we'll go eat with everyone once we're done here, make sure you try to eat something. Your appetite might be a bit smaller than usual buuut you'll live," he smiles and holds up a pair a scissors.

"Ready?"

"No."

"Well too bad," Chikara grabs the bottom of the tight fabric and begins to cut up the side of it. It seem to snap when he finally cut it off. Instinctively, Nishinoya curled up with his knees to his chest. He didn't like this sight.

It wasn't just seeing Noya humiliated and upset that made it painful, but it was that he was so small. Sure he had always been small, but not  _ this  _ small. He was skinny. They'd been eating better recently, but maybe his typically huge appetite had been affected by the tight fabric. He wasn't sure, but he didn't like it. He sighs.

"I'm gonna do a little exam on you, okay? I need to make sure you don't need to go to the hospital right now. It looks like it's just bruises, but there could be damage to your ribs." He explains, moving his hands down from his neck to his back. He was so skinny. He wants to just hug him, but knows it would probably hurt him.

"Hey, I have a question, Noya..."

"What is it?"

"Do you want to go to school here? You haven't been able to play volleyball in a while. Maybe you could pick it back up? It could also take your mind off of things," Ennoshita suggests. The brunette shrugs a bit.

"Things? You mean the way the whole country went to hell? How we're in war and no one is coming to save us?"

"Noya…"

"I'll go. If it means I can play volleyball again. And what will you do?"

"I got a job back at Utsunomiya, remember? At the hospital. Now that we're here, I want to find out more about why it's so secretive. It'll be helpful for you as well. I'll see who else wants to go, and we'll get you guys applied for the school" Ennoshita can't even suppress the smile that creeps onto his face.

"Okay, well you should be all good right now. I'll try to do more once I start work. Stay strong for me, okay? You're our guardian deity after all."

\-----

"I miss my bike!"

"Shut up, moron, you complain too much," Kageyama scoffed.

"There's just a lot to complain about…" Goshiki added.

"But he's always so obnoxious with it. Would it kill him to keep it in his head?" Tsukishima shit back.

"Tsukki, seriously, you're always complaining about everyone else…" Tadashi added. Shibayama stayed quiet, keeping his face half-hidden in Tadashi's sleeve. Tanaka just yawned. Ennoshita was slightly starting to regret choosing to be the closest thing to an adult in this situation.

"Why does Shirabu get to stay out of this?" Goshiki questions.

"Because he said no?" Yamamoto cut in. Ennoshita just shook his head.

"Daichi wanted him for something, that's all," Ennoshita sighed. "Just don't...break anything in the store, please? It already feels like I'm babysitting just being around you guys…" he said. Almost everyone nodded.

The store was...actually pretty big. Filled with a bunch of stuff. While most of the others headed off to look at their own things, Ennoshita headed over to look for the uniforms he was told they needed. Noya and Shibayama hovered around him.

Nishinoya left when he was called over by Tanaka, but Shibayama shook his head when Yamaguchi called to him.

"Something wrong?" He asks.

The libero shakes his head "No, not really, I just...I feel weird about something. I mean- I get to play volleyball again, with Tora and Inuoka...but I'll be without Kenma and Kuroo...and Lev and Yaku and Fukunaga. It feels...wrong to do something we bonded over and…" Yuuki sighs softly as he flips through the jackets on a rack. "I feel like I'm giving up on Th...em…"

"Shibayama?" Ennoshita lifted his gaze, hearing the younger male's voice trail off in shock. "What's wrong? Hey hey-" he rushes a few steps to grab him by his arm so he didn't collapse. "What is it?"

For a moment the raven-haired bit is silent before separating the clothes on the rack to find what he had been looking at.

Chikara exhales "Holy…"

"That's my jacket."

"...Y-Yamamoto! Come here for a second, please!" Ennoshita calls, wincing at the shakiness of his voice.

The ace appears with a confused expression. Then he stops and looks between the two of them. He says exactly what he was thinking. "Is this some sick joke?"

"They took my jacket in Utsunomiya…" Shiba explains, pulling it off the rack this time. "How did it get here…?"

"They probably took everyone's personal items away from them. Your jacket was considered personal because it connects you to your past. Your sanity," Kageyama guesses, appearing behind them. Out of curiosity, Hinata walks up and starts looking through the clothes as well.

"If they're trying to disconnect people from the past, why would they bring all the stuff here?" Goshiki asks. Tsukishima frowns, giving behind Tadashi. It seems like a lightbulb clicks.

"Because they're not supposed to come back here. Inuoka had his jacket when Hinata met him. They didn't take it because he was going to come back. Shibayama wasn't supposed to." The blonde looks over everyone's faces.

"That's... impossible…" 

"No, it's perfectly-"

"I'm not talking about that, saltyshima," Kageyama hissed. He holds up another red and white track jacket "I mean this."

"Um, excuse me!" Ennoshita shoves the uniform he'd picked up into Tadashi's hands and walked over to the check-out counter. The guy looked up at him with a frown. "What?"

Shit. He paused, causing the man to become impatient. He could speak English just about as well as anyone who was in a college prep class, and enjoyed enough American TV.

"Umm...how many camps are there in total? We came from Hotaru…" he paused and then said "From Firefly City." He glanced at his friends, Tsukishima looking thoroughly amused by his fumbling. He really shouldn't have looked at him. Then again, He and Tadashi knew english as well. Of course so did the others but...not well enough to talk to anyone who didn't know Japanese as well.

"Well, excluding Tokyo, there's Firefly City in Utsunomiya, Water City in Odawara, Rain city in Nagoya, and Snow City in Osaka. Aside from that, there was a small camp in Sendai, but all communication got cut all of a sudden. Some soldiers are heading out that way soon to figure out what went down. There's also a settlement that we just call the lost city. It's off back in Niigata."

"Uhh Okay um...Where does all of this stuff come from?"

"Huh, well some of it came from raided stores, some came in from the camps. What, you wanna find out where something came from?" The guy raises an eyebrow. Ennoshita nods quickly. The cashier ducks behind the counter and grabs a notebook. "Okay, what?"

"The red jackets. The ones with  _ Nekoma  _ written in white on the back," he says. The guy flips through the notebook for a minute before stopping on a page. He sighs.

"One of them came from Utsunomiya. The other one came from the Sendai settlement."

"...from Sendai..?" Ennoshita glances back at the group.

"It might be Kenma or Yaku!" Yamamoto says, probably based off the size.

"You're right. If it is, then they might still be here somewhere!" He turns back to the guy at the counter, however is surprised by a harsh hit right on the top of his head. He just got hit with a book!

"English if you wouldn't mind. Your talking gives me a headache," He scoffs. Ennoshita just stands there for a second in shock. Then says "... we'll just...get what we got and go…"

\-----

"Man, that guy was rude!" Hinata huffed as they exited the store. Tanaka agreed. "Yeah, I was so ready to beat his ass up! There's no reason he should be hitting Ennoshita like that! I shoulda hit him too!"

"It's fine," Chikara laughed softly. "I'm not hurt, it just took me by surprise," he reassured them, running his hand through his hair.

"But- holy shit." Nishinoya stopped. So everyone stopped and looked. A crowd was gathered in the plaza. The plaza from...the other night. Out of concern and curiosity, Ennoshita starts walking towards it. He doesn't even notice that most of them were separated. It was a stage. Sort of. A young woman was dressed like some sort of wealthy noble from long before he was even born. She bows to the crowd.

"Welcome everyone. Today we have a very unfortunate soul. A young student who has chosen disobedience. This young female has decided to use her precious body for unholy purposes. Today will be her punishment!"

Tsukishima audibly cringed.

The girl in question was completely naked, her hands tied behind her back. A noose hung loosely around her neck and a gag over her mouth. Her eyes were wild and full of terror. There was a pause of tense silence before all of a sudden something makes a snapping sound and suddenly she's hanging 7 feet above the floor.

Shibayama jumps, turning quickly to hide in his chest.

"This is sick…"

"This is more than just sick…"

"It's not sick, it's necessary," the woman in the fancy outfit crouches down at the edge of the stage and reaches into the crowd. He didn't even realize who she grabbed until Nishinoya was pulled away and onto the stage with her.

"Nishinoya Yu...what a cute name. You're a bit small for a 17-year-old boy," the woman says with the strangest smile on her face.

"I...guess so?" the brunette looks nervous on another level.

"Hmm Okay then. What's in your jacket?"

"What?"

"Your jacket. Based on the skin you're showing, you're not chubby, so what's all this?" The lady makes a circular pointing motion at his chest. Yu goes stiff.

"I'm just... wearing more shirts underneath."

"Okay then what if I-"

"This is annoying, piss off, lady," Tsukishima interrupted before the woman could even reach any further towards Noya. The blonde swiftly sweeps the second-year off his feet and left. The courage was appreciated, but was that really smart to do?

"There was no better option. Letting her touch him would end just as badly, wouldn't it?" Tadashi answers his thoughts. It didn't put his mind at ease, but that was enough shit for now.

"Why did you do that?" Nishinoya asked as they met back up to return to their apartments.

"They'd kill you. That's the last thing we need," Tsukishima answers calmly, putting his senpai down and letting him walk on his own.

"Okay well...we all start our stuff tomorrow, so I want everyone to do their best, got it? Stay out of trouble, but...try to learn about this place if you can."

\-----

"Buses still work?" Hinata remarks. Nishinoya hits him lightly on the arm.

"Well of course they do. This place still has more resources than like- a bunch of places. Probably the rest of the country. Anyway, let's go, or else it's going to leave without us. I won't see you guys during most of the day probably, so...be good." Nishinoya said softly. Everyone seems to smile at that.

There are several kids already on the bus. Everyone sat quickly. Noya flopped down in the back. He's quick to hug his bag to his chest.

"Hey," the girl who had already been sitting in the seat next to him greeted him softly. She had dark brown hair pulled into a low ponytail at the nape of her neck.

"Hey," he muttered back.

"You're new here, aren't you? What year are you in?"

"Yeah...Second. How long have you been here for?"

"It's only been uhm, what? Four months since everything happened? I've been here since the start. I'm Hana."

"Nishinoya."

"Really? Oh wait, I saw you yesterday. That looked scary, but it was nice of your friend to get you out of there," the girl says with a smile. Yu almost laughs. Tsukishima being described as nice? Not something he's heard before.

"Yeah I guess so. What was up with all of that, anyway?"

"Oh! Well the lady in the rich clothes is the one who established this...system. It's a long story, but basically there's these laws that she set, deciding that they had to establish a healthy, "perfect" society and control the population so that we wouldn't run out of resources. Shitsu-shi was the other big camp, but something happened up there and communication was cut on purpose," Hana explains.

"But what about those…. unnecessary rules, what's the point in-"

"They don't like people like us, okay?" The girl looks him dead in the eyes. "If you can have or provide kids, then that's what they want you to do. A lot of men and boys survived but a lot of the females who survived are young. They don't care. I like girls. And you  _ used  _ to be a girl. Keep your bag over your chest. This place isn't passive. They'll tear you to pieces."

Yu swallowed nervously. He looks out the window at the stores and houses. Some looked fine while others seemed very damaged. Like him.

"You seem friendly. What did you used to do in school before?"

"Um, I was a Libero on the volleyball team. We were...competing in nationals…" he sighs, thinking back on before. He subconsciously looks up to see his friends further up on the bus. The only ones he could actually hear were Hinata and Tanaka. He smiles a little.

"That's really cool. I was a pretty normal student. Average, art club, y'know" Hana says, glancing out the window as the bus came to a stop. "Oh... okay well I can see you to class since we're in the same grade!" She jumps up to her feet and grabs him by the wrist, dragging him off the bus. He stumbled off the bus clumsily.

As promised, Hana drags him around the school building and gives him the paper with his classes on it. Unfortunately he was alone in the class. Shirabu, Tanaka and Tora were in a different class. He quietly sat in the back. He never usually minded being the center of attention, but that was different now.

Noya hasn't been anxious like this before. He's usually the only one who isn't nervous. He was overwhelmingly positive. Not now. Now he felt like he was losing his mind. His stomach hurt and he was losing his mind.

Finally at lunch he gets to escape. He rushes to the bathroom, locking himself into a stall. His legs feel shaky. His throat burns as he vomits. He feels dizzy.

"Oi, Noya!"

Tanaka's voice rings out from the other side of the door.

"Y-Yeah?"

"Are you good? You're getting sick again, I don't think you're okay" his friend responds. Nishinoya exhales.

"Yeah yeah, but I...shit, fine. I'll go to the nurse or something, but Ennoshita doesn't like the hospital that much. I'll be fine so just-" he covers his mouth with his hand, taking a deep breath. "I'm okay...I'm okay…I'll go…"

Nothing ever went great. Or good. Or decent anymore. Someone tripped him. Someone slapped his butt. He wasn't even big in that area. Someone grabbed his chest, someone shoved him on the ground. This was so much different than Karasuno. No one bothered him there. This place was different. This place was a mix of Asians and other foreigners that either lived here or had come here to visit at some point before the disasters started.

"Shit, am I lost again…?" the brunette paused, taking a couple steps in a circle, coming nose-to-chest with a guy. He took a step back. A few steps back, actually.

He doesn't talk, just nervously laughs under his breath. He's backed into a corner. Literally. His back is against the wall. His eyes dart over to the side. He mumbles, "this is k-kinda gay isn't it?" He manages to say. Of all things, why was that the first proper thing that came to mind?

"No," was the only response he received. A hand traveled up beneath his shirt. He held his bag tighter to his chest, but his arms were shaking.

"Hah, you _are_ a bitch!"

"A whatnow?"

"A girl, you dumb whore."

"A g- dumb wh-" his eyes widened in shock. That was new. Well for the record, no one had tried grabbing him before. At least not like this. "Ugh, you're disgusting, get off of me."

"You can't tell me what to do, bitch- huh?"

"But I can."

Light reflected off the sharp blade of a pair of scissors pressed against the offender's throat. Nishinoya lifted his gaze, refusing to express his surprise to see the tall blonde, looking menacing as usual. The smirk on Tsukishima's face was horrifying.

"Back up or I'll slit your neck. I can help you move if you need it, but I don't think you want my help." He drags the scissor blade slowly against the guy's neck, a thin line of red appearing on his skin, but he pulls the weapon away. The light reflected off his glasses, making the lenses appear white.

"Move it you little bitch."

\-----

"You're insane, Tsukki…" Tadashi whimpers, a drop of sweat going down his face.

"Am not. I'm perfectly sane. I don't know about you, Yamaguchi, but I think enough of us have been through that. Those three are enough," the blonde replied, narrowing his eyes.

"We're gonna be in so much trouble now!" Hinata exclaimed.

"No, _he's_ __ gonna be in trouble. We didn't do anything," Kageyama tried to correct him. Yu sighed and shook his head.

"No, we'll both be in trouble. He cut someone with a pair of scissors and I...well I'm me, eheh-" he laughed nervously. Everyone looked concerned to say the least.

Instead of getting on the bus, it felt safer to walk. It would take longer and they'd probably regret it, but it was better than risking getting on the bus with people who were probably out for their heads.

"Ughhhh I'm hungryyyy!" Hinata complained. Almost everyone made a noise of annoyance.

"Just wait till we get home."

"I don't wannaaaa!"

"Fine, damn! We'll find a cafe or store or something!" Kageyama grumbled, grabbing Shouyo by the wrist and dragging him down the sidewalk. Everyone else lagged behind.

"You know where we were, right?"

Everyone exchanges confused glances. Inuoka sighs. "Fukurodani. Part of the school is closed off because it collapsed. If you go to the back of the school you can smell the rotting flesh."

A shiver goes down Nishinoya's spine.

"Geez, morbid, Inu-chan…" Shibayama mumbled nervously. The first-year laughed nervously "sorry sorry! I guess I got used to the morbidity of this place!"

"I wonder what Ennoshita's doing at the hospital. He said he didn't trust it, didn't he?" Tadashi tilted his head.

"Probably trying to find Sugawara and Oikawa. We haven't even been able to set foot into the hospital since we got here," Goshiki suggested.

"You're so smart, that's probably it!" Came Hinata's voice from several feet ahead. Tsutomu looked like he was sparkling. "T-Thanks, Shouyo!"

"Praise slut," Shirabu shot at him. You could practically see the arrow shooting through his heart.

"That was just mean, Shirabu…"

Nishinoya laughed. He didn't think he could do that anymore. But he managed.

Following Hinata and Kageyama, they end up in a small cafe. It looked like it hadn't been used until recently. There was no one inside 

"Uh, hello?" Hinata called nervously.

"Hey- ow!"

Everyone jumped to hear a voice as well as something hitting a hard surface.

"Hey, Kitten, can you deal with them for me?"

"Yeah yeah, don't call me that…" another more quiet voice comes from behind the counter. A boy stands up from behind said counter. He was around his age and a little taller than Shouyo. His hair was dark and pulled back into a ponytail. "Hey, guess you came for food? Here," he hands Hinata a menu.

Something was off about him. Nishinoya tilted his head, shuffling his stance to see. The boy at the counter had bandages over his eyes, but it was hard to see since his head was down for the most part.

"What happened to you?" He asked without thinking. It seems to startle the other team, but he just shrugs.

"Glass" he answers. Yikes. That had to have hurt.

"Where are you from?"

"Here and Tokyo. Why do you care?"

"Just...curious…"

Everyone falls silent.

"Don't be too curious around here. Someone will kill you if you get too nosy," the boy muttered. He lifts his head. He probably would be looking at them if it weren't for the bandages.

"Um hey, what're you-"

"Kitten!"

"What now?!"

"Are you scaring the customers!"

"No!" The male turned his head towards the door behind him and everyone froze up. That dark brown hair had blonde tips. Before anyone else could say anything, Shouyo blurted out "Kenma!"

The boy at the counter jumped, pulling off the bandages, revealing his cat-like yellow eyes. He blinked a few times. "Shouyo…" judging by his reaction, it seemed like he wasn't completely blind, but his eyes were namely damaged, scars littering the upper half of his face.

"Kuro!"

"Yeah?"

"Look!"

In under thirty seconds, the tall team captain appeared from the door behind Kenma. Like Kenma, he paused and looked at them before vaulting over the counter and grabbing his teammates into a tight hug. Kozume hurries out from behind the counter and willingly joins in. No one's ever seen Kenma cry before, so this was new.

"Do you guys know where Yaku is?" Kuroo asked. Everyone shook their heads.

"What about Lev?" Kenma questioned. There was no response at all at first but then Shirabu spoke up.

"Yamamoto and I were with him before, but then we got separated. He got taken by the military of this group, probably."

Kenma pulled himself away from the hug. "You guys have seen the executions and stuff, right?"

"I have, not sure about you," Tsukishima remarked. As quick as the remark came, so did karma as Kenma picked up a plastic cup from the counter and threw it pinpoint right at Tsukishima's forehead.

" _ Anyway ,  _ we have to head out soon. This place...this place isn't safe. I mean, I guess you already noticed, but it's worse than what you see. I think...I might have an idea, though." Kuroo explains, wrapping his arms around Kenma and holding him tightly. Kenma seems relaxed, his eyes unfocused but seeming to be looking at Hinata.

"Um, sorry to burst your bubble, but I think we have less time than you planned for," Noya muttered. Kuroo's expression twisted with concern.

"Well Tsukishima cut someone's neck with a pair of scissors and I'm...uh well that's not important, the point is we might be in trouble…"

"Trouble, huh?...Well fuck."

\-----

"SUGA!"

"Ahh you're gonna break my neck, you're heavy, Noya.." the third year laughed softly, hugging the small teen. They were both trapped in a hug pile. Koushi met Ennoshita's eyes. He could see the worry behind the smile. They would focus on that later.

"Geez, it hasn't even been that long, the hell have you guys gotten into? You look like hell," he said with a slight grin.

"Hasn't been that long? It's been like forever!" Hinata responded "we've done tons of stuff! We've gone to school for a couple weeks, we found Kenma and Kuroo, too! What took so long, where have you been? It's so different when you're not here, it's like Daichi goes totally crazy!"

"Do we have to bring that up now…?" Asahi said nervously while Daichi said nothing.

"Is that so? What kind of crazy?" He looks at Daichi as he asks this question. His expression was far from intense, but he looked calm with furrowed brows. Not intense or scary just...serious.

"...he slapped me in the face…" Shibayama mumbled quietly. Suga was then the one who said nothing. He just sighed and shook his head. Later. He'd deal with it later. There was a lot to deal with, but he'd deal with it later.

"Oh, Kuroo also said he has a bit of a plan to leave! But are we really trapped?"

"Yeah, actually," Suga said. Everyone seemed surprised that he had an answer. "Every road out of the camp's area is gated or fenced off or guarded. Trust me on that," he taps his leg as If implying the result of attempting an escape.

"You tried to escape?" Daichi questioned, picking up on it.

"Not exactly, it's a little more complicated than that. I need everyone to go to their rooms and get their stuff together. Hinata, Go with Kenma. Kuroo, I want you to stay. Am I clear?"

As if he truly were their mom, the younger group disperses, leaving the third years in the room alone.

"So, is it time for that long story yet?" Daichi asked, crossing his arms over his chest. Koushi could almost taste the salt coming off his words. He sighs.

"Okay fine. I was in the hospital and something happened."

"No kidding, but  _ what  _ happened?"

"I did something unthinkable to get out of there. Even when I got out I had to go back otherwise I would've been killed. Really, can we talk about this later?" Suga said. Daichi wasn't impressed but let him talk.

"Kuroo, I need you to put your science major to use and blow something up," Koushi said in a shockingly calm voice.

"I can't. Only the school has the right chemicals to create an explosion. I'd have to get Tsukki to do it," Kuroo replied with the slight tilt of his head.

"Then write down the ingredients and give them to him. We'll do it tomorrow. We're getting out of here."

"Tomorrow? But we…"

"I already knew about Nishinoya and Tsukishima. Make a bomb or let them die, it's your choice now, Daichi!" Sugawara snapped harshly like an agitated cat. "As far as I'm concerned, I'm the leader right now. What I say goes, am I understood?" He stepped up closer so that they were almost nose-to-nose.

"And if your plan goes wrong?"

"You don't have one, so I guess we'll just have to take that chance."

"What exactly is the plan?" Asahi finally asked.

"The executions happen at two different times. Around 2PM and around 10 PM. There's usually people watching because they happen every day. Every. Day." The setter's voice was even and serious. "It'll most likely be attempted during the day first. We'll have to set off an explosion and send the school into lockdown. That'll make it so they don't do the execution until nighttime. By then we'll be able to escape in the dark and go lost unseen. We'll set off an explosion that'll interrupt the execution and run like hell. I met someone that'll help us out with a vehicle. From there we'll be headed to the halfway checkpoint. We'll head into Mizu-Shi from there. It depends on how much travel we can get done, but we can keep going through to Ame no machi and Yuki no machi. I'm not sure about time, though. There will have to be recovery time since several of us are still recovering from injuries."

That was a lot of information, but all of it was necessary. Suga looked over the faces of the other third-years. He sighs. "We're... we're only kids. We'd be graduating soon if all this hadn't happened. We can't think about this much right now. We can't think about the past until we're safe in the present…" he holds out his hand. "We're not meant to have to go through all of this, but we are, and I'm sorry about all of that. We have been through a lot and we'll just keep going through more from here on out, so...trust me…" he swallows back a sob watching the others place their hands over his. "I might just be an average player, but please put your trust in me that I can get us out of this!"

"KaraNeko…"

"FIGHT!"

\-----

"So..you understand what you have to do?" Kuroo asked. Tsukishima nodded.

"Mix this shit in the chemical lab and get out before it explodes," The blonde responded flatly.

"And…" Kuroo gently took hold of Tsukishima's face, leaning forward slightly and pressing a kiss to his lips. "Come back alive. You understand that part too, right?"

"You're in love with Kenma," Tsukishima pointed out rather than confirming that he understood.

The ravenette frowned "is it bad that I want both?"

"Maybe not. You know you can't have both though," he slipped his slender fingers into Tetsuro's hair and returned the kiss. "So make up your mind by the time I get back."

"Only if you do so alive."

"Very funny. I'll see you in a couple hours." Kei quickly turned and hurried behind the others to the bus. He was probably the least nervous out of everyone despite having the most important job right now. Yamaguchi sat beside him.

"I'm scared."

"Of course you are."

"What about you?"

"What about me what?"

"Are you scared?"

The tall male paused before turning to look out the window. He exhaled heavily "A little. Not enough that it will matter."

"Well...we're all counting on you," Yamaguchi said. Tsukishima scoffed "was that supposed to make me feel better? You're dogshit at being comforting. It might work with Shibayama, but not me."

"Oh come on, Tsukki, why do you always bring him into it?"

"No reason, just...oh whatever, just piss off…"

They remained in silence despite the rest of the bus being exceptionally loud. When it came to a stop he got off with everyone else. Ever since he protected Nishinoya from that creeps, everyone seemed to be on this weird line between trying to bully him and avoiding him. Psychopath, insane, crazy, all bark no bite, four-eyes, bean pole, he couldn't care less what they called him. He never let it get to him. It wouldn't make sense if he did. He had someone waiting for him. Someone who wouldn't know what to do if he died. So he wouldn't.

He had to wait until his second period. That was his science class. He could find what he needed and set it off. He didn't care about the other people. The only other people he had any concern for was his teammates and the others in their group.

"Tsukishima!"

He jumped as the teacher's voice caught him off guard. He calmly answered "What?"

"Unless you're doing something inappropriate, I'm not sure why your hands are moving so much under that desk space. He scoffed as several students decided to laugh.

_ No, I'm mixing chemicals you stupid whore . _ He thought.

"No, you dumb whore" he said. He didn't mean to say it out loud, but at least he didn't mention the part about mixing chemicals. Kageyama just looked at him in shock from where he stood beside him. He quickly put one hand on top of the desk after subtly lighting a math without making a single sound. He looked around at the other first-years he knew. They all seemed tense. Except for him of course. The bell rang right on time as he slipped in the match to the container.

_ "So..you understand what you have to do?" _

_ "Mix this shit in the chemical lab and get out before it explodes," _

_ "And….Come back alive. You understand that part too, right?" _

"I understand…" he exhaled before grabbing his bag and bolting. His teammates were practically right behind him as well as several other students who chose to go through the same exit.

_ "You'll have just enough time to leave the room." _

_ "So don't do it until right before we go?" _

_ "Exactly." _

His feet slip on the floor and his hear pounds in his ears. All sound goes dead into a ringing in his ears. It feels almost like the floor disappears from beneath his feet. He hits the ground and rolls over, getting back up with a slight delay. He looks behind him to see the other first-years of the group running over, Kageyama the last one out. He's quick to get back up as well, ignoring the fact that he's gained a limp.

"Tsukki, what was that?!"

"Um-"

_ *"What's this?" _

_ " Twine. Light it on fire and it'll ignite the nitroglycerin when the fire reaches it. Be gone before then. It's just long enough that it should give you enough time to get the fuck out of there. Assuming you run." _

"Sawdust soaked in nitroglycerin!"

"What the hell is nitroglycerin?!"

"Explosive!" That was the best answer he could give since he wasn't quite sure himself. "It's basically the composition of dynamite but without the blasting cap. And a lot messier, but that's not the point!"

He's first to exit the school, but they're effectively surrounded by soldiers.

"Waahh, Tsukki!" Tadashi whimpered. The blonde lifted his hands slightly. He stared straight ahead at the soldier in front of him with a gun pointed in his face. Tadashi grabbed his hand as the soldier pulled him away from the group.

"Alright, get your ass over here before I shoot your brains to the moon!"

_ "You know what your nickname translates to, right?" _

_ "I'm not a moron like Hinata. It's moon." _

_ "Only surrender when you hear tsukki. A lot of the soldiers here in Tokyo aren't Japanese." _

"Jesus christ, if you want to blow me, at least do it to something other than my brain," the blonde said unenthusiastically, allowing the soldier he made eye contact with to cuff his wrists. The man pulled him close enough to whisper in his ear.

"What are the chances, baby bro?"

"Oh, it's been three weeks already?"

"It's been a month, Kei…"

The blonde almost wants to laugh. He glances at his worried friends and flashes them that mischevious grin of his as his older brother drags him away.

"So, nice weather we're having," he says, the nervousness finally beginning to surface in his voice. "Really, it is. Speaking of which, do you do this every day?"

"Nice joke, but no to answer that. Well technically I've done this everyday since I got here. You know what we're doing from here on, correct?"

"Obviously."

Tadashi took the matches from him when he grabbed his hand.

Kageyama grabbed everything else right before they left the classroom.

_ "Follow all instructions and don't dare do anything stupid until the explosion goes off. They'll be trying to hang you, so if you try to run too early, you'll choke." _

They take him to what he assumes is a prison and there he's left alone and left to wait.

"Tsukishima," Nishinoya said.

"What?"

"Was it worth it?"

The blonde turns to him with a raised eyebrow to express his confusion.

"Was saving me from that boy worth knowing you might die?" Yu elaborates. Tsukishima sighs.

"I was ready for it, that's all. I just got lucky. We both did."

\-----

There's already a crowd by the time they get there. It's dark, but he can just barely make out the bright orange hair among it. Nishinoya is half asleep. He lightly kicks his ankle, causing him to trip and the soldier holding him to glare at him. "Oi, wake up, shorty. You've gotta stay awake," he mutters.

"Sh," Akiteru hisses quietly. The sound of their footsteps get louder as they get onto the stage. Suddenly, Kei freezes. His whole body goes stiff and feels numb.

_ "They'll be trying to hang you, so if you try to run too early, you'll choke." _

There were no ropes hanging this time. He glanced at Yu who looks back at him. He forces himself to close his eyes as he's forced into his knees. The words of the woman are muffled in his ears. All he heard was the click of the gun behind his head.

"Hey," softly said the girl on her knees between them. "I don't regret helping him either. Us outcasts need to stick together. My girlfriend will follow you when you go. Let her join you."

Hana smiles. Her smile doesn't leave her face as the bullet pierces her skull. The blood splatters on his face and he finally feels his heart speed up. He feels the air refusing to enter his lungs properly.

_**Boom!** _

The floor shuffles beneath him and the air fills with smoke and dust. Random gunshots fire and he feels one graze his leg. Shoot. He couldn't see anything. He couldn't find his way to his brother, to Noya or anyone. That was until-

_ "And….Come back alive. You understand that part too, right?" _

Arms slipped under his armpits, dragging him off the stage and managing to carry him several feet away, through the crowd of people. It's easy to get out of the cloud of smoke. He blinks to see through his dirty glasses.

"Congratulations, you came back alive, wanna cookie?" Kuroo gently put him down on his feet. He inhaled slowly.

"Kuroo…"

"Hm?"

"Kageyama...where is he? He set off the explosion, right?"

"He'll be fine, we've gotta go. Everyone will meet up, but we gotta go.  _ Now !" _

He hears a bloodcurdling scream and can't help himself but turn around. His teammates, his group is running towards him.

He pulls off his glasses to see better.

_ Hinata...Shirabu...Daichi….Suga…. Shibayama….Tadashi...Noya...orange, blonde, buzzed… _

His mind simplifies his identification of the boys. His mind feels like it's spinning and spinning until he falls back against Tetsuro. Against his will, he's dragged toward an approaching vehicle and quite literally thrown in. He scrambles back up to his knees but is shoved back down by Nekoma's captain. "Tsukishima, stop it, what's gotten into you?"

"You told me to come back alive! I'm not the only one who's supposed to come back alive! I almost died for those pieces of shit, I didn't do it just for them to go and die too!"

"Settle down, blondie! Settle…" he wrapped his arms around him tightly and held him against his chest. "Settle down, Tsukki...they'll be okay…."

"They're so stupid! They're fucking idiots- morons, they'll end up dying because this didn't go how it was supposed to! They weren't supposed to shoot me, they were supposed to try to hang us! This isn't fair it's not fair, I-" he feels the tears rapidly falling down his cheeks, the sobs choking him to death.

"Those stupid idiots are gonna die!"

\-----

_ "I don't regret helping him either. Us outcasts need to stick together.." she smiles. She smiles until the bullet pierces her skull and leaves her dead beside him, his face and clothes covered in blood. _

_ "Tsukki!" _

"Hey, Tsukki…"

He jumps awake, panting as cold sweat sticks his bangs to his face.

"Hey, relax, calm down, okay? Calm down, you're fine…" Kuroo pulls him closer to his chest again, his heartbeat soothing his rushing mind.

"Where is everyone?"

"Behind you and in front of you. Still in the truck."

"And what about…"

"Kageyama? He's in another truck with Terushima and some of the others. And a girl. I don't know what condition he's in, sorry…" he murmurs, just hugging him tightly.

"Did you make up your mind yet?"

"Oh that….I'm...not sure."

".... Whatever, where are we going?"

"We'll meet up with the other group at the checkpoint. Iwaizumi and Akaashi will be there to let us through the area. You were out for a while so we aren't very far now at all. You feeling alright?" Kuroo asks.

"No, but thanks for asking. I hope you're right that Kageyama is fine. Otherwise, I'd hate to tell you the story about the soldiers that kidnapped him and Hinata."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not gonna lie, pacing this was actually a lot of fun.  
> I think I mentioned it before in the notes for an earlier chapter, but in contrast to this natural disaster/war apocalypse fic, I have a zombie apocalypse fic in the works. I'd really appreciate it if you would check that out once it goes up in a few days from this being posted. Anyway, that's about all I have to say.
> 
> Bye,  
> Author-san


	7. Fever Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fever dream is hard to wake from. So what if you don't? What if instead, the dream was real yet completely unreal all at once?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So #1 I have a tumblr now, woo, crazy. Anywho, I love interacting with you guys, you're all so funny and great, but responding to every single comment is a bit tedious. I'll be using that tumblr to post art related to my fics, art in general, clarify and explain things(Instead of writing essays in the notes), answer questions, and discuss plot things or haikyuu things or things about me. Basically a platform to really interact with all of you, so if you guys would check that out, it'd be great. It's Yakus-heart. On that note, what scenes from this fic might you want to see illustrated?
> 
> On a more depressing note, Today's chapter warnings are Suicide/attempted suicide, character death, and morbid discussions. See you on the other side. Good luck.

"Shit it's cold…"

"No it's not…"

"What's stopping you from pissing off?"

Kuroo looked down at him with an unbothered expression "It's not cold, Tsukki, you just have a fever."

"How could I possibly be sick?" The blonde shot back with narrowed brown eyes. Everyone on his team had brown eyes. Except for Kageyama, because he just always had to be special somehow. Why was he even thinking about this?

"Beats me," Tetsuro responds, shrugging his shoulders. "Whatever it is, it knocked you out pretty damn good."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Isn't that about the second time you've fainted since Ustunomiya?" The famous Sugawara interjected.

Tsukishima scoffed "So what?"

"That's probably not very good. I'm mostly good with wound care, so maybe it'd be better if Ennoshita looked at you. The last thing we need is someone else in a bad state…" his senpai suggested. He shook his head.

"I'd rather not. Just leave me alone…" the tall male responded, laying back down with his head on Kuroo's lap. The ride so far was surprisingly smooth. Then again they were probably going a bit slower than usual considering the possibility of danger.

Kuroo ran his hand through Kei's hair, and although he glared at him, he lacked the motivation to actually do something about it. The hand moves from his hair down to his face, briefly seeming to caress his jawline before moving down more.

"What are you being so touchy for?"

There's no response, but Kuroo has this look on his face. It's somewhere between concern and intense focus. His hand moves to Tsukishima's shoulder, and to his surprise grabbed onto his upper arm.

"What the hell is that for?" Tsukishima hissed, again receiving no response. This time, Kuroo reaches over to Suga and grabs his arm with his other hand. The setter doesn't appear phased in the slightest, and instead just watches him do it.

Kuroo then pulls that hand away and wraps it around Kenma's upper arm. Then he finally brings his full attention back to the middle blocker in his lap. He just sighs.

"And you did that for what?"

"Nothing, just something I noticed," Kuroo responds.

"What did you notice?"

"Something."

"Would you like to give me a straight answer, you smug bastard?"

"Don't know straight, where can I meet 'er?" Nekoma's captain responds with a soft chuckle. Tsukishima is- for once- left speechless. There was nothing particularly shocking or special about the comment that was made, but it was truly only something that would come out of Kuroo's mouth.

"Haha, did I shock you?"

"No, I just…" Kei paused, his mind going blank. He had something smart to say, but suddenly it vanished from his head. He blinked a couple times before shaking his head and half hiding against Kuroo's stomach.

"... it's cold," Kenma suddenly complains.

"Then come let me warm you up!"

"I'm fine, actually, just wanted to know what you would say. And get that dumb look off your face…" Kozume said in his usual low tone, lacking even the slightest enthusiasm.

It was easy to visualize the arrow shooting through Kuroo's chest.

"That was mean! And how would you of all people even know what kind of face I'm making?!"

"I can hear it in that tone of your voice. I've known you since we were kids, I'd know something like that easily."

Sugawara seemed entertained, but Tsukishima's head felt like he'd just been hit by a rock. He sat up again, hoping to quickly alleviate the issue, but it only made his stomach turn. Kuroo put an arm around his shoulders "Earth to Tsukki~? You're looking real pale over there."

"I could never have guessed…"

"Don't worry, we can rest up at the checkpoint for a few days and we'll figure this shit storm out. How does that sound?" The ravenette kissed him gently, but Tsukki quickly pushed back against his chest, lowering his head as bile rose in his throat and found its way out.

"Shoot-" Kuroo hissed.

"Never heard you censor yourself before," Kenma remarked, still unbothered. Oh how lucky he must be to not have to see this mess.

"The car is probably making it worse…" Koushi murmured, glancing back at them. From the driver's seat, Akaashi sighed.

"There's not much we can do," the apathetic team said. Unimpressed by this, Kuroo gently kisses the top of Tsukki's head. He whispers softly in his ear-

_"I don't know why you lied to me about it 5 months ago, but I do know that if you keep lying about it, you're going to be putting more than just yourself in danger…"_

He didn't like hearing it, and he definitely wasn't in the mood for hearing it.

"Just lean on me, it's fine," Kuroo offers.

"No, it's gross."

"What you do already is gross."

Tsukishima flinched. Even if the others hadn't noticed, he sure did. Why did he have to know of all people? It seems to take a minute for Tetsuro to realize that he had struck a nerve. "Uh...shit, I didn't…"

"Whatever, I don't feel up to this. I'm tired and nauseous, just leave me alone…"

\-----

"How long do you plan on throwing up for?"

"...shut up," Tsukishima shot back. His throat burned, but it was all there seemed to be inside. He tried to think about something else, but it didn't help. His stomach was basically empty.

Kuroo gently rubbed his back, crouching beside him. Maybe getting sick made time feel slower, cause despite being asleep the whole time, it still felt like it took forever to get here.

"You have to tell them."

"No,"

" I don't want to lose you to this, it's not fair!" 

"It's not that easy! It's not…" Kei snapped at him, but was quick to quiet down. He stares at the tile floor, a strange feeling welling up in his chest that he hadn't felt in a long time. It felt kind of like...just almost like...shame…

He sits up, gripping his arms in a tight self-hug as Kuroo pulls him into an actual hug, and forces him to put his head on his shoulder.

"What started all this? It's not like you were ever bullied. Kids were afraid of you, weren't they?"

"Do we have to talk about this now? I'd rather not if that's an option, now isn't the time for-"

"Tsukki." Kuroo said sharply, making a shiver run up his spine. "Seriously, talk to me. You've been away from me for this long and don't even want to talk to me?" Kuroo teased lightly, but it was clear that he was serious.

"Not really," Kei responded, a bitter tone on his tongue as usual.

Tetsuro sighs "I don't want to fight over this right now, but...I don't know much about this shit, I don't know when is too late and I don't wanna find out. At least give me something to work with…"

The blonde sighed "My height is what everyone has always noticed first about me. Especially when I started hanging around Yamaguchi and playing Volleyball. It was pretty amusing actually, still is. The nicknames, the jokes. It never bothered me, so to speak, but I got more conscious about it."

"About your height?"

"That and how I look because of my height," Tsukishima took a deep breath and relaxed. "Besides, everyone's getting skinnier by the day. It's not just me."

"But that's different," Kuroo pointed out. "I haven't been with you guys through all this, but I've seen Hinata and Nishinoya eat. They don't pass on meals, that's for sure. My point is- for Kenma who's smaller than you to weigh more…" he doesn't finish his sentence, believing the implications to be obvious.

"What are you getting at?" Kei sighed.

Kuroo paused. "Stop."

"I stole you it's not that easy…!"

This time Kuroo sighed, shaking his head and mumbling "I know." There's a brief silence before he gives him a slight grin "You know, for a firefly, you're not very bright and positive."

"Ha-ha, very funny, you stupid cat. Fireflies are dark sometimes, too."

"So depressing, Hotaru-kun."

As if knocking didn't exist, the door opened slowly, revealing half of Kenma's face. He didn't look pleased.

"How did you even get over here?" Kuroo asked before even letting him say anything.

"I walked. There's bad news, get your skinny asses out here. And if I trip over your shit again I'm going to kill you both," as Kenma does, he speaks in a low voice devoid of enthusiasm. The words were clearly tinged with irritation, though. He probably wasn't kidding.

They didn't get a chance to question the bad news before the door slammed shut. They sit in silence for a second before standing. Kuroo leans against the wall as Tsukishima tries to get himself together. The mirror isn't in the best shape but it doesn't need to be for him to see how red his face has gotten. Because he can't seem to go without touching him, Tetsuro hugs his waist from behind.

"Hotaru-kun~"

"Get off my neck, what are you, a vampire?"

"Maybe."

Tsukishima rolled his eyes, lightly hitting Kuroo in the face with the back of his hand as he turned to exit. The blonde flinches hearing Nekoma's captain kick the toilet flush. He just sighs and exits the bathroom. They're greeted by shadow-faced teens. Aka, everyone had an unreadable expression except for a select few who looked really intense. Kuroo put his hand on his back.

"...Oh great, this looks like it's gonna be a fun conversation…" Kei remarks, his eyes traveling down to the blood that stained Ennoshita and Suga's clothes. Oh great, this was gonna be fun.

"What is it this time?" Tsukishima sighed quietly. Kuroo held onto his arm as if preparing to hold him up.

"Kageyama," Koushi said calmly. "I…"

"You what?" He tilts his head up slightly, as if he didn't already tower over the setter. "I was told there was bad news, if it's what I think it is, then I have some bad news for you," the blonde easily pulled out of Kuroo's grip and approached Sugawara.

"Tsukki, back up please…" Tadashi warned softly.

"I-I did my best…but I don't think he's gonna..."

Tsukki scoffed "...right. Of course you did. You were probably tired of him being better than you…" the blonde turned back towards Kuroo and began stalking off, a dark shadow casting over his eyes. He didn't hear the reaction to what he said. He didn't want to listen.

"Tsukki...Tsukki!" Yamaguchi called after him, but it was Kuroo who came outside.

He leaned against the wall as the cool air hit him in the face. He shivered, crouching down again. He crossed his arms over his knees and put his head down, hiding his face from view.

"You're breathing heavy," Tetsuro commented, gently running his hand down his spine.

"No shit, Sherlock. Come to tell me something else I already know?"

"You know why you're sick, don't you?"

"It's a little hard to tell with so much shit going on-"

"Just say yes or no."

"Yes, okay? Yes, I know why I'm sick, but there's not much I can do about it right now, so why don't you just-"

"What's the point in scaring him like that? Not just scaring him but you said something insensitive, why?"

"Insensitive? This world is insensitive, get used to it. No one is going to be sensitive to us anymore. Nobody prepared us for this shit, what do you want me to do?" The blonde looks up as Kuroo crouches beside him.

"You're right, I can't deny that. We're not the same kids we were a few months ago. It's not your style to begin with, but can't you just express some sympathy?" Kuroo said softly.

"You haven't seen the shit I've seen, but I can't blame you for being so calm and clueless when you've been working in your little cafe and living with your food and apartment that isn't fucking disgusting and broken," Tsukki responde with an edge to his tone.

"You haven't seen the shit I've seen," Kuroo shot back. Tsukishima frowns.

"What are you on about now?"

"You remember what the rules were, don't you? You have no idea what I had to see….what I had to watch Kenma go through because I couldn't keep my fucking hands to myself. It's my fault…" Kuroo answered, his voice trembling in just the slightest way.

"Is that what happened to his eyes?"

"No, that was from the bus accident. Yaku and Oikawa got royally fucked up by that, too. I don't know where they are, but...I hope they're doing okay."

Tsukishima stood up slowly, turning to look up at the sky, dark with heavy clouds. "When are we leaving?"

"Uh, when you're better."

"That's too long. Way too long. You know that "better" isn't what you think it is for me. We should leave as soon as we can," the blonde glared at him sharply.

"What's got you worked up all of a sudden?" Tetsuro asked worriedly, slowly standing as well. He followed his line of sight with a frown. Then he lowered it.

"If you don't mind, I'd like to point something out…" Tsukishima says. "In Tokyo ...they were hung by their necks, not upside down."

"But in Miyagi…" Yamaguchi's voice came out of nowhere and somewhere at the same time. Somewhere was right behind them. "Semi was hung upside down from a street light. I guess they're not the only ones out here...damn."

\-----

“Ughhh, what’s that nooiiiise?!” Tsukishima was always one to commonly complain, but he couldn’t be blamed for that at the moment. Suga was unimpressed with it as well, but was kind enough to answer.

“Shibayama,” he said calmly. Before another question could arise, he added “No, I don’t know what happened. I’m concerned just as I am concerned.”

The blonde just rolls his eyes and flops down on the ratty bed that he had slept on the night before. Kuroo sat down on the edge of the bed, probably waiting for a chance to give his input.

“Yamaguchi, shut him up!” Tsukishima hissed as he could feel his own head beginning to hurt. He couldn’t stand it when Nekoma’s little libero was set off. It only muffled the sound a bit for Tadashi to hold the smaller teen against his chest. It was almost amazing how someone could be so small and still make so much noise when he wasn’t even in a state he could consider as being conscious.

“Aside from that situation, how’s everyone else doing? Surely a bit better after getting a good night’s sleep?” Daichi attempted to prompt a conversation. No one seemed up to talking much, but Kageyama opted to give a response.

“Good night’s sleep my ass! I hardly slept!”

“I wonder why…”Tsukishima mutters into his pillow. Although he hadn’t seen the injury himself, According to Suga, he’d been shot in the shoulder, a fated bullet that not only could have caught him in the neck, but even where it had hit could’ve been potentially very dangerous. The bullet struck him in the shoulder and probably shattered a few bones. It was some type of miracle that he’d made it through the night.

“What right do you have to be so loud in the state you’re in?” Kuroo remarked in his place, although much more light-heartedly than he would’ve. Kageyama threw a pillow at him, his karma striking instantly as he cried out in pain. It took this for them to realize that the other screams had stopped.

“Did he finally pass out?” Noya asked, almost sounding hopeful. Although he couldn’t see it, Yamaguchi had probably nodded as here was no other indication of a verbal response. Tsukishima only looks up when he hears Sugawara stand up and clap his hands together.

“Okay, we need to plan where we’re going from here! I know we probably plan on heading to the next settlement, but there’s a couple things I'd like to address!” The setter gives the group the most half-assed smile Kei has ever seen in his life of half-assed smiles. Either way, everyone seems to mutually agree with him.

“As far as we’ve planned, our next destination is Ame no Machi. It’s in Odawara which isn’t far from us now considering our mode of transportation. I know we’ve been going through a lot and i’m really sorry! It’s only natural to be suspicious of new places after all this, but I need you to put your trust in me and the others. Forgive me, but...you’ll just have to work with me. We need to love as soon as we can.”

“Actually, that may be a bit more difficult than anticipated,” through the door in walked Kei’s brother. His usually pleasant smile was gone and replaced with a look of dissatisfaction most commonly seen on the younger of the two siblings.

Koushi hid his face in his hands with a heavy sigh and sat back down. The frustration seemed to radiate off of him. “Just get it over with, what is it this time?”

“Well,” the blonde exhaled, taking a few steps forward. “Someone or something destroyed the trucks. And by destroyed I don’t mean broke everything, I mean destroyed the necessary components we need for the trucks to function which leaves us with pristine military trucks that are completely useless. As if it couldn’t get any worse, this means we have to leave ASAP _anyway_. Because whoever ruined the vans clearly doesn’t like us.”

The explanation left the room in silence. There was a mutual sigh as most of the teens in the room began to shuffle around the room and regather their dwindling supplies. There had been no chance to grab any food aside from whatever had been in their rooms when they left, so there wasn’t much. That was also accounting for the amount of people they had with them.

Tsukishima just watched everyone as Kuroo didn’t seem to walk more than three feet from him. The ravenette reaches to hand him a bag and then pauses when he catches the glare from the tall blonde. The look on his face pretty clearly read _And you thought I was going to do what with that?_ Tetsuro just chuckled lightly and slung the bag over his shoulder, pulling Kei to his feet and giving him his other shoulder for support. “You’re so lazy, Hotaru-kun~” he said in a sing-song voice.

Kei just rolled his eyes. From the corner of his eye he noticed Hinata’s confused expression, probably due to the unusual nickname. He just glared at the redhead, and that sent the little teen on his way. On the other side of the room, Ennoshita and Asahi were helping Kageyama out.

_"I-I did my best…but I don't think he's gonna..."_

The younger setter seemed to be okay aside from some major pain. What was so wrong that Sugawara was seemingly beating himself up over it? It wasn’t like he could ask the others, they probably didn’t know either aside from Ennoshita. He keeps mulling it over as they once again had no choice but to leave. Then something hit him “Where’s that girl at?”

Terushima -who he hadn’t seen until now- answered the question “Oh, that's right. Her name is Akiko Yuri. She’s a bit ahead of us with Iwaizumi, Akaashi and Yamamoto. She’s pretty nice but also pretty quiet.” he explains. Tsukishima looks over at the others as if looking for some other description, but receives none.

In the span of approximately ten minutes, they’d caught up to the smaller group. Akaashi and Iwaizumi were quiet as usual, and Terushima seemed to get quieter when they approached them. Akiko is also quiet, a slender girl with thick lack hair dyed blue at the tips. None of them have anything to say, and keep on walking.

Overhead, clouds move slowly in the gray sky, blocking out the real sun as their sunshine on earth was currently kicking pebbles as he walked with his head down. Glancing over everyone’s faces, Kei could determine that everyone was mentally kicking pebbles. Even the Shiratorizawa boys looked like the world had given them a run for their money. Nekoma’s ace and Tanaka walked with Nishinoya between them. Three of the loudest people he knew were suffocating in a deafening silence.

Everything seemed to go by as if recorded in timelapse and played in .75x. It felt like they were walking forever, but felt like he had simply watched the barely visible spot of light in the clouds fly over their heads. Then suddenly he heard a sound. He looked down just quick enough to see Hinata trip and land unfortunately on the pavement. Instead of getting up, he just stayed there for a good few seconds before Tsukishima had identified the noise. He was crying. Sobbing, really.

Kenma crouched down, gently tugging on the tangerine’s arm to get him to sit up. He did, his tears stinging and washing the dirt off of his scraped cheek. His forearms and knees bled with similar injuries, but he made no attempt to stand. Kenma sighed “Shouyo, come on-”

“I don’t want to, I'm sick of it!” Hinata snapped at him. “I’m sick of it, I’m sick of it! I wanna go home, I wanna go home, I’d rather die than keep walking through this! I’m sick of my chest hurting when I breathe because I’m so skinny from not having enough food! In fact, i’m sick of not having enough food! I’m so...sick of it…”

Hardly a moment passes before Kenma lowers his head, and he too begins to cry. Then it’s Noya starting to sob and Yamaguchi beginning to cry, and Kageyama furiously trying to wipe away tears with his uninjured arm. It hardly takes a minute for nearly every person in their group to become practically hysterical. The epiphany itself wasn’t what was surprising, it was the fact that somehow it had only just hit them all.

Tsukishima lowers his head as well. Between him and Kuroo, his tears fall first although not by much. Their position switches and one of Tetsuro’s arms wraps around his waist while the other goes around his shoulder and tightly grips his hair, pushing his face into his shoulder. “All we see is sky...for forever...you know it, right?”

“Mhm...watch the world pass by for...forever…” Tsukishima has never heard his voice crack like this before. He’s usually the only one not in tears, but today he’s experiencing a heavy yet silent flow of them down his slim cheeks. He holds onto Kuroo almost as tightly as he’s holding onto him. After a minute, Tsukki pulls away and looks at everyone else. The Akiko girl is facing away from them so he’s unsure about her, but Suga...Suga is doing just what he’s doing, looking over everyone as if to evaluate their states. The setter had occasional tears that left his brown eyes, but a soft almost motherly grin on his face. Why did that expression make him feel so nervous?

They keep walking because they have to. It doesn't matter how much they want to give up, it’s impossible. They couldn’t give up now even if they wanted to. They were tired and hungry in the middle of buttfuck nowhere. Far from home and farther from anywhere they could even think of calling home. Did home even exist anymore? Home had probably gone to hell by now. He wouldn’t be surprised considering where they were right now. Everyone’s eye had gone red and raw at the corners as they’d finally run dry as they walked. The silence had fallen once again.

Tsukishima had put his focus on the back of Sugawara’s head. He wondered what was going on in there. He wanted to know, but didn’t dare ask. Kuroo gently tapped his shoulder, encouraging him to look up with a breath of relief.

_Ame no Machi_

Or as the passive-aggressive foreigner said it- The rainy city. Why it was called that they still had yet to find out. Everyone was pretty tense about this, but kept their mouths shut about their paranoia. It was just like before, yet not at the same time. Everyone looked like they had died on the inside, although that was a truly accurate conclusion to come to. If anything it seemed the most probably, especially since they looked like they just crawled out of the bomb wasteland and war sites.

Throughout the whole process he found himself keeping his eyes on Sugawara. He didn’t know why. His expression, the look in his eyes...made him uneasy.

“Excuse me, just one mmore question. Any mental or physical illnesses or handicaps?”

“What? No, I…” for a brief moment his eyes travel to Kuroo who he quickly realizes has been watching him this whole time. He shivers at the revelation. Geez, what a creep…He knew why he was doing it, though. This question was why.

“Uh...no. No, just a minor injury on my leg. Nothing else.” Man, he could feel Kuroo’s eyes burning into the back of his skull.I was an angry burn too. Definitely couldn’t be settled with milk. The skeptical woman let him go and he returned to his group. He knew Kuroo was mad with him when he didn’t say anything to him upon his approach. Geez, this guy just loved being difficult. Then again he was being pretty stubborn now as well. 

“Are you going to give me the silent treatment now or something?” Kei challenged the captain's resilience with him as he crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. As he expected, Kuroo just sighed and shook his head.

“I’m sure neither of us would enjoy that.

“Are you sure? Maybe I wouldn’t mind not hearing your voice for a couple days,” the blonde responded. He could deny it as much as he wanted to, but he might actually miss the snarky comments. He briefly wonders if his teammates felt the same way about him. In any case, Akaashi handed him an envelope that felt way too heavy. By the time he had opened his mouth, Fukurodani’s setter already began to explain.

“These are the papers you’ll need to work or go to the hospital. There’s quite a few job options available to you guys, so I suggest at least reading them over.”

Akaashi leaves just as swiftly as he came, and as he watched him leave, his eyes landed on Sugawara again. He was watching Hinata and Nishinoya playfully argue about something stupid as usual. There was that look again. A calm smile with pained eyes. He couldn’t tell what was going on in his head in the slightest, and frankly he felt like he didn’t want to, no matter how curious he was.

\-----

As if the world really did wish to put him through something unpleasant, he was forced into helping Suga unpack the few bags they did bring. Kageyama was dead asleep and he was so exhausted hat he felt dead. His energy had been dwindling from a little bit before he got sick. Kuroo must have known that he wouldn’t be able to run, for him to have been at the edge of that stage so fast.

They didn’t have many supplies, which meant they’d have to stock up when they finally decided what to do after this. Already tired despite not having much done, Tsukishima sits on the edge of one of the beds in the room. As fate would have it, an object clatters to the hardwood floor and rolls right to his feet. Suga seems to practically dive for it while he picks it up calmly, and uses his foot to keep his senpai from grabbing it out of his hand.

It’s a pill bottle, but it’s impossible for him to read the label. He just laughs incredulously. “Are you a drug addict senpai?” He taunts with a smirk, but Sugawara looks less than impressed. This is the most enthusiasm he’s seen him express since they left Utsunomiya and most definitely since leaving Tokyo. “Just tell me, what are they? I'll give them back if you say it.”

“This isn’t funny, give that back to me! They’re antidepressants, okay? Just give it to me!” Koushi hissed, finally being allowed to grab the small bottle. Tsukishima looked him dead in the eyes. This was a battle now.

“How long have you been on them?”

“Utsunomiya. How long have you been doing *this?”

“Pushing the food away? Since back in school. Vomiting? That’s a new thing in a relative sense. Where did you get them from?”

“Hospital. Why did you tell them nothing was wrong?”

“I didn’t want to go to the hospital since you hate it. Are you okay?”

“I don’t know, session over,” Koushi turned and walked back to the bed he’d claimed as his own and shoved the bottle under the pillow inside the pillowcase. Right on time, the door flew open.

“Hey guys, you’re taking forever!” It was Nishinoya who had intruded, but there were few other people he would suspect. The libero grinned at them both simultaneously. “Daichi suggested we go to the little restaurant downstairs for a little chill and hang out time since it’s been so long since we did something like that!”

Suga and Tsukki exchanged glances. Tsukishima calmly nodded. He wouldn’t turn down the chance to drink himself to happiness. Suga on the other hand walked over to Kageyama. Them told them he’d live, but he’d have to be careful about the left shoulder. He’d lost a lot of blood thanks to the broken bones in his shoulder area caused by the bullet’s impact, but thanks to Suga and Ennoshita’s intervention, he wouldn’t die right now. In a childish way, Tsukishima only felt as if he’d fortunately transferred his fever to Kageyama. Suga didn’t seem keen on leaving him alone, but agreed anyway.

\-----

“Okay okay okay...one...Two…” everyone paused in an excited suspense. “Happy birthday, Noya!”

The brunette had gone dead quiet. It was probably a shock to him. Out of their group, Oikawa-who remained MIA, Goshiki and Tsukishima had all missed any chance at a birthday celebration. In fact, Tsukishima’s birthday had passed pretty recently. Suga hummed as if the vibrations would buzz off the alcohol in his system. Despite the food they ordered, Tsukishima had just continued to push it around the plate until Nishinoya snatched some of it and used his birthday as an excuse. Koushi whistled with amusement. He couldn’t remember what turning 18 was like. There were way too many things for him to think about that clouded his mind and memory.

“Suga,” Daichi lightly nudges his arm with his elbow. “Are you okay?” The captain tilted his head at him with a slightly concerned look. The setter just shook his head “Nah i’m good, just wondering something.”

“What is it?”

“If you cut your wrist with a blade, will it bleed out faster vertically or horizontally?”

The whole group went dead silent with another wave or shock. Clearly taken aback by the drunken quest, Ennoshita hesitantly answers “Vertically...why?” He says, and judging by where his eyes travel too, he’s taking a mental note of the fact that the scars on his arms are horizontal and diagonal.

Sugawara laughs softly and shakes his head again “nononono it’s not like that, I was just a bit concerned about…” his eyes subtly flicker to Tsukishima. “Someone else. If i’m supposed to be a medic, then I should know how to handle things. Ah, anyway- I got some supplies from a store for when we have to head out again. If this is anything like before, we’ll need a few extra supplies. I was also- ngh-!” Suga paused, putting his class down to hold his head. Since when did alcohol make his head hurt?

“Are you okay?” Daichi quickly asks again. He says nothing in response. He hears Akiko stand up and speak.

“You’ve all been so nice to me, I’m so grateful. Judging by the looks of it, Sugawara has had a bit too much to drink. I think i’m going to take him back to the room and then turn in for the night myself,” the girl suggests. She approaches him and he compliantly goes with her, but not before pressing a kiss to Daichi’s lips. The cool air of the evening does little to sober him. He’s somehow completely composed and drunk off his ass at the same time.

“So, are those pills working?” The female asks, Suga shrugging in response. He doesn’t see her reaction but can conclude that she accepts her defeat as she leaves him at the apartment door. She smiles at him. “Good night,” she says before leaving him. Normally people would say something like ‘see you tomorrow’ or something, but it didn’t matter. She was just a weird girl.

\-----

Waking up from a fever dream is a challenge. Your whole mind is drowning in this obscure and seemingly impossible scenario. These effects were only multiplied by malnutrition, anemia, and exhaustion. He could hear the door open and shut, but it only morphs into a part of his absurd dream. In his dream is the rustling of bags and the creaking of the floor. It’s all quiet at first as the creaking of the floors continue but sounds as if it's above his head. He probably rolled into his stomach and would now suffocate in his pillows.

What finally startled him out of his absurd dark dream was the sound of something harshly falling to the ground, causing the setter to wake with a start. He looks around and feels as if he's playing a spot the difference game. He doesn't catch what's wrong at first. In fact it takes a good minute until something occurred to him when he noticed the shoes placed nearly on the floor beside an overturned stool. With this newfound revelation, he looks up slowly. He raises his head and slowly his eyes.

His gaze travels up the feet wearing only socks, the jeans with blood running down the side, the shirt with blood running down the shirt and the bloodied left sleeve, the pale skin that looks like it keeps getting paler. The similarly pale face with blood running down from the nose and mouth, The messy silver hair that hid the eyes from view. At least he died still smiling. Hold on… he rubs his eyes, trying to separate his fever dream from reality. Reality...he pokes his shoulder and seethes at the sudden pain. The was...real? Shit...this was real.

He doesn't hear himself scream, but it must have happened because his friends and teammates bust the door down. Literally. It had apparently been locked.

His wrist was slit vertically and he was hanging from the ceiling.

He clearly wanted to make sure he couldn't survive this.

Daichi replaces the stool and scrambles up to get Suga down and detached from the ceiling fan. He nearly falls on the floor doing so, although he collapses anyway with the third-year setter in his arms as Ennoshita touches his wrist, and pauses. Then he touched his neck, paused...and said nothing. Then he leaned down near his nose and sat up, nodding, saying something about how his shaky hands were probably affecting his performance. Asahi was forced to tie the now removed rope around the top of Suga's forearm and apply pressure to his wrist when he really probably wanted to hold his hand instead. Kageyama watched the smile that never disappeared grow a bit bigger. Saw Suga move just the slightest bit, his finger tracing a line down Daichi's face and nothing else. Nothing else. He did nothing else. This time, Ennoshita said nothing about shaky hands when he shook his head.

Kageyama blinked once. Twice. Not a fever dream. This time, he heard himself scream at the top of his lungs so all the world could hear how much pain he was in.

He'd hung himself and slit his wrist. He wanted to make sure he died…

And he did.

Congratulations, Suga.

Want a prize?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a lot. Just...sorry. find my Tumblr and yell at me there, okay? Before anyone might get too upset, he'll live, but only very briefly.
> 
> Also- Dear evan hansen references anyone?


	8. Process

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys begin processing and grieving Suga's death, but it's not as easy as they thought. Hinata's changing and not in a good way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have much to say about this one. Except follow my tumbler Yakus-heart cause I'll be posting a drawing of a suggested scene and some other things that come to mind.
> 
> Also, if you see any random Z's, it's because I misclicked a Z instead of a comma and didn't feel like going back and fixing it.
> 
> Unfortunately though, our earnings today are attempted rape, PTSD and panic attacks. But on the bright side, new characters.

There were no words to properly describe everyone right now. Kageyama and Tsukishima looked to be taking it worse. Tsukishima stayed quiet and only became more stressed. Some people tried to go out and get their minds off things, which unfortunately left him and Kageyama in the room alone. That was with the addition of Hinata who was most often found asleep beside Kageyama. He always seemed tired and uninterested now. He rejected food half the time and just went back to sleep.

Tsukishima on the other hand kept quietly to himself. Eventually Kuroo managed to get a few words and tears out of him when the freak duo had finally been forced by Daichi to leave the room and eat downstairs. Tsukishima remained on his bed with his knees pulled close to his chest as he mulled over the situation. He could've told Daichi about the pills. He could have saved him if he had. Suddenly Kuroo sat down with him and put his arm around his shoulders. "You're not okay, you don't have to hide it. It'd be pointless to think about someone negatively for being upset in this situation. Your senpai...he was a lot more to you than I know you would ever admit."

Tsukishima calmly lays his head on his shoulder. He's right. He just shakes his head "Ran out of tears I guess…" is his answer, but Kuroo makes him look him in the eyes. He can't unsee it. That expression. He didn't know what to call it before but now he did. It was content. Not just any content, but the type of content experienced by someone who knew he was going to die soon and was okay with that. He'd noticed. He'd noticed that he'd been thinking about it and said nothing. He said nothing.

The tears of unspoken words start falling from his face steadily. He covers his mouth with his hand to suppress the choked sob that escaped his throat. Quick to realize, Kuroo just held him closer and tighter. He whispered comforting words in his ear but it was completely lost on him in this pitiful state. Tetsuro shifts slightly to kiss his cheek. "I'm so sorry, Tsukki…" the sympathetic apology only made it worse. It only made his mind race more.

"Stop...Stop I don't want to do this right now…" he tries to pull away but is held firmly in place.

"Tsukishima...I need you to be straight with me. No jokes this time, okay?" Kuroo takes hold of his face and squishes his thin cheeks. "Be honest with me, okay?"

"...fine."

"Kei, do you want to die?"

\-----

"Shouyo, come on!" Noya hissed, tugging his orange-haired friend behind him by the sleeve. Kageyama refused to come with. He had complained about his shoulder, but he knew that he just didn't want to leave his bed. He was the first to see him. To see his Senpai and superior setter. The setter who had been willing to give up his last chance to play in order to make sure they won. They never made it to nationals. They never reached that goal for him. And he found him, the setter who gave up everything for him- dead.

"Are you thinking about _it_ again?" Asahi asks, looking down at him.

Hinata watches Nishinoya mumble something to Asahi, but he doesn't hear the words. He doesn't want to hear the words. He doesn't want to hear them talk about it.

Kenma sighed, briefly making him remember his existence.

Hinata still says nothing to him. He doesn't want to hear it anymore. He didn't want to hear anymore of the comforting words, he didn't want to hear any more "it'll be okay" or "it's not your fault." Because he felt like it was.

Similarly to Shibayama and Tsukishima and Daichi…he'd seen the signs. Not only did he see the signs but like those others, he'd seen something specific that he shouldn't have. He had seen the way Suga smiled at him and Nishinoya arguing over who gets to sleep by the window. He had seen the way he looked when he thought no one was watching, he'd heard the words he spoke at the party that night. He'd heard Kageyama scream that night. That wasn't all, though.

_"Hey, senpai! Can you help me for a second? I uh- I'm too small to fold the blankets by myself…" Shouyo mumbled, feeling the heat creep up his neck._

_"Haha, okay okay, here-" the third year steps over their numerous bags and approaches him, taking the other end of the blanket and beginning to fold it with him. When they come together to fold the fabric into a smaller square, he catches a glimpse of the skin beneath Suga's sleeve. Out of surprise, he drops the blanket._

_"Huh? Hinata, is something wrong?" He asks, tilting his head and bending down a bit to come down to his eye level. "Hinata?"_

_"What happened to your arm? Did you do that?"_

_"Huh? What- oh-" he picks up the blanket and sets it aside, rolling up his sleeve to expose the numerous nasty scars on his forearm. "This?"_

_"Y-Yeah...it looks like it hurt…" Shouyo replied. For a moment he sees a flash of something in his eyes. Fear, maybe? Or maybe he was rethinking his decision? Having second thoughts about his plan to kill himself soon?_

_"Oh, not really... I didn't feel it much. Pain helps. It's like a drug. When you're feeling really sad or frustrated it releases a chemical in your brain that gives you an interesting feeling," Koushi explained._

_"Oh! Did you learn that when you were doing your medical research?" At the time, Hinata hadn't thought much of it, but now he'd realized it. They were harm scars. The scars that Shibayama had seen him make on himself._

_Suga just nodded "Yeah. It's okay, though. I did it on purpose, I'm not in any pain, it doesn't hurt."_

_Something tells him that his words weren't the same in his head. He was hurting. In more pain than they could imagine. In more pain than Kageyama who got shot in the shoulder, in more pain than Kenma who got his eyes ruined by some injury._

_He was in so much pain. That soft smile was hiding so much fucking hurt._

_"Senpai, are you okay? You had this weird look on your face for a second."_

_"Huh? Oh…" a single tear slipped down his face. He quickly sat up and wiped it away "Oh, haha, sorry, I'm okay, really, I just let my mind drift. Can you go for a second? I need to collect myself, sorry Hinata, I-" before he could even fully dismiss him, he breaks down. He sits down on the bed, the tears flowing heavily._

_"Senpai?!" Quickly, Shouyo hurries over, practically jumping into Sugawara's lap and wrapping his arms around him tightly._

_"Shit, you weren't supposed to see this, heh."_

_"It's okay, please don't cry...please don't cry, you'll make me sad, too!"_

_"How can you be sad? Didn't you already get all your sad out when you burst into tears just the other day?"_

_"Oh come on, I was just really upset!"_

_"I'm joking, I'm joking!" Suga laughed, holding the smaller boy close to his chest. "I understand it's been really scary, it's good to cry, it's good to get your emotions out before they build up and hurt more. I'm glad you cried. You even got Tsukishima in his feelings, I didn't even know that was possible!" Suga adds, making them both laugh. Then suddenly Koushi quiets down again._

_"Never lose that emotional part of you...the way you are is what keeps everyone up, don't ever forget that. Don't e v e r forget that. Promise me. When I can't help everyone...you have to."_

"Shouyo? Shouyo! Shouyo, hey, what happened? You blacked out for a second, there. Is everything okay?" Asahi asks, gently shaking his shoulders.

Hinata shook his head. He'd already failed. He'd already failed his promise. He failed his promise and Suga was dead.

"Shou, it's okay. Are you thinking about- hey!" Kenma tries to comfort him, but Shouyo grabs his wrist.

"Hey, what are you doing? What are you doing? Let go!" Kenma pulls back, but Hinata's grip is surprisingly strong. His pale yellow eyes go wide, staring at him wildly.

"Ugh!" Is all that comes out of his mouth as frustration and anger takes over. He grabs onto his collar and practically throws him to the wall, his hand in his shirt moving to his arm as he forcefully slammed his wrist against the wall. The scream that Kenma let out was inhuman, cut off abruptly as he was thrown into the sidewalk.

"Shouyo!" Noya shrieked, grabbing the latter by the shoulders and shaking it "Come in, snap out of it! You hurt him! What is wrong with you? Why would you do that? Are you dumb?! Look!" Nishinoya grabbed him roughly by this hair and forced him to watch Asahi frantically try to tend to Kenma's wrist which was quickly turning dark purple, black and blue.

He picks up the smaller boy in his arms and swears quietly.

"Shouyo! Shouyo, snap out of it!"

Nothing. He says nothing. He can hear the libero breathing heavily behind him, his hands shaking against his shoulders.

"What? What happened?" A man came out of the building they had stopped in front of.

Nishinoya takes a shaky breath "M-My friend, he broke his wrist-" he points at Kenma who was curled up in Asahi's arms.

The man nods, going to help him.

Nishinoya stands in front of Shouyo, glaring at him. "What's wrong with you? Why would you do that? Why? Why would you do something like that?! Is this because of what happened? Suga wouldn't want that and you know it, so what the fuck-"

Shouyo slaps his hand off of his shoulder and walks right past him. Right past Asahi and the man and Kenma. Down the sidewalk in pure silence aside from a few people minding their business.

_"Never lose that emotional part of you...the way you are is what keeps everyone up, don't ever forget that. Don't e v e r forget that. Promise me. When I can't help everyone...you have to."_

He keeps walking. He keeps walking until his legs hurt. He walks until the sun is dipping low among the damaged buildings.

"Hey, kid" a voice came from behind him, making him jump. He turns fast, the man putting his hands up quickly.

"Relax, where did you come from? I can take you back, it's dangerous out here after dark," the man offers. Hinata stares at him for a moment before nodding. He had to head back before his friends started to worry.

The guy gently taps him and starts to walk back the way he came. But then he grabs his arm and pulls him off the sides spinning their position to press Hinata flat against the harsh cold wall. His heart pounded between his chest and the wall. His arms were pulled behind his back. Two other people appeared. No. No not again.

He struggled back, but was held firmly in place. He stayed dead silent.

"A quiet one, eh?" A hand snakes around his neck, a long index finger tracing up his face and tugging at the corner of his mouth. Still, he made not a sound. That is...until…

"Man, whatever, let's just take what we can and go," comes another guy's voice, followed by the sound of a clicking belt and a zipper.

He knew what was about to happen. He knew what they wanted from him. It's what he deserved. He closes his eyes, his body relaxing. He opened his blurry eyes to see the faces of one of the men. A little smile appears on his face. He says nothing. The guys seem disturbed by the dead look on his face. He shrugs slightly and sighs.

A hand slips between his thighs, forcing his legs apart. He did it willingly. Really, what did they expect him to do? He didn't feel like struggling anymore.

"So you're just a little slut then? You'll take it without a problem?"

He stays quiet.

"Hey, i'm talking to you, bitch!"

"Just do it already! He's not going to do anything!"

Hinata just closed his eyes again. He tries to drift off again into an imaginary world, but the feeling of being exposed beyond what he can do something about is what gets to him-

_"You know the drill."_

_He inhaled slowly. The drill. The drill was to strip and wait. Wait to be violated and hurt. He just wanted to get it over. That'd be fine as long as it was over fast…_

\-----

"Oi. Oiiiii, kid, wake up."

A voice filtered into his mind. He opened his eyes slowly. The male breathed out shakily.

"Hinata…? The fuck did you come from? Come on…", the guy didn't sound very old, maybe even around his age. He slipped his arms beneath his small, limp body and lifted him off the ground. "How long have you been out here for?"

Shouyo says nothing. Instead he just snuggles closer into the chest of the boy who picked him up. He sighs.

"Oi, 'tsumu, the hell is- oh...holy shit, no way!" Another nearly identical boy came around the corner. His eyes went wide. "No fuckin' way!"

" 'Samu, head inside and start running a bath. Now! Geez how the fuck did you end up here…?" The former setter friend down at him, carrying him inside. Although it's hard to see through narrowed eyes, the place looks nice. Modern and clean, even like a wealthy place, completely unlike their own apartments.

Atsumu set him down gently on the couch. "Where is everyone? Who did you come here with? Hinata? Hey, come on! Shit, did they-" he runs his hand over his arm until he feels the bruise.

"Damn…'Samu, are you fucking slow?!"

"No! Piss off!"

The blonde just sighs and rolls his eyes "You don't have to tell me what happened, I just need to know where I can find your friends. I heard about what happened to your senpai, is that why you let this happen? What were you hoping for?" Miya pressed.

Hinata sat up slowly, wincing. He pointed to the bruise on his head. Atsumu just sighs "...you hoped they'd just kill you instead of- why? You know what, don't answer that, where are the others?"

Shouyo looks around the room before holding up 5 fingers. Atsumu just sighs again and ruffles the middle blocker's hair.

"I'll have 'samu go get them. You're different from before. It's kinda sad to look at, but this world is damned rough now. I'm here to help, though!" He picked him up again and carried him to the bathroom. He put him down on his feet this time.

"You can do this on your own, right? Just assuming you wouldn't want me touching you. I'll be back in a bit with some clothes, so just...chill for a bit, okay?"

As told, Hinata waits for him to leave before stripping. Like the main room, it looked very nice in here as if left untouched by the current state of the country. He stares at himself in the mirror. At the bruises, the scars...at the stuff dried onto the back of his thighs.

Rather than think about it for too long, he sinks into the bath. He sinks lower, wondering if he could die. Instead of trying that, though, he looks at his hands. He stares at his dirty hands. The hands stained with the blood of a man he stabbed to death. His heart and mind begins to race The blood may leave his hands but will never leave his head. His throat feels like it's closing up.

Why couldn't Suga be here now? He'd hold him tightly and tell him it was going to be okay because he was going to make sure it was okay. And with that in mind he just started screaming. Screaming at the top of his lungs. Screaming at the top of his lungs and sobbing. Screaming and sobbing because what he needs is lost.

Arms wrap around him "Hinata- Hinata, calm down, please."

And he does. He leans against Atsumu's shoulder. He whimpers softly. He closes his eyes slowly and exhales shakily.

He's picked up again but this time his vision seems to blank. He blinks twice and he's back on the couch.

He tugs at the oversized hoodie.

"It's mine. Just for now until Osamu comes back with your friends. About what happened in the bathroom- you were...having a panic attack, weren't you?" Atsumu asks.

Shouyo hesitates before nodding his head. He hadn't had the Dissociative PTSD episodes like Kageyama or the flashbacks like Shibayama. His mind blocked it out completely and he hadn't felt affected by it much then after the first few days. But now ..but now it was different.

Now suddenly when he was separated from the people who calmed him down. Now that he was away from them, he was thinking about things too much. He was panicking. He was crying, screaming, and still didn't say a single word.

Speak if the devil, the door flies open "Hinata!" Kageyama appeared startling them, but he didn't mind. He reaches out his arms to accept the incoming hug. It was almost as if his injured shoulder suddenly didn't exist. The only thing that mattered was that he was in his arms again.

"Holy fuck, Osamu told me what happened, you dumbass! Walking out in the dark alone! Even after what those bastards did to us- you still did something stupid! God I hate you!" The ravenette snaps as he proceeds to kiss Shouyo's face.

"He started having a panic attack earlier, I calmed him down but I don't think it's passed fully. I'm glad he was smart enough for once to choose you," Atsumu says. "This is a damned mess…"

Kageyama seems to listen, but is promptly focused on him. His fast-heartbeat slows. His light head seems to return to the world of the living for a bit longer.

"Geez...you're such an idiot, Hinata! Those three you went out with were terrified, you know!? I thought Kenma was going to go outside and look for you in the damned rain!"

The rain? He suddenly notices that Kageyama is soaking wet and freezing cold. He was probably so focused on him just being here that he hadn't even noticed it. He just lays his head on Kageyama's good shoulder. With the comfort of Kageyama, he falls asleep instantly.

\-----

Comfort never lasted long anymore. He awoke with a start at the loud rumble and boom of thunder. He finds that not only is he in a bed, but he's no longer in Kageyama's arms. This alerts him quickly to sit up, looking around with panic flashing in his eyes. Shouyo relaxes a bit when he sees him sitting on the edge of the bed, but quickly crawls over to him when he notices his heaving shoulders.

When he finally finds himself in front of him, he realizes the problem. Kageyama was completely silent aside from his heavy breath. Tears ran down his face. He flinched and seemed to cry more when thunder sounded again, but other than that he appeared extremely out of it. What was he supposed to do? He needed Tadashi or Ennoshita or...Suga! He didn't know how to deal with the dissociation.

Quickly the middle blocker gets up off the bed before getting onto Kageyama's lap Instead, covering his ears with his hands. In the meantime he dug his nails into the side of his head light and then harder. Ground him slowly. Bring him back to reality. Touching helped ground, right? He finally noticed him blink a few times and emit a few sounds like he was getting his mind back and attempting to speak. He just let go of him and hugged him tightly. Slowly, his arms wrap around his small form, too.

"Hinata…" Tobio murmurs softly. Shouyo nuzzles closer into his chest. The raven-haired boy jumps at another crash of thunder. Shouyo looks up and grins.

"It's so weird with you being quiet. I...don't mind too much, though. You're still Hinata, even if this world has changed you."

_Thanks, Stupid Kageyama._

He said nothing, but that's what his expression said for him in the darkness.

**

"Tsukki...Tsukki listen to me it's okay-"

"Stop it, fucking stop talking, stop talking!"

"What happened?"

"It's the storm."

"But why?"

"The gunshots, remember!?"

"What are we supposed to do?"

"Stop fucking screaming for one!"

It was so loud. He could hear his heartbeat racing in his ears, saliva leaking out his open mouth as he pants and gasps for breath that won't come. His hands are cupped over his ears with another pair of hands over them, further muffling his own voice and the ones around him.

"Tsukki- Tsukki calm down, calm down!" Kuroo seemed to frantically be trying to get him to calm down, pulling him to his chest. "Listen to my heartbeat, okay? Just listen...who are you talking to?"

"Kuroo…"

"Who's next to you?"

"Uh- um-" the blonde shuts his eyes tightly, more tears falling as he tries to remember their sleeping arrangements, but all he can think about is his senpai hanging from the ceiling. He tries to think about the person beside him, then he hears-

"Tsukki!"

But it's not Kuroo's voice.

"T-Tadashi…"

"Right…Where are you right now?"

"I...I'm…" he thinks again on what this place was called, but he can only hear the creaking of the ceiling as a body hangs from it.

"It's not helping, what now?" Tadashi questions. Kuroo exhales. "Fine then, I'm gonna try something else...come on," Nekoma's captain slips his arm under his and pulls him to his feet, practically dragging him out the bedroom and into the main room. He sits Tsukishima down on the couch and this time, he kisses him while holding onto his cheeks.

"Just relax for me,"

"Kuroo-"

"Shh," Tetsuro hushed him, holding him tightly.

"You don't... really want to do this," Tsukishima muttered as his senses began gradually returning to him. Kuroo shakes his head "I do. I do love you, Tsukki. I'm in love with you, can't you see that?"

Kei pauses. He takes a deep breath and lightly pushes him away "I can't, I'm…I…"

"You're ashamed of what's under this shirt, aren't you? Don't be. You're stronger than a stupid eating disorder. You're cold and sarcastic…" he trails kisses down his neck. "A fucking badass no matter what you do...so don't let this get to you. You can cry all you want...but let me do this...just this once make you feel special… _all_ of you, Hotaru-kun…"

Tsukishima chuckles dryly and tilts his head back. "You're such a fucking idiot…"

"Well I'm smart enough that you completely forgot about the storm. So at least reward me for that?" Kuroo smirks against his skin.

"Fine, you stupid cat."

\-----

"We're back!" Kageyama shouts, literally kicking the door open as he holds Hinata in his arms. "Oh!"

Kuroo jumps up in surprise, his face turning redder than his team's Jersey. Kageyama just starts laughing hysterically.

"Shut up you moron!" Tsukishima grabs the couch pillow under his head and throws it at the setter's head.

"You sound like me," Kageyama shoots back.

"Speaking of which, where the fuck were you two?" Kuroo asks, pulling his sweatpants on.

"Oh, you know, the Miya twins and Sakusa's Boujee-looking house," Tobio replies calmly with a smirk. Tsukishima scoffed, sitting up a bit "How long has that word been a part of your vocabulary?"

"How long did you last last night?" Kageyama shoots back, making a nodding gesture at the blonde. Kuroo throws the pillow at him this time, "How dirty, Kageyama-chan!"

"It was good though! Ow!" Kageyama glares down at Hinata as he lightly hits his injured shoulder. Kei just rolls his eyes as he pulls his own pants back on. "What were you even doing there? You walked there in the rain and stayed all night, I'm sure you couldn't have done much different from us?" He teases. Hinata shrugs.

"Was that a yes?"

"No, we didn't do anything like what you did. I don't know if you noticed, but we don't exactly have an affinity for sex. Unlike you people-" Kageyama's eyes trail up behind the couch to where Yamaguchi had appeared. "We have no interest in fucking like rabbits."

"Can we not start an argument over something like this?" Tadashi tries to interrupt, but Tsukishima stands up and approaches Kageyama who has out Shouyo down.

"You're really not about to act like what you've been through is the worst of all of us? We've all been through hell!" Tsukishima hissed. Kageyama shoved him back with his good arm. "Right back at you! Why are you being such an asshole?"

"Same goes for you, what are you being so pissy for? Is the king back trying to steal a crown from where there isn't one?"

"Tsukishima-" Daichi starts warningly, but then-

"Maybe you could get close to even taking a crown if you had a little more meat on your bones," Tobio growled back. Tsukishima inhaled slowly.

"...Right," is all he says, shoving Kageyama and Shouyo apart and storming out the open door.

"Tsukki! Tsukki!" Kuroo tries to go after him, but Daichi holds out his arm in front of him to stop him. "Don't. Leave him be."

"I can't! Not unless you want him to end up like Suga!"

\-----

*

*

\-----

"How're they doing?"

"Breaking. Crumbling. That's what was supposed to happen, right?"

"Yes, yes of course. It was pretty clever of you to switch out what he had with a higher dosage."

"Ahh, Poor boy. He didn't deserve to die. You should've kept him around for fun."

"He was already considering suicide. It was just a matter of time before he slit his wrist."

"Yes, you're right...you've been doing a good job Akiko-chan. You know what to do next?"

"The little girl."

"Correct. She's the Hinata boy's little sister. Let's see what he'll do now that he's gone mute…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry. Love you guys.  
> ~Author-san


	9. Choices and food poisoning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Here, you have lives in your hands again, Shorty. " the woman moves to stand partially behind him, slipping the weapon into his free hand. "Your sister...or your closest friend and teammate. What's more important to you? Your distanced sibling, your own blood...or him?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not gonna lie, the slightly humorous title is to prepare you for what's to come.
> 
> Good luck as usual. Comments are highly appreciated, find extras on my Tumblr yakus-heart, and yeah that's it.  
> ~Author-san
> 
> Chapter warnings: More panic attacks, minor character death, suicide notes, somewhat minor injury.

"...So are we not going to talk about the big fuckin' elephant in the room?" Tanaka asked sarcastically, glancing over at Noya who was wolfing down a sandwich. He ate a bunch as a coping mechanism and it wasn't going well for him. He often just ended up vomiting after an hour or two, but that didn't stop him. He was fueled by depression and that wasn't going away anytime soon.

"I just want to know who took these pictures and thought it was funny, what is this?!" Daichi demanded, throwing the photos on the table. Kageyama and Shibayama were quick to look away, unable to stand the sight of someone else being treated like they had been. No one answered the question. The brunette slammed his palms on the table "You're awfully fidgety, Shibayama."

"You're showing him pictures of someone who's been violated when that's what he fears the most!" Inuoka argued, "Of course he's fidgety, he's nervous and scared! I've been unable to sit still properly ever since working in Tokyo. It never happened to me, but knowing that I was being watched by people who wanted to do that type of thing made me paranoid!"

"Fine. Kuroo?"

"Absolutely not, not after what happened to Kenma."

"What happened to Kenma?"

"That's very private," Kenma mumbled, twirling his hair around his index finger. Judging by the look on his face, he was trying his best to cope, but Kuroo knew it wasn't easy for him. Daichi continued to glare at the small blonde and he glared back. "You do realize what this is, right? We were sent a photo of Hinata's little sister tied up to a chair, and  _ several  _ photos of Oikawa tied up without clothing in a pretty unfortunate way. If it wasn't one of you, then, either way, we're in danger."

"How are we in danger?" Kuroo questions, getting up from his seat and beginning to massage Kozume's shoulders so he could relax. "The photos are just of people we know, but what would the point be?" He asked.

"To lure us," Kenma interrupts. "Whoever sent it is hurting them to hurt us. They want us to come to them to collect our friends. When we're there...I don't know what will happen, but do you want to find out?"

Shouyo looked pissed. Silent but pissed. It'd been forever since he'd seen his sister and he wanted to see her without thinking about much else. That was just how the boy's brain worked. Kageyama opened his mouth to say something, but Kenma hit one of his fists against the table lightly "Trick question: We don't. If we don't go to them, they'll come to us. We'll have a better chance of survival. Do you want to live or do you want to die?" He snapped back. The pain on his face was pretty obvious, considering Hinata had just broken his wrist two days ago. 

Kageyama sighed heavily, his dramatic noise attracting the attention of the others in the room.

_ "I'm sorry, though. I didn't mean to upset you like that. If anything I'm probably the most sheltered person in the world. Out of us at least. Everyone else has dealt with bullying, a failure like getting blocked, what you went through, extremely painful injuries, abuse-" _

_ "Abuse,?" _

_ "Ah, it's not my place, Kageyama. If they want you to know, you'll find out." _

"I have a question for you guys. It's a bit crazy but- were any of you...abused at home?"

He wasn't sure why the conversation had randomly popped up in his head, but he figured it was important. Suga had said that to him when he had upset him. A pregnant silence hangs in the group until finally,y two hands raised slowly and hesitantly.

_ Kenma. _

_ Yamaguchi. _

"Tadashi…" Tsukishima muttered. Kuroo said nothing in response to Kenma raising his hand. "What was the point of asking that?" He asked instead.

"I...Well I remember Suga bringing it up before when we were talking once, and I just wondered if...it could be relevant," the setter answered. He was pretty unsure of his own answer.

"One moment though- how come we never knew about this?" Ennoshita questioned as his attention switched over to Yamaguchi. The other first-year shuffled his feet with discomfort.

"I didn't want to tell anyone. If I told, I would probably have gotten hurt. That wasn't exactly the best outcome so I just... didn't," Tadashi shrugged rather calmly. It was likely that being in the situation he was in now had easily relaxed his nerves about his rough home life. Kageyama's whole personality was affected by his shitty house, was that why Yamaguchi was so unconfident?

"Anyway, I don't think that's important-"

"Or maybe it is…" Kenma interrupted. "My parents hated me for how I was. No one wants an anxious gamer kid who doesn't like people. Everyone wants a super social kid who's good at something. Without Kuroo I was nothing and probably wouldn't be anything. I think it's a mind game."

Kozume points to the gruesome images "I would've thought it weird otherwise, but now I think about it and that's not so weird. Let's just say…we've made it easy for our enemies to get the upper hand on us."

Uncertain murmurs rose in their small group, but no one spoke up, waiting for elaboration.

"We have multiple victims of sexual assault, multiple people with severe panic attacks and PTSD, multiple people who are still injured, and many of us are more attached to the hostages than others meaning it's much more likely that we'll split. We're weak, guys. Basically powerless. Avoiding this will only divide us more. We have to-"

"No," Daichi interrupted. "We won't be divided by something like this we're weak, yet still stronger than we seem and think we are. We can figure this out. We will  _ not  _ be divided by our relationships. Am I clear on this? I better be. We're indivisible."

another silence hangs in the tense air. Shouyo scoffs one minute and is heading out the door the next, the picture of his horrified sister clenched in his hand.

"Hinata, where are you going?" Daichi hissed sternly. The redhead paused and turned with a glare that could cut through a diamond.

Kageyama glances between the group and his friend. He sighs heavily. "I can't let him go alone. I may be a genius setter, but being smart doesn't matter when I have to decide who lives and dies."

"That makes no sense," Tsukishima scoffs.

"Ugh, you're so irritating! What I mean is that even if the smart option is not to go, it's also stupid to let Hinata go alone if he's going! So you know what? I'm going."

\----

It was still weird that Hinata didn't talk. The Hinata he knew would have yelled at and argued with Tsukishima. The conversation probably would've ended the same way, though. They remain in silence as they walk down the road together. After a good five minutes, Kageyama asks "Where the hell are we going?" To which Hinata turns to him and makes a setting motion with his hands. "Atsumu? Why? I thought-"

Shouyo shakes his head before he can finish talking. What do they need the twins for?

After about 15 minutes of nothing but the sounds of their footsteps and people in the distance, they come across the boujee-looking home from before. It looked normal from the outside but was much better on the inside. Much much better. To their surprise, someone else opens the door. A pale guy with bored eyes and fluffy, curly black hair. He stood there with his shirt open and pants seeming to be unzipped, but they didn't comment on that. Sakusa just rolled his eyes with a sigh and let them in, fixing his clothes in the meantime. 

Kageyama and Hinata exchange glances before walking in and shutting the door behind them. "We need to talk to you," Tobio said, approaching Atsumu who was sitting on the couch, now with Sakusa by his side.

"Then talk."

"We're being threatened, and I need to know where this is so we can go there." He held up the disturbing photo that made Sakusa hide his face into Atsumu's neck, but the blonde just raised an eyebrow. He plays with Kiyoomi's hair as he thinks, but before he can come up with an answer, Osamu appears with one.

"There's something like a whore house here, it's not too far, but it's in the more populated area. Looks like they're keeping your sister there since it wouldn't seem odd if people who went there noticed. Of course, they wouldn't do what you might be thinking, but you won't get in there easily. You'd have to know a worker or someone who goes there."

Hinata raises his eyebrow at him, but the Miya twin just scoffs "I know what you're thinking, and no, I'm not into that."

Kageyama crossed his arms "Well according to you, we need someone who is, so any ideas?" The setter asked impatiently. A part of him wondered how legal a place like that could be, but then again, they were in a war. Legal was the least of people's concerns. He stands up with an irritated scoff.

Sakusa glares at both twins individually and walks past them back to the front door. "Thank you, Omi-kun~!" Atsumu calls after them as Kageyama and Hinata follow him out. Sakusa gives him the finger and shuts the door. Then the walk of two apparent mutes and a normal person began. It was awkward because Kageyama felt like he should say something, but neither of them would say anything in response if he did.

"I know Hinata is selective mute, but...what about you?" He chooses as his one and only conversation topic. Kiyoomi's glances at him and then tugs his collar down slightly with a gloved hand. Similar to the scars some of his group possessed, two nasty scars run across his throat. Tobio shivers. The ravenette ahead of him just seems to shrug a bit as if he's gotten used to it by now. Well, he probably was to some extent. Hinata shivered.

Kageyama asked, "What happened?" Which only earned him another dirty look. He doesn't get an answer. Still probably wouldn't have, even if the other boy was capable of answering. As a result, he stops trying and they just walk in silence until they come across the least depressing-looking building he's seen since they left Miyagi. Not an exaggeration, either. The building had clearly been a similar type of shady place even before the disasters. It was black cracked concrete with relatively sexual illustrations painted on the outside. There were double doors and the glass doors were covered from the inside with what he could only assume was black paper.

Kiyoomi stays ahead of them, briefly turning to them and holding a finger to his lips as he opens the door while clearly trying to avoid touching the handle as much as possible. It's considerably darker than outside although dimly lit. To his surprise, a female approaches them with a smile. She's dressed in a dress that was shockingly modest for the kind of place they were in. Sakusa pulls something out of his back pocket and hands it to the woman whose eyes scan over it for a moment before she looks at the other two, her eyes studying them. She shoves the paper into her bra -or where one should be- and gestures for them to follow. As they walk, Kageyama glances up at Sakusa who doesn't follow but just nods at him. He hopes that it was a good thing.

"You two look like you've come a long way," the woman comments. Kageyama chuckles out of pure anxiety. "Yeah we uh...did."

"You sound like you came a long way," she then remarks to his dismay. He wasn't sure if she was referring to his tired voice or his northeastern Japanese dialect. This was considering that they've ended up relatively far north of where they came from. He just nods. Kageyama keeps his head down to avoid looking at the people around them. They passed by several doors, many of which were completely or somewhat open, and inside we're both hetero and homosexual pairs doing...whatever they enjoy. 

"How come he's so quiet?"

"He...went through a lot and even more recently."

"I guess seeing a successful suicide  _ and  _ getting raped can do that to you."

Kageyama stops.

" _What_?"

The woman turns to him, still smiling calmly. She almost looks confused. "Excuse me?"

"I mean...I mean what the fuck? How do you even know about all that?"

"You...really don't want to know. I know a lot, but that's not what you're here for. You're here for the little girl. Spitting image of her brother if I do say so myself. I bet she looks just like her mother as well."

Hinata takes a few steps forward a little too fast and Tobio holds his arm out in front of him. He doesn't have to say anything, but the smaller boy steps back. They keep walking, Kageyama with Hinata behind him. He didn't try to go ahead of him again, but his footsteps were obnoxiously angry-sounding. They reach a door at the end of a hall. The woman In front of it opens it with a key that makes the lock click.

A rush of footsteps approach from behind and his vision goes black before he can turn around.

\-----

_ My….head hurts… _

Hinata's eyes flutter open, not enough to see properly, but enough to realize that he wasn't where he had been before. He tries to lift his arm but is quick to realize that something is holding it in place. He blinks a couple times, lifting his head and looking around quickly when he hears shuffling from a few feet away. The boy's vision begins to clear, the blurry shapes and colors forming into proper objects.

_ Nat...su….Natsu? _

Shouto snaps his head up and sees the girl tied to a chair in front of him. She looks a bit taller than last time he saw her, but maybe it was the unruly hair and thinner body. So much different from the slightly chubby girl he was used to. He takes a step forward but quickly finds that not only are his legs very weak but his wrist is chained up.  _Is this a sex dungeon?_ Was his first question. The answer was  _ Probably  _ but that probably wasn't the purpose of it at the moment. The little girl kicks her feet aggressively, but her hands are tied out of sight behind her back. She was in some dark blue school uniform. Wearing white socks stained dark with dirt and no shoes.

The woman from earlier approaches him from off to the side. She has a gun in her hand. She's smiling. The kind of smile the executioner in Tokyo had. Was he about to get executed just like that girl was? No...if that was the case, they wouldn't have gone through the trouble of this. The lady is just out of his reach from where the chain is restricting him from moving further than his arm would let him reach. He wants to scream but no words come out of his mouth.

"Shhh…." The woman walks off out of his line of sight and returns with someone else. Kageyama. Again. Why does this happen? Of course, she was holding him by his injured arm. He seemed drugged and barely capable of walking. Wrists bound behind him and a cloth tied around the circumference of his head which covered his eyes. She lets the setter go and approaches him again. "I have a question for you…"

He keeps his mouth shut but glares into the eyes of this monstrous woman.

"Some of your friends are from Tokyo, right? The little ones, Shibayama and uh...Kozume, yeah? I know there's more, but those are the only two I'm curious about. Tags...say Nekoma high. Yeah? I was wondering if you knew what they were up to before you met up with them?"

Hinata stayed quiet.

"Shibayama was chosen for his small frame and submissive nature to essentially be a toy for soldiers. Kozume was pretty useless when he got here, but his friend refused to separate from him. We couldn't do much then, but we got evidence of them disobeying rules in Tokyo, and that's where we got 'em. They could legally separate them that way. Instead of executed, we did...something else. Made Kuroo watch. We made that boy relive the worst trauma of his life and his best friend watched." She paced around him calmly.

"No one likes a shut-in gamer boy who hates people. His father especially. According to his records, he was a victim of CSA. Poor baby, but oh well. Got what he deserved."

_ He didn't deserve any of that! No one deserves to go through what he'd been forced into, what Shiba had been forced into, what Kageyama had been forced into...it was sick and twisted. _

"Here, you have lives in your hands again, Shorty. " the woman moves to stand partially behind him, slipping the weapon into his free hand. "Your sister...or your closest friend and teammate. What's more important to you? Your distanced sibling, your own blood...or him?"

What kind of choice was this supposed to be? Was he supposed to choose who to shoot? How could he possibly…?

"It's simple. You know how to pull the trigger, don't you? You're good with weapons I hear. So pull it. Close your eyes and pull it. Otherwise, we'll be taking your friends back. Either way, we'll be moving you to a different part of the city to...keep an eye on you, okay?"

_ Taking them back?....No fucking way. _

He closes his eyes tightly. His finger tightened on the trigger.  _ I'm sorry….but I can't let them break them…. _

**_BANG!_ **

_ I wish there was something else I could do, but I have a new family now that I can't lose...you'll have mom...you keep her safe...and I'll do my part here. _

The struggling against a wooden chair stopped, but he didn't open his eyes to look. He didn't wanna look. But he has to open his eyes eventually. The image of his dead sister would be burned into his mind forever. He would let it. None of his memories of her we're that good anyway. Everything from Before had been pushed out and crowded by the past few months. Oh fucking well then.

Kageyama says nothing. Hinata says nothing. Oikawa says nothing. Sakusa says nothing. No one says anything. There weren't many things they  _ could  _ say after all that. It was impossible to think of anything good to talk about after witnessing an 11-year-old get shot in the head like a video game zombie.

\-----

"Oh come on, you can't be serious!"

"Shiba, calm down for a second! I can explain it!"

"You figured I wouldn't survive! You thought I wouldn't come back to you- so you- ugh, oh my God…" Yuuki paces back and forth, his whole body threatening to give out beneath weak knees. He was at a complete loss. He'd read about what happened in the file, but reading the real note made everything in his brain just crumble.

"You have no idea what it was like!"

"No idea what it was like? That's funny, for a second there I thought that maybe I was the one who crossed Tokyo barefoot in nothing but a jacket? Maybe my memory is just a bit fucked!"

Inuoka reached out to take his hand but he jerked away. No one had seen Shibayama anything but upset or calmly happy. This was new for them to see. "Don't touch me! I hate you…" he grips the paper tightly and tears it in half. "I hate you!" The libero storms out the room in tears, the door slamming hard enough to shake the walls. Yuuji travels down the apartment hallway, slipping into the stairwell and hiding beneath the stairs, out of sight from a tone who might use the stairs. There was no point since there was an elevator, though.

_ I didn't want this, but I don't know what else to do anymore. I'm alone, I'm lost without you. You'll find me eventually in some way, but I give up now instead of waiting indefinitely. If I'm dead, you can live or die not worrying about me. I don't want you worrying about me. You'll be fine. I love you. _

His vision is blurry from tears as he leans into the arms that grab him. "Hey, Yuuki, calm down…"

"Tadashi…"

"It's not your fault. It's not his fault. We've been on a long road, but we'll be okay. It's kind of scary for me. Everyone we're with has been through something horrible and I've just sorta been here. Asahi and I...we're the only ones who are really left unaffected. Daichi seems to be losing his mind. I don't know what to do, though. I've never been particularly helpful, but...I'll try to." The boy gently pets his hair slowly to calm him, but he can't stop crying.

"Let's go on a walk, how does that sound? That normally helps clear my head. Come on, get up," Yamaguchi stands up and pulls him to his feet. He drags him out the door with a grin. Ashamed of his puffy bloodshot eyes, he keeps his head down as they go down the street. Unfortunately, they don't get very far.

"Um, Yamaguchi,"

"It's been a while since we've seen you, Akiko. What's wrong?"

"This…" the brunette girl hands Tadashi a piece of paper. Although he doesn't look up, he can tell by the tensing of his body that Tadashi is concerned and probably unhappy. "I tried to convince them not to move you, but I couldn't, they don't listen! The authority here is so inconsiderate sometimes, I'm so sorry!"

"Calm down, I need to go show this to Daichi. Sorry, bye," quickly the other first-year turns on his heel and drags Shibayama behind him back into the building. The libero practically trips up the stairs behind him.

"What is it?" He asks, quickly running out of breath as they rushed up the stairs.

"They're kicking us out and transferring us to some other part of the city. They're just torturing us on purpose now it feels like!" The moment his voice peaks, his foot slips from beneath him. For a moment it feels like they were moving in slow motion. Why did things like this happen to them?

His hand slips out of Tadashi's grip and he falls back. It feels almost like he's flying. That is until his back hits the stairs. It feels numb, his vision blurring and dark on the edges. All he can see is a face with long brown hair and the dimly lit ceiling, just barely illuminated with the sun through a small window.

"That looked like it hurt," the girl says calmly, looking down at him.

"Yeah...it did…" he wants to say more, ask more questions, but his vision blacks out completely.

_ "Kuso...Damnit …" _

He can hear English words accompanied by a slow rhythmic beeping sound. His eyes flutter open and then shut again. Too bright, but he tries again, slowly this time. Where was he? He felt confused and disoriented. Why did he hear so many people speaking English? He tries to sit up slowly, but a clattering noise makes him pause. He jerks his wrist again. Handcuffs? He jerks his wrist harder. Definitely handcuffs. Why, though?

A young woman entered the room, and he instinctively scooted back as far as he could with his back pressed against the bed. She holds up her hands a bit as if to seem less threatening. It sounds like she's trying to calm him down, but it doesn't help that he was in a panic and couldn't translate in his head fast enough to calm himself. All he could understand ironically enough was  _ calm down .  _ He doesn't.

The woman who appears to be a nurse gives up on diplomacy and grabs his cuffed arm which he's come to realize is heavily bruised. "What happened? I don't remember…"

The nurse looks at him and then behind her. She shouts something and the most he can understand is the pronoun 'he'. He tried to be good at English, but a lot of his teammates only said stupid stuff, so he had few chances to practice. In any case, a needle pierces his skin.

"Chikara!" Finally, he can understand something she said. To his relief, Karasuno's wing spiker enters the small room. He waves her away dismissively, once again speaking English to her. He waits for her to -although reluctantly- leave before sitting down on the edge of the bed. "Calm down," he says, beginning to check his vitals. "The medical center's staff is very foreign. I've never experienced racism in my own country before," Ennoshita said lightheartedly. Yuuji just frowns, not appreciating the humor very much.

"Anyway, you're fine. You hit your head and broke your collarbone. The second person in our group to do that. Tadashi Is next door, he's still out cold. Broken nose, sprained ankle. You're lucky, you could've broken your back and that wouldn't have been very fun. You don't have to stay here, though."

"What's this for?" Yuuki asks sharply, tugging his wrist and causing the clattering of the cuffs again. Ennoshita just frowns.

"I'm better at speaking than reading, but I believe it's because of your record. They were concerned you would get aggressive or something. Not sure, that's beyond me."

"What's in the IV?"

"Unfortunately that's also beyond me. The proper names of medications are a bit too complex for me to read well. You'll be out of here once Yamaguchi is clear to go. We have to move to a different part of the city. It's a bit...less than where we are now. I don't know what it's like, but I want everyone to be safe."

\-----

"I don't like this."

"That almost sounds like it should be sarcasm."

"Why?"

"Because you're stating the obvious."

"Do you mind?" Daichi hissed sharply. He glared at the younger boys who simply chose to look away. They were confused. How were they supposed to respond to their leader now? The war had changed him in a way they could only hope was possible to reverse. Everyone stays quiet now. They let Daichi lead the way as Daichi always had. That hadn't changed, yet at the same time changes had happened that forced him to change. Forced them all to change.

This new place isn't an apartment but a small house all to themselves. The catch was that this section of the city was falling apart due to the earthquake that gave their enemies the chance to destroy their home. Everyone dropped their bags and made the best of it. No one had to share beds -although those who had in the apartment didn't mind the extra warmth and comfort- but it wouldn't matter much. Still feeling haunted, Hinata floors down on his stomach, shoving his face into the thankfully clean pillow. The mattress dips beside him, and he knows it's Kageyama because he recognizes how his hands feel against his arm. The hand of his setter.

"Sit up. Here, Terushima brought food from the dining hall," the raven-haired male holds half of a sandwich out to him and he takes a bite. His eyes light up and Kageyama laughs at him, leaning on his shoulder and resting his chin on top of the fluffy orange curls on Shouyo's head.

A moment of contentment turns into three hours of sleep. Unfortunately, Shouyo was woken rather unpleasantly. He sits up quickly with his hand over his mouth. He could hear the vomiting from the bathroom already. Ennoshita is pacing and looks the angriest he's ever seen him. Not only that, but he looks pale. Almost everyone does, actually. The doctor of their group says "Damn food poisoning...was this on purpose or is it just the conditions it was all made in…?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I can say is :3 sorry


	10. Grief Comes and Goes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He has nothing to say. No one does. What is there left to say when you've seen death so many times? In different forms, but all death regardless. What is there to say when just about a week or so ago, you yourself were ready to face death, too?  
> These are the questions that crossed his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have nothing to say for myself anymore. You know the drill. Comments appreciated extra stuff on my tumbler Yakus-heart, questions, and suggestions about the fic or me on there are also appreciated. 
> 
> Our only tags for this are depression talk, Interrupted suicide attempt(you'll get it when you get there), and character death. Oops
> 
> Also, cover art, yay.

"Oh come on, don't blame me! It wasn't my fault, I didn't know!" Terushima cried, his voice cracking a bit. "If I brought anything in from the other part of the city I'd get in trouble. I'm sorry okay? I'm sorry…"

"Okay, calm down," Daichi puts his hand on his shoulder. "Do you know what it is? What caused the poisoning?"

The soldier shook his head "I don't know, there's so much shit that could've contaminated the food." He sighed. Ennoshita frowns from where he stands behind Daichi, glancing back into the room of teens. Everyone was miserable, both the sick ones and the healthier ones. He saw a room of children. He could list where everyone got their scars. He could list every scar they had and where it came from. He could pick up on every little tell that someone had been hurting themselves. He could see every sign that another one of them was thinking about ending their life. Suga would be proud of these abilities, but unfortunately, these abilities couldn't help his senpai until it was too late to save him. 

Nishinoya was a compulsive eater while Tsukishima would rather starve himself. Hinata goes quiet while all Tanaka can do to stay sane is talk. Tadashi finds his comfort in comforting others while Kageyama needs physical contact -he's constantly holding onto Hinata-. Suga had...smiled through it. Until the end. Kuroo smokes and Daichi...finds alcohol. Ennoshita had been too busy to notice it before, but he found a rather inconspicuous bottle in the captain's bag that smelled terribly like alcohol. He hadn't confronted him and they hadn't talked about it, but when the third-year noticed it was gone, he seemed to take the hint. It was almost impressive how the influence cleared his mind just as much as it fogged it. Made him irritable and agitated, combined with the stress that made him resort to it. It created a monster out of him. 

As if sensing his thoughts, Sawamura shot him a look. He looked away and continued to study their friends. It was pathetic to see a bunch of amazing, athletic- with the slight exception of Kenma- students in a state like this. Hinata, Tsukishima, and Kenma were all sick. Tora was sicker, and Nishinoya was _really_ sick. As expected, he ate more than the others and it put him in a pitiful and miserable state. Even through his depression, he was energetic and talkative. Now he was constantly vomiting with a fever higher than Kageyama and Tsukishima had gotten when they were sick. The only one with a fever that bad had been Oikawa. It seemed like he'd recovered well, but he would still have to tend to the bandages and wounds. Being in these conditions was the worst for that. Either way, he didn't want to stand around in Daichi's shadow. He approaches the side of Noya's bed, placing the back of his hand to his forehead.

"Still burning up…" he muttered to himself. Even if he had been talking to the boy, he'd been pretty much unresponsive since the early hours of the morning. Tanka shuffled beside him with a frown. The thing about poison is that your body tries as hard as it can to get rid of it. The ones who had eaten only a little or hand realized something was off with the taste had either spit it out then or threw up once. Although Chikara was highly concerned for the well being of Nishinoya, he was a bit more worried about Tsukishima. After all, his body had already been lacking much more than the rest in terms of the necessary nutrients that they would get from food. If anyone had the highest chance of not making it through, it would be him.

"Hey, senpai," Kageyama approached from the side with a frown on his face, not like there was much to smile about. Ennoshita simply tilted his head, prompting him to continue. "I was just wondering about something. A medical-psychological-ish something? I'm not really sure how to put it-"

"Kageyama," the second-year said firmly. "What do you want?"

He had visibly shaken the younger teen to the core. "I was wondering how or why that medication did what it did. Made him...when it was supposed to fix it." Tobio asks slowly. He takes a half-step back when he notices the seriousness of Ennoshita's face. He just takes a deep breath.

"It fixes the chemical imbalances in your brain that cause depression and euphoria. There's downtime when it starts to fix one chemical and another. That's when it happens."

"Um…"

Ennoshita stood up, trying to come up with a comparison that his kouhai could comprehend without giving them both a headache. "Okay, Imagine you're trying to create a new attack. You and Hinata are out of sync and it makes it suck,"

He could hear Hinata giggle quietly nearby.

"You both improve at different speeds and it makes it suck more until you're both at the skill level to make it work. In that period of time that It gets worse, it frustrates you and makes you want to stop trying. But you get it right eventually and it makes you happy. Does that...make sense at all?"

Kageyama passes before nodding a bit.

"Good. So in this...scenario, you would represent dopamine and Hinata serotonin. What you're trying to achieve is balance. That point where you would get worse would be the downtime when Suga killed himself. When you finally achieve the new attack, that would be-"

"Happiness…" Kageyama finishes. He nods. The setter leans his head on his shoulder and his body starts to tremble with soft cries. He hugs him. Suga tried to achieve balance, but he lost. Hopefully, the afterlife had people who would benefit from his motherly tendencies.

"Can you tell me why you asked?" He kept his voice even lower to ensure that only he would hear the question. The setter stayed quiet at first as if contemplating what he wanted to say. In the end, he answers "I was wondering if they...would make things easier."

"What things?"

No response. That was all the answer he needed to get. What was he supposed to do? Suga would probably know. They never had to deal with this type of thing before. It was here that he came to a painful realization. The big wish in all of their heads was _I want this to be over already_ and he knew that because he was thinking it too. With that thought came the fleeting idea or question of if he could just end the endless suffering, but subconsciously knew that it was impossible unless he wanted to throw away his life with it. 

They were all considering it more and more each day. Even he had thought about it in the beginning. His grip tightened. Somehow, Kageyama appears to relax. Holding him tighter probably made him feel safer. His eyes wander to the others in the room. Hinata looked distant. He was contemplating it. A distressed Kenma fidgets with his hair and scratches his wrists. He was anxiously contemplating it. Shibayama and Inuoka we're quiet, both thinking about it. Kageyama was right here. He was thinking about it even more. Then there was himself.

"Can everyone stop thinking about dying for a day, please?! We've barely just gotten over one, I can't do this again!" He releases the first-year and is quickly out the door before he can break down. He walks around to the side of the building, not caring how much his body shook or how many big ugly tears traveled down his cheeks. What was so nice about hurting yourself? What was the point? Why would you leave so many scars for temporary relief...

When you can just have it permanently?

He rolls up his sleeve, looking down at his slightly dirty but otherwise undamaged skin. He was the only one. The only one who was completely clean, yet here he was pulling a knife out of his jacket pocket. The same one… _he_ used. The blade is cold against his skin as his arm trembles and heart rate shoots through the roof. This wasn't an act of too many antidepressants. This was an act of confusion and fear.

Tadashi was thinking about it, Hinata was thinking about it, and so was Kenma, Kageyama, Shibayama, and Tsukishima. Then there was himself. He was thinking about it the most. A hand grabs his wrist.

"Drop it, Kid."

He doesn't look up, unwilling to lose his nerve to some person who caught him. "Get off of me, leave me alone!"

The male tugs slightly on his arm and he reluctantly releases the weapon and lifts his head. He pauses. He wanted to do it so badly. But he couldn't. Strong arms pull him into a tight hug and the man kicks the knife away.

"Coach-"

"What were you thinking? What were you trying to do just now, are you crazy? How did you end up all the way here?" Ukai gently pushes him away and has him by his shoulders. Then he breaks.

"Someone- some group is after us. We had to leave the school!"

"I told you I'd be back for you."

"I know, but we couldn't!" Ennoshita felt like he was sobbing and crying like a four-year-old. "If we didn't leave, they probably would've robbed and raped us all!"

"Robbed and what?"

"So we had to leave and we ended up in Utsunomiya but we left for Tokyo and they tried to kill Noya and Tsukishima and they shot Kageyama, and they got sick and we ended up in the upper part of this city and Suga...S-Suga….Then we got here and got food poisoning and now- and now- and I- I- I wanna go home!" He practically wailed, furiously rubbing at his eyes to wipe his tears away. Ukai frowns at him with furrowed eyebrows.

"Alright alright. Let's go inside, just be quiet for now, it's not your fault."

\-----

This was depressing. The kids were all much too exhausted and miserable to be excited. These kids had all been energetic, competitive athletes a few months ago. They were barely just shells of their old selves now. They weren't in a condition where they could play right now, anyway. It was pitiful, to say the least. The coach sighed. "I need you guys to listen. I'm going to ask something of you that's very important for your survival. For all of us. Don't mind your reputations because this place won't be standing soon. In the upper part of the city where you were before, they have radios. Two more attacks on Japan. Unless you want to get killed, I suggest you listen." Everyone stays quiet.

"I want you all to steal. We won't be packing light. It's gonna be really cold. It's not called the rainy city for no reason. And Yuki no Machi is no better. Snow and ice. But that's the direction we're headed. The real military. It's much more similar to what was happening in Miyagi in the beginning. You're all efficient in different areas. Make a list and get as much as possible. If anything happens, I'm behind you."

"Is this safe?"

"Not at all."

\-----

"Do I have to?" Tadashi murmured. He was thoroughly concerned. He didn't like the idea of stealing. He didn't want the thrill of it, he just wanted the safety it would give them when it was over. Ennoshita nudged his arm lightly.

"Relax. Don't look suspicious. I'll fix you up when we get back. Ready?"

"No.."

"3...2…."

Tadashi let out the loudest scream he has ever since Suga died. Ennoshita slips back into the closet, opening his bookbag and shoving everything he could inside. Bandages, alcohol, IV solutions and tubing, syringes...anything. Everything. Until it was hardly light enough for him to carry. He slings the bag over his shoulder, clicking the lock and opening it just enough to see outside. He darts out, separating Tadashi from two agitated nurses, taking him by the hand and running as fast as he can with a full bag and another person behind him. He trips over his feet to get out the door, but for some reason, he smiles. It's dangerous, but yet he hasn't felt this exhilarated in months. It felt almost like being on the court again. The same thrill, more risk.

\-----

"Get- off of me!" Nishinoya kicked and screamed, scratching at the arm that held him to the wall. A hand had skid beneath his shirt, but he was too determined to keep his hand on the bag. It made his shoulder sore, but he wasn't letting go. An arm wrapped around the neck of the man while another pulled a knife around.

"Beg for your life or let him go…"

"You're just a kid, what're you gonna do?"

Within the next five seconds, blood poured down his neck. Noya dropped the 5 inches back down to the floor and so does the now dead cashier. He swallowed thickly his chest heaving. Tanaka tugged on his sleeve urging him to move. With no choice, he jumped over the body and ran behind his friend.

"You killed him."

"So what?"

"Yeah, so what?" Taketora interrupted, coming up beside them. The libero went quiet. He didn't like that. It made his stomach churn more than the food poisoning had. He wasn't exactly impressed with having to run around right after recovering from that. The amount of adrenaline in his body was something he hadn't felt in far too long now. One month had been too long for him, but now four? Way too long. He trips over his feet but Tora catches him by the loop on his bag. He pulls away and goes ahead. His sneakers feel louder than they should be on the concrete, but maybe that was just his imagination making everything feel more dramatic. He bursts into the houses throwing the bag onto the floor. His head was spinning and he could feel his breakfast threatening to come back up his throat.

"Don't throw up now, we're gonna have people on our tail in ten minutes flat!" Tanaka hissed, pulling on his arm. "Get off- get off I'm gonna be sick-"

"We just came for the last of our stuff, we have to _go !_ "

"I can't _go_ anywhere!"

"Then I'll leave you if you can't run!"

"No, you won't." It wasn't Yu who said this. Takeda scooped the small teen up off his feet to carry him instead. Ukai had brought him over late in the previous night. "And we'll be talking about your willingness to leave your sick friend behind when we're not on the run. Am I understood?"

"Yes, Sensei…"

"Now let's go!" He nods his head toward the door and they quickly slip out. On the run again. They hardly sit still for long. Always moving. Happiness only lasts so long. Yu groans softly. The gate. Their last obstacle was the gate. A gate guarded by men with guns. Rifles pointed at their face.

_**Bang bang!** _

_**Bang bang!** _

But to their fortune, someone had a gun on their side, too. Tora had an unnatural ability to shoot without a problem. He'd done it before, he knew that, but still...it freaked him out a bit. It was like he and Tanaka were tired of seeing death but executed it themselves to prevent it. Technically the mindset made sense. Making sense didn't make it better. For him, it only made it worse. Ukai and Takeda knew everything. Or really...almost everything. They weren't yet told of the reason behind Suga's absence. They'd find out soon enough.

The thing about the gate was that the people on the other side could be taken care of. The alarm that sounded following their departure was startling, to say the least. Those moments where panic and fear and also excitement set in were great. The cause of this set of feelings was less than great. Kageyama. Frozen after the sound of gunshots. Too big to pick up, too out of it to pull by the hand. They didn't have time for grounding right now. They wouldn't have time for anything until these people were off their asses. Is it possible to outrun men with guns with someone who wouldn't move? Sure, if you drag and choke him by his shirt for long enough.

Nishinoya wondered what they were in the middle of. When he looked up and saw a bullet pierce Shirabu's head and splatter blood on his friend…when he heard metal break bone and make Akiteru collapse with a bullet in his skull. Inuoka stumbles when a bullet hits his leg. A serious limp is caused, but he did like hell anyway. He'd feel it later, of course. He felt guilty about being in someone's arms when two people were just murdered and another shot. It sounded like they gave up on killing them, but that didn't make them stop.

\-----

Like every day, darkness came. With that darkness came the cold. With the cold came the exhaustion that they'd been fighting off for hours. Finally, Inuoka trips, and if his leg wasn't broken before, it was now. This was the point where everyone gave in. Tsukishima and Kuroo sit with their backs against one of the many surrounding trees. Kenma settles in Kuroo's lap. The others find themselves a person to snuggle up to. He ends up with Asahi. The ace is quiet, probably trying to process the events that had occurred while in the car. They just saw a lot. Coach knocked Goshiki unconscious so that he'd quiet down. Tsukishima was just dead quiet. Kuroo just held onto him and waited for reality to hit.

Everyone tries to ignore the crying of Tsukki and the soft sobbing of a barely conscious Tsutomu. Saying anything felt pointless at this stage. They were practically deaf in a way right now. Better left alone as words probably wouldn't reach them at all anyway. Either way, no one had much to say. Shibayama has his knees pulled to his chest, mumbling "I want to go home, please take me home, I wanna go home…" while Yamamoto had to cover Inuoka's mouth to keep him from screaming too loudly when the bone was snapped back into place with a sickening crack. Noya gags.

Asahi exhales, his breath coming out as a puff of white frost. Noya looks up and the older boy ruffles his hair gently. "What's up, Noya?"

"Nothing, it's just... I didn't think it would be so cold. We only ran for a bit and walked until dark. It was still morning when we left. Can the weather change this much in such a pretty short distance?"

"You have to remember the damage the earthquake and bombs caused. We don't know what was in those things that could've altered the weather patterns. Radiation for one. We're somewhere in between where two of the bombs dropped, " Kuroo interjects. "Plus it's like the 21st of November. It's only been about a week and a half since...well, you know."

They all knew. Hinata whimpered and huddled closer to Kageyama. Noya huddled closer to Asahi. It wasn't nearly as cold as It could be, but he didn't like it anyway. The jackets they had were hardly enough to keep them warm. Slowly, Hinata stood up, rubbing his arms. He points off in another direction, probably to take a walk, hoping moving would warm him up. Nishinoya jumps up "Wait for me," he mumbled, hurrying after the small first year. He would usually expect someone to say 'be careful' but that was obvious for the woods in the dark. Yu held onto Hinata's hood, blinking his eyes to adjust to the changing lighting.

Within a few minutes, they step out of the woods, the moonlight reflecting off the water.

"Where is this?" Noya asked, half to himself. Shouyo walks a bit ahead of him, his shaky breath leaving his mouth as a white cloud. The redhead crouches down, feeling around. He only hears him gasp and sees him disappear until his body hits the water. Neither of them yells. Nishinoya reaches into the water, feeling around until fabric slips beneath his fingertips, allowing him to grab him by his jacket and pull. Shouyo gasps again and coughs as he slides onto the dirt. It was so dark it was hard to see the ground beneath them. Of course, he'd fall into the water in the bitch cold. Someone must have heard the water because Kageyama runs up behind them. He touches Hinata's cheek and then pulls his hand back. "Cold…" he muttered. He was right. Tobio picked him up and Noya followed, but not without tripping over a couple rocks and sticks.

"What happened?" Ukai asked the moment they came into view.

"Shouyo fell into water!" Yu exclaimed. Although making out his expression was difficult, he obviously wasn't very pleased. He probably intended on scolding them both later, but for now, he ordered Kageyama to get the wet clothes off and hide him in his jacket which surprisingly could actually fit them both. All they could do was wait until morning and hope for the best.

\-----

The morning didn't bring the best. Who the hell could've guessed? Hinata seemed shaken and tired, but he was awake. Inuoka on the other hand was a bit annoying to deal with, but it made sense. His leg had finally stopped bleeding but it seemed like no pain killer Ennoshita had picked up could keep it at bay as it should. He had medication in IV bags, but they were useless out here as far as he was concerned. They'd need to find a house that wasn't completely crumbling to the ground. Everyone was completely spent. No one had gotten much sleep. It was unfortunate but it didn't matter much right now. Their main priority was keeping the injured ones alive. Even despite the morning sun, it had done little to warm up the day. It was maybe 50° and Hinata's clothes hadn't dried overnight because of it. He was walking in the cold in cold and damp clothes. Despite protest from Ennoshita and Hinata himself, Kageyama had given him his jacket not that it did much. It seemed like he was barely holding on right now, his pale skin appearing freckled but completely white with the tip of his nose and cheeks turning pink.

"I'm gonna freeze to death out here…" Tsukishima complained. With his lack of proper fat or muscle, the cold seeped into his bones. It's similar for the smaller boys who have more petite frames. Goshiki has been crying off and on for the last hour. Shibayama has been crying almost non-stop. Tsukki was silent. For some of them, crying was all they could do, while for others, they had no energy left to cry.

"You look like hell, Kageyama," Tanaka remarks.

He scoffs "Don't we all? I just had a nightmare and couldn't go back to sleep last night. Not to mention I'm fucking cold" Kageyama glares at Ryuunosuke who shrinks back a bit. "Geez, I was just trying to make it less depressing!"

"Make _what_ less depressing? Our lives are fucking depressing and there's not much we can do about it! We literally have people in our group dying and you want to make it less depressing?!"

"Kageyama, chill out!" Daichi snapped.

"I'm already pretty chill in below forty-degrees in the middle of November!"

"Then maybe put your own jacket back on and use Hinata to warm up, and maybe then at least one of us can sleep!"

"If I do that, He won't wake up!" Tobio winced, hearing his own voice crack. Everyone simultaneously froze. Daichi scoffed "We don't need your pessimism right now."

"He's not just being pessimistic-" Ennoshita attempts to interject, but Daichi pushes him back when he steps forward. He stumbled back and got caught by Asahi. No one knows what to do. Kageyama sighs. Hinata is completely dazed beside him. His chest hardly seems to move when he breathes, swallowed up in the large jacket. He hardly picks his feet up from the ground when he walks. Kageyama isn't sure how long he can go like this. Ennoshita, now filled with a newfound agitation, approaches Daichi "If Hinata goes to sleep, he might not wake up. Hypothermia makes you lethargic, he'll fall asleep and will stay asleep until he either gets his body temperature up or freezes to death! Inuoka, Tsukishima, Kageyama, and Hinata are fucking _freezing_ to death, and the way we're going, the rest of us will too!"

"Calm down…" Asahi mumbled. Kageyama stayed quiet. Hinata looked up at him. His eyes were clouded but his expression was laced with fear. He already looked frozen to death in his opinion. Feeling sympathetic for the small middle blocker, he quite literally sweeps him up off of his feet and begins to carry him instead. Shouyo shifts slightly in his arms and quickly falls asleep. While he worries about the possibility of him not waking up, there are other things to focus on right now. Such as where the actual fuck they were going.

"It feels like we're getting nowhere!" Tanaka complains, exhaling into his hands to warm them up with his breath. Shibayama and Goshiki just simultaneously groan. Coach frowns at them from where he stands at the front of their group. "Sorry, but it's just the woods. We have to stay out of the residential areas over here as much as we can. That's where they would be patrolling the most. Once we get over the bridge we can find a place to rest and finally get some sleep. I assure you that you'll be fine." He tries to assure them. No one felt assured.

He seems to give up and just keep walking instead. There wasn't much to say at this point. One thought that continued to replay in his mind was all the bodies they'd left behind. Suga...Aki, Shirabu, Natsu. Not even to mention the ones buried back home. How many times would they have to do this? How many dead bodies would they have to see and leave behind?

As if to mock him, the sky came into view as they exited the woods to get to a place where they could get onto the bridge. It suddenly reeked of flesh. Tsukishima vomits almost instantaneously. Shibayama starts crying, his voice becoming raspy and hoarse at this point. As they get closer to the bridge that was part of the highway, it becomes too clear. The bodies hanging upside down. What was this? Some sort of warning?

"Just ignore it, we have no choice right now," Daichi hissed. Suddenly Hinata flinches with a quiet squeak. He whimpers. Kageyama tilts his head before looking up, blinking as white specks infiltrated his eyes. Everyone followed his lead, looking up at the sky. The feeling of freezing water against his cheeks makes him shiver. The snow falls at a somewhat quick and steady pace. They could've probably continued, but nobody was up to it. It was logical to prefer walking through snow than a possible blizzard. No one spoke, and instead just began walking towards the houses that weren't too far away.

The ruins of homes were depressing to look at compared to what they once probably were. Everyone who wasn't deliriously tired was on high alert. The actual adults began to search the closest homes. It took about 20 minutes for them to find one that they could get into that wasn't occupied by the dead.

"Ready? 3...2...1-" Ukai and Asahi ram the door with their shoulders. It flies open, but the ace trips over something, moving out of the way just in time to see at least five glass bottles shatter on the floor, having dropped from the ceiling. This is followed by the familiar click of a gun in their faces.

"Move back!"

"Woah, hold on, Kid," Ukai quickly steps back and pulls a frightened Asahi along with him. "Put the gun down, what are you doing here? Alone?"

"I-I'm not alone, and I could ask you the same thing!" He moves a bit closer, his hands not even faltering. It was hard to pick out any defining details of the guy's face, other than the fact that he looked both terrified and utterly pissed. His hair and face were covered and shadowed by a hoodie.

"We came from that place in Nagoya, okay? We were just trying to wait out the snow," although his tone is naturally aggressive sometimes, Ukai is trying his best to be diplomatic. The guy takes a couple steps back and lowers the weapon. He mumbles something that the two at the front seem to catch but no one else does. Regardless, they were let inside. The temperature is barely any better, but at least they weren't out in the impending snow.

"The temperature will keep dropping, it always does. You can try to start a fire, but I can't guarantee it helping much. You'd be more comfortable up in the loft area, just...leave my friend alone…" the guy walks off to another room and shuts the door behind him. The group all stands frozen in confusion before most of them head up the stairs. It appears pretty comfy and cozy but still very cold. Kageyama notices someone sleeping in the corner inside an open tent. He couldn't see their face, but he left them alone. Instead, he focused on Hinata, putting him down on top of a blanket. He's out cold. They all stay pretty close to each other, not willing to disobey the guy who let them in.

"That trap was pretty cool," Nishinoya mumbled, fumbling with his hair. He then mumbled even quieter "I should've asked Terushima to cut it…" Asahi shrugged. Out of a bun, his hair had grown past his shoulder. Even Tanaka's hair had grown quite a bit, which he didn't seem the happiest about.

"We look rough," Kageyama sighed, flopping down on the blankets. He holds Hinata close to his chest. He'd stopped shivering. Ennoshita crouches beside them, pinching the side of the smaller boy's neck. He doesn't react. He pinches his face and wrist. Still nothing. He frowns. "What's with that look on your face?"

"His temperature is getting dangerously low. He's not even shivering anymore. I hope he makes it through the night…"

"He will," Kageyama hissed. Chikara just frowns and nods. "Somebody won't…" he muttered. It sounded like the freaky foreshadowing you'd hear in a horror movie. After a moment the second-year stands and leaves to tend to the other two boys at risk, Tsukishima who had also passed out, and Inuoka who was still awake but in very bad shape. They all stayed relatively quiet, some murmuring amongst each other while some tried to sleep despite the wing that was beginning to pick up outside. The guy was right on that the temperature was still dropping. It felt like he could feel every single degree dropping away. Even inside he can still see his breath. 

A few feet away, Shibayama nearly jumps out of his skin when the tent moves a bit. Tadashi just chuckles softly and tells him to relax. From the tent, a boy emerges. It's hard to make out any details since it got dark quickly thanks to the snow. It's unclear if he noticed them or not, but they get completely ignored regardless. He looked about Kenma's height and seemed to struggle with walking, grabbing crutches from against the wall. He doesn't even spare the group a glance before heading down the stairs to the first floor. When his footsteps had gone, Nishinoya jumped up and hurried to the tent, starting to look through whatever was in there. "What the hell are you doing?" Daichi hissed. No answer.

Yu backs out of the tent and holds up his findings. A mostly white track jacket with _Fukurodani_ printed on the back. No one said anything. "So this means that the guy downstairs is…"

"What are you doing?" The small boy had somehow returned without them noticing. Noya froze. The boy leans the crutches up against the wall and reaches over and hits a switch. A light flicks on overhead, appearing to be powered by a battery.

"...You wouldn't believe it if you could see it, Kenma…" Kuroo mumbled. Kenma raised an eyebrow. "What? Come on, don't be like that, Kuroo."

Nekoma's captain stands up, pulling Kenma with him. A bit nervous, Kozume reaches out his hand and touches the boy's hair. He pauses. He runs his hand a bit further down. The other boy smiles faintly and Kenma inhales sharply. He quickly pulls away from Kuroo and wraps his arms around the other boy.

"Yaku!"

"Hey, Kenma…" the libero hugs him tightly. "Careful, I hurt a lot of my bones." He smiles, playing with Kenma's long hair. Kuroo just grins. Shibayama and Yamamoto jump up and join in. Inuoka sat up, but he wasn't able to do anything but grin at his teammates.

"Wait, so downstairs is…" Yamamoto mumbled.

Yaku nodded "Bokuto."

"Why is he so…"

"Weird? A lot of shit happened. We were taken to Nagoya. They were trying to get Bokuto into their military group and fuckin' broke his mind. It's because of me. I got badly hurt in the bus crash and needed surgery. The scars are disgusting, but I'm alive. We both are. It doesn't surprise me that he didn't recognize you. He's been completely out of it ever since. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, you're okay, but...what are you doing _here ?"_

"We were waiting for my legs to heal more before trying to cross the bridge. Now you guys are here and an attack is coming soon. We never get breaks anymore, do we?" Morisuke chuckles lightly and shakes his head "How about we all get some sleep for now? Bokuto should have a clearer head by tomorrow. Too bad you don't have Akaashi with you, that would help. But anyway we can see if the bridge is crossable whenever the storm stops. Deal? Good."

\-----

Ennoshita woke up around 8 a.m., surprised that he slept through the whole night. The chill in his bones made him reluctant to move, but he had to check on the others. Hinata shifts a bit beside Kageyama, his breathing shallow but he could still see the faint puffs of white from both. Tsukki seemed to be gradually becoming more aware again. And Inuoka...he touches down to him and presses the back of his hand to his cheek, recoiling at the cold. He lowers his hand to his chest and feels nothing, but just hopes it's shallow like Hinata's. He presses two fingers against the side of his neck. All he does is sigh and Yamamoto shoves a blanket in Shibayama's mouth to keep him from waking up everyone in this God-forsaken place. He has nothing to say. No one does. What is there left to say when you've seen death so many times? In different forms, but all death regardless. What is there to say when just about a week or so ago, you yourself were ready to face death, too?

These are the questions that crossed his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again- oops.
> 
> Random question- I still have several chapters of Indivisible to go, but what would y'all like to see after this? I enjoy writing these apocalypse scenarios so I was intending on creating a zombie apocalypse next, inspired by The last of us. Let me know what you think. Would you want to see that? What else would you like to maybe see?
> 
> Comments are fine but I can keep track of it better on Tumblr which I keep repeating. Anyway, see you next week maybe
> 
> ~Authour-san


	11. Black Ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ukai looks surprised for a moment, but he just frowns. "And left nothing behind?"  
> "I don't…" Noya started but paused whenDaichi pulled something out of his pocket. To everyone's surprise, Asahi is the one who shouts "That's such a bastard thing to do, what's wrong with you?!" He cries. Daichi steps back.  
> "You saw what we were all going through and you kept it from us! You knew several of us we were considering it too and yet you kept our only bit of closure away from us!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took a bit longer than I wish, but ya knows the holidays. Anyways, here's a chapter. Starts off a bit light and gets heavier. It's a bit shorter than I wanted it but I didn't want to drag it out too much either.
> 
> You know the drill: I like reading and responding to questions and comments, it makes me happy and motivated. Tumblr Yakus-heart
> 
> ALSO I'll be beginning to work on Hell is in Highwater, a zombie apocalypse fic! I'm already having fun with it, so entertain my absurdity as I work on the first chapter. It ofc will start while Indivisible is still ongoing but will probably still be continuing once this is over. It depends.
> 
> Warnings: flashbacks + attempted suicide

"Be careful you dumb kids!"  
"Right! Oikawa's our setter!"  
"Who said you get to pick?!"  
"Too late, already did, your serve!"  
Takeda surprised them with a volleyball he found in a house nearby. Of course, everyone got excited and didn't account for all the snow that had fallen through the night.   
"Chance ball!"  
"Nishinoya!"  
"Got it!"  
Or not. The ball bounces back off of his wrists, and he steps back to regain his balance, and his foot slips right out from beneath him. He winces as he hits the ground, feeling no pain, just his arm going numb.   
"N-Nishinoya!" Asahi cried.  
"I really wish you people would stop breaking your bones!"  
"Oh, Ha-ha, very funny, screw you."  
"What am I ever going to do with you…" Ukai sighs, shaking his head but he can't help but chuckle. Daichi cracked a little smile "This isn't the first time he stupidly broke a bone."  
"Shut up about that!" Yu huffed, wincing as Ennoshita inspected his arm. Tanaka laughed too, seemingly figuring that it was time to playfully bully his friend. "In our first year, he broke his nose and his wrist!"  
"How did he manage that?!" Ukai questioned, both concerned and surprised.  
"It was Asahi's fault!"  
"H-Hey, don't blame me! Even after that happened, you still keep jumping in front of my spikes and serves at practice!"  
Hinata giggles, the color has returned somewhat to his pale skin, although he still didn't speak. For a moment. Just a single moment. For just a moment, they're high school volleyball players. Then they're pathetic children again when Yaku limps off of the space that was cleared for their "court". His kouhai libero jumps in with the speed but not the enthusiasm of a real practice game. He doesn't look like he wants to play, and he probably doesn't, but he does.  
Noya stands up, slipping a bit on the ice again but regains his balance this time. He sits on the stairs at the front of the house, watching the others use a ratted old net tied between two trees across the road. Black ice was everywhere, and almost everyone slipped a few times, but he'd been the first one to fall. Tsukishima's blocks were weaker. Goshiki couldn't spike like a future ace right now. Asahi and Daichi seemed distracted. It probably felt weird to be playing without Suga around. Tadashi was trying his best. Tanaka was trying his best. Yaku was trying. They were all trying their best.  
Yamaguchi slips on the ice and catches himself, but doesn't get up from the ground. He looks off to the side at the boys who sat on the sidelines. He just starts...crying. Ennoshita hugs him. It's exactly what Noya thought the problem was. Suga.  
Playing volleyball without him being their loudest cheerleader from the sidelines. Or without him being their amazing setter who doubted himself more than he needed to. The Nekoma players back up. Goshiki and Oikawa back up. Noya ducks underneath the net Ennoshita pulls him close. He feels Hinata appear and hug him. Everyone. Almost. Just almost.  
"Sounds like you're ready to explain where he went?" Ukai has his arms crossed with a worried-looking Takeda. Everyone expects Daichi to say it, but he doesn't. So Noya does.  
"He...committed suicide on my birthday…"  
Takeda inhales sharply. Ukai looks surprised for a moment, but he just frowns. "And left nothing behind?"  
"I don't…" Noya started but paused when Daichi pulled something out of his pocket. To everyone's surprise, Asahi is the one who shouts "That's such a bastard thing to do, what's wrong with you?!" He cries. Daichi steps back. "You saw what we were all going through and you kept it from us! You knew several of us we were considering it too and yet you kept our only bit of closure away from us!"  
"Asahi-"  
"No!" The bigger third-year brushes off his hand the moment he touches him. "You knew how many of us felt responsible...but you didn't help us! At all! Hinata saw his scars, Shibayama saw him _make_ those scars, Tsukishima saw the pills, Kageyama saw him hanging from the ceiling! And you did _what_?!" The ace was hysterical, completely in tears.  
"If you didn't hurt him, how could it be your fault? It's so-"  
"It's not that simple," Ennoshita spoke up, clenching his fists tightly. "I can list every time someone in this group has been caught ready to kill themselves. Maybe then you'll realize that it's not so simple!" His voice cracked. Noya grabbed onto the closest person, who happened to be Hinata who looked frightened, to say the least.  
"Kageyama and Tsukishima both asked me about the pills. Nishinoya cut deep on his chest, Shibayama stole the knife from my bag. Kenma stole the knife from my bag, _Tadashi_ stole the knife from my bag, Hinata wrote something and tore it up and just started _crying_ when I walked up to him. I took the knife from my _own_ bag and said 'what's so good about hurting yourself temporarily when you can do it permanently?!' And if Ukai didn't find me, then I'd be dead, Too! You have no idea what it feels like to feel at fault for a life you could've saved!"  
Asahi grabs him and hugs him tightly. Everyone feels like they're going crazy.  
Kageyama holds out his hand to Daichi with an expectant glare. The captain gives up, handing the note to him. He takes a deep breath and startles their other teammates when he starts to read.  
"This is stupid of me, I know it is. I can't help it, though, I can't do it anymore. Before, I couldn't dream of anyone being unable to play because of a sprained ankle or a bad wrist. Now I'm haunted by knowing that so many of my friends have been killed, raped, and exploited. I can't live with that. Knowing that my worst nightmares are real is too real for me. I'm too weak to keep doing this. I'm too faint of heart. The rest of you are incredibly strong and will learn to live with what I never could…"  
He pauses. His expression scrunches up as tears roll down his pale cheeks red with cold.  
"Kageyama, I'm sorry you'll have to wake up in fear and not know what happened. Hinata, I should've told you what was going on so you at least knew what went wrong. Tsukishima, you're really smart for figuring me out, and Shiba, I'm sorry for what you had to see. You didn't know I saw you, but knowing you were there made me reconsider and keep going longer…" he flips the paper over, "I can't lie to you, Daichi, I'm in love, but nothing feels strong enough to keep my mind together in a good place. I'm sorry for the pain I'm going to cause, but you'll do so much more than I could get ever through. Karasuno, Fight. Nekoma, Fight. Seijoh, Shiratorizawa, Johzenji, fight with them. ~Suga."  
There's a long pause. The long pause extends for the next three hours.  
\-----

For some reason, the mood seems a bit lighter. Asahi was more right than he thought. It felt like the weight of guilt no longer weighed down heavily on their shoulders. Shibayama spared Tadashi a smile for the first time in days. Bokuto seemed to be coming around. He wasn't as excitable as he used to be, but then again, none of them were. Daichi was staying distant from the others for now. Closure really was the key they needed to keep going.  
"So, Coach, I was thinking…" Chikara murmured from where he sat on the floor. He didn't want to ruin the improved atmosphere, but their lives were still at stake "Are we ever going to get out of here? Well I mean- how? There must be a place where survivors are taken to safety, right?"  
Ukai looks up as if to search his brain for possible responses. "Well, I'm not sure. Once we get to the Yuki no Machi military settlement, I'm sure we'll find some things out, okay?"  
Ennoshita nods and lays down on his blanket, mindlessly playing with the ends of the fabric before shoving his face into it. Probably crying. Everyone was either more sensitive or too insensitive after all of this. Kageyama sighs and plays with Hinata's hair. Watching him sleep is still slightly nerve-wracking, but it helps to see that his face no longer looked like an empty porcelain doll. The freckles that had appeared still remained, though.  
"Hey, Tobio," the Coach's voice startles him, making him look up. "Why don't you head to sleep, too?"  
Kageyama paused and frowned but nodded. He wraps his arm around Shouyo and shoves his face into his hair. His familiar scent unfortunately puts him to sleep.

_His voice was muffled behind a cloth his hands aren't tied behind his back, but they're held right at his lower back above his hips as the person on top of him half shoves his face into the mattress. He wasn't reacting much and they didn't like that. He clenched his teeth tightly onto the fabric, feeling the tears sting the cuts on his cheeks._  
_"Are you ready to talk yet?!"_  
_The male jerks him up by his shirt collar, slipping the cloth away from his mouth. "Fuck...you. I'm gonna fucking kill you! Get off of me, you're gonna be dead once my friends find your nasty ass!" The searing pain rips up his back again, making him whimper._  
_"You know where w-we are! Why do you care?-"_  
_"Name, you-" the guy spits out a foul slur at him that makes him cringe. F...a…g. Probably American._  
_"Koushi, you sick fuck! Last name Sugawara...I don't think I know the other one, so piss off!"_  
_"Look at this very closely!" Another guy shoves a picture in his face. It looks like a school photo of a short boy probably a little taller than Hinata. Round face with round brown eyes framed with hair similar to a bowl cut but split down the middle so he has no bangs. He isn't sure if he recognizes him or not at first until he notices the jacket. He shakes his head "Shibayama.."_  
_"First name?"_  
_"No clue." "First name?" "I said I have no fucking clue."_  
_"Fine then, useless whore," the guy holding him scoffs and shoves his face back into the mattress._  
_Oh, here we go again…_

He wakes with a start, covering his mouth with his hand to prevent himself from both screaming and throwing up. His eyes dart around and he finds that everyone's asleep around him. Hinata whimpers beside him but doesn't seem to wake up. Kageyama gets up slowly and heads down the stairs, grabbing his jacket and pulling his hood over his head as he heads out the door. The cold wind stings his skin the moment he steps out the door.  
He starts walking down to the bridge that once was probably full of cars and bikes. He puts his hands upon the metal railing that typically kept cars from going off the side. He pushes down, lifting himself up onto it. His palms are freezing, so he stands up, overlooking the river below. It looked like it had started to freeze here. If he fell, he'd be hitting the ice. When he thought about it, he probably would survive that way.  
"Damn, it's cold out here, ahah."  
"Tch, you can't even feel it senpai. You know, of all the people that died because of and in front of us, of course, you'd be the one to...what? Manifest in my conscience to talk me down?"  
The laugh is familiar and it makes his chest feel tight. It feels like he's standing right beside him. "Is that what this is about? Do you _want_ me to talk you down?"  
"Not really. I think I'd rather...jump and feel nothing about it…" Kageyama exhales, watching his breath come from his mouth in a cloud of frost. His senpai shakes his head. "No...no it's not that easy. No matter what, unless you're high, drunk, or on the pills, you'll feel it. I felt it. It hurt, Kageyama."  
Tobio scoffed "I know. I know it'll hurt. And I'm gonna let it. I'm sick of waking up from nightmares about that place...every time I fall asleep. Every fucking time, Suga...I just feel it…" he lowers his head, back down to the water. "I want….to die-"  
"No, you don't."  
"Goddamnit, I can't do it!" He turns quickly And jumps down, his foot slipping off the edge. Nails dig into his arm as a hand grabs him and slips up to his wrist. He looks up with teary eyes.  
"My gosh you're heavy," Asahi pulls hard on his arm until he has him in his arms, back on the snow-covered bridge. "What were you thinking?!"  
"Subconsciously? That thinking about Suga-senpai would make me back down. It did. Other than that? That I wanted to jump."  
"You can't jump. We can't deal with another death. Not another suicide especially. Hinata really needs you. We're leaving tomorrow. Can't you make it until then?" Azumane frowned worry and fear in his brown eyes.  
Kageyama stands up, pushing away from the older. He storms off back to the house. He wasn't mad at him, no not exactly. He was mad that he lost his nerve to jump.  
\-----

"Alright- I'm ready," Tadashi sighed unenthusiastically as he picked up his bag and threw it over his shoulder. He looked around at his friends. Everyone was miserable all over again. Hinata was looking bad again. It was freezing again, but they couldn't stay much longer unless they wanted to die from a bomb in the next three days.  
"Okay let's see…" Takeda muttered " 'Kawa, Daichi, Asahi, Ennoshita, Hinata…" he half mumbled off the names of the people in the room. "Uhh, where's Tsukishima?"  
Kuroo scoffed "bathroom, probably. You know what he's up to."  
"Well can you get him out?" The teacher sighed. Kuroo shrugged and got up, heading down to the bathroom to bother Tsukishima until he came out." and Kageyama?"  
"I saw him pacing outside," Asahi murmured. Tadashi raises an eyebrow at Hinata who was usually attached at the hip with him. He just looks at the floor. Yamaguchi opens his mouth to ask him a question, but doesn't have a chance instead he hears-  
"Tsukki, shit!" Shouted at the top of Kuroo's lungs. Quickly, he drops his bag and rushes to the bathroom. "What happened?"  
"He's not bleeding, he's unconscious, I don't know!" Tetsuro responded with panic flashing in his eyes. Ennoshita appears beside them, checking Tsukki's pulse. He mumbled something under his breath, numbers maybe.  
"Probably the cold paired with the lack of nutrition, he's not walking anywhere anytime soon."  
"So?" Kuroo flicked his eyes up "What do we do?"  
Ennoshita sighed "You'll have to help him walk when he's awake and carry him when he's not."  
There's no protest, just a collective sigh.  
Tadashi follows his senpai out while Kuroo deals with Tsukki. "I'm scared about something," he says. Chikara quickly turns back to him with a look of panic that- for a reason, he can't quite describe makes his eyes fill with tears that quickly fall down his face. It was that look on his face. That look of fear and panic. He was terrified of every possible thing Yamaguchi could have to say. So he says nothing. He shakes his head. Ennoshita puts his hands on his shoulders as if to tell him that it's okay, but he still refuses. He doesn't want to bring anymore fear to him.  
He quickly moves away and heads out the door. And freezes. It's not the cold that makes him freeze although it makes his throat dry. It's the bridge. Still covered in snow and probably ice too. How would they get across without someone getting hurt?  
"What's going on in your head right now?" Kageyama startles him, sitting and staring just like he was. "Oh uh…" Tadashi sits beside him, feeling the cold wind stinging the wet corners of his eyes. "I was wondering...about Asahi." It's not exactly what he was thinking, but it was what he had been worried about.  
"Huh?" Tobio looked slightly alarmed.  
"Well, he just seemed really shaken this morning. Mumbled something about the bridge and now I'm just worried about both." Tadashi explains. He notices Kageyama becoming tense. "You know what's wrong, don't you?"  
"It's nothing big, geez! I was just out on the bridge and I accidentally scared him a bit, it's nothing serious!" The noiriette quickly defended.  
"Why were you out on the bridge, Kageyama?"  
"I was just-!"  
Without thinking, Tadashi grabs the collar of Tobio's jacket and pulls him closer "Why were you standing on the bridge in a way that scared Asahi so bad?!"  
Kageyama grunts and pushes him to the ground, soon dropping on top of him and grabbing a fist full of his now long hair and pulling. Yamaguchi pushes against his face to shove him away before driving his knee right into his stomach which causes him to quickly let go. Their positions switch with Tadashi on Kageyama, relentlessly holding onto his shirt and shaking him aggressively.  
"You were going to jump, weren't you!?" He doesn't even react to hearing the setter's head hit the floor. "You selfish bastard! What's wrong with all of you! Tsukki and Kenma and Shiba and Ennoshita, and...and Suga! What's the point!?"  
Tobio looks dazed, but Tadashi is only seeing red, not including the blood dripping from Kageyama's nose. "What's in the point in coming this far and going through all the variables and planning just to end your life when you can just live and not do any of it?! Suga planned his suicide for what? Weeks? A month?! What's the point in all of it?!"  
Hardly a split second after he could finish talking, Kageyama's fist collided with his cheek, making him fall back away from him. He throws Tadashi against the wall. "Because living is harder today than it was yesterday! Living is harder now than before! If you asked me if I wanted to die back in June, I would've said 'No, what the hell are you saying?' But if you asked me by the time September came around, I would definitely say I'd rather die! And you-" his fist hits hard against his cheek again. "Don't you fucking talk about Suga like that!"  
Finally, pairs of hands grabbed at them, holding tightly into Kageyama's arms and shoulders as they pulled him away. They're both breathing heavy and bleeding. Asahi is trying to calm him down in one ear while Daichi is yelling at him in the other.  
"I wasn't...going to kill myself…"  
From Ennoshita and Takeda's arms, Tadashi looked up with fear and shock.  
"The river...is frozen over. If I jumped I could survive with a lot of broken bones. Or I could die if I hit my head or severely damaged internal organs from landing on my back or stomach. Or from shock."  
"What's your point?!"  
"I don't know if I have one. That's just what I was thinking when I was up there. I slipped off the railing and Asahi caught me. That's why he was shaken up. I don't know what else to say to you."  
"Okay, that's enough, let's just get our stuff and get out of here before someone else loses their goddamned mind," Ukai picks up their bags and half throws them at the teens, although they catch them easily. Tadashi sighs and looks at Kageyama. Kageyama doesn't look at him.  
_"What's your point?!"_  
_I would rather die quick and painless than wait minutes for my body to shut down._  
\-----

Everyone stays quiet on the bridge. It's like no one dared to move an extra muscle in fear that they would slip or the bridge would collapse. It's not like it was a bridge made for walking, it was a highway. A highway that withstood bombs and an earthquake. That was the scary part. Yaku is quietly laying on Bokuto's back as the bigger carried him since his legs still weren't in the best shape. He heard the footsteps behind him stop as they were finally nearing the end of the bridge. As the others make it back into the rest of the road, Hinata stops in front of them and turns around. His round eyes are wide with horror. Yaku lifts his head just in time to see Kageyama climb up on the railing. Everyone freezes as if the cold had caught them all off guard.  
The setter was completely silent, staring down. His hair flows in the quick cold wind that makes his cheeks turn pink. The moment his feet leave solid ground, Yaku hits the ground as Bokuto moves to grab him. All tensions hang in the air, suffocating. Kageyama is hanging by nothing but his shirt. He pulls him back up slowly, practically tossing him back onto the ground. He gets up slowly. They keep walking slowly. Quietly. No one had anything to say. Too normal. Way too normal. The silence was terrifying. In the little panic, Yaku was left to walk on his own. Every part of his body below his waist was in more pain than he could imagine.   
He blinks a couple times, his brain seeming to pause. His eyes dart around, anxiety rising in his chest. Bokuto waves his hand in front of his face, and asks him something, but it doesn't quite register. The larger male looks around at the others. He doesn't recognize their surroundings. He must've blacked out or something. "Yakkun?" It's Kuroo's voice this time he's pretty sure. "Yakkun!" Finally the world seems to snap back in place. "Huh?" He finally responded. Ennoshita pinches his wrist to feel his pulse. He shrugs.  
"Are you okay? I don't know what that was, you just blacked out for a second there. Seemed a bit confused…maybe get you checked out in the city."  
\-----

Tadashi watches the clouds travel over the sky, blocking out the sun and occasionally letting a few beams of light through. He took a deep breath.  
"I'm going to turn around...and if...I see anything like I think I'm going to see... I'm going to scream…" he turns around slowly and sees something utterly regrettable. His childhood friend unconscious all over again, and Yaku spacing out again off to the side. He just groans and looks at Ennoshita who frowns sympathetically.  
"His body isn't functioning properly. Not enough energy to spare. And I think Yakkun might be having seizures but I'm not sure."  
"I thought you do all that shaking and stuff when you have a seizure," Yamamoto butt in. Chikara shook his head. "Not necessarily. It also varies between triggers and the person. If I had to guess, stress and sleep deprivation."  
"And what do these things mean for us?" Tora asked.  
"We...might be screwed...again"  
"Wait wait," Ukai interrupts. "Order of business number one, we're going to talk about how Kageyama tried to jump off a bridge twice." He says it casually in such a way that makes the boy in question look away, clearly self-conscious and ashamed. No one says anything about it.  
Everyone would rather not say a word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I miss your comments, Sunkicks 😔


	12. Meltdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Then to all their surprise, the ground seems to tremble. Then trembling becomes shaking which is already loud enough. He can't even hear anything else very well, his ears feel dead. Nobody is calm exactly, but particularly the ones sensitive to the loud sounds are struggling. Oikawa wraps his arm around Kageyama to help cover his ears, while he uses the other arm to cover the back of his own head. The first year is screaming which he can feel more than he can hear. For some reason, he wonders if this is how video game characters feel when you change their world.  
> He doesn't know how long it goes on for, but it eventually stops. Very briefly. It feels like the whole world tilts on its axis this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it's been like- a month. A whole new year. 2021 is here. Wear your masks and don't...so stupid shit. Anyway-  
> Chapter tags: Mentioned s/h, more panic attacks, and implied Non-con
> 
> Happy 2021, I appreciate comments, they motivate me, share it if you like it, im sorry in advance  
> ~Author-san
> 
> P.S: you can now yell at me on Twitter @yakus_heart or something

Kageyama whistles a quiet tune. He couldn't whistle before. He isn't sure when he learned, but he did. Maybe he never learned and his body just picked up the skill naturally to force a distraction from his intrusive thoughts. Every time he looked at Tsukishima he would think of how satisfying it would feel to hear his skinny arm crack. He looks at Shibayama and increases him with his eyes just to see the scars that were similar to his own. He could only think of how badly he wanted to strangle Oikawa. He could only imagine taking Ennoshita's knife and committing murder-suicide. He could simply imagine pinning Hinata down and putting him through his trauma all over again.  
Hinata is in fact staring at him with a look of confusion. He was still getting used to being verbal again as his grief had finally begun to slowly subside recently, enough for him to start opening up again. "Why...are you looking at me like that?" He asks.  
"Like what?"  
"I dunno, you just keep giving me this weird scary look. It's freaking me out, it's uncomfortable…" Hinata answered, keeping his voice low and soft. Barely a whisper above the cold breeze that ruffled his hair. He meets Kageyama's dark blue eyes but looks away quickly. Kageyama feels...strange. For a moment the image of the smaller boy crying beneath him flashed in his mind again, making him scrunch his nose up at it. Sometimes the thought dares to feel like a daydream. Maybe it's the cold and empty city where he knows hundreds of thousands have died that makes his dark thoughts feel comforting in a way.  
Hinata shuffles away, although he wasn't sure what facial expression he was making that made him do so. He looked uncomfortable though and went to cling to Yamaguchi instead. For a moment he forgot how numb Hinata had become back on Nishinoya's birthday when their lives got worse. How just talking about it made him break Kenma's wrist out of anger. How he ran away that night only to be abused by men in the dark until finally, a familiar face saved him. Thinking about it all made him feel sick, so why did that intrusive thought seem so enticing?  
"Hey, what's that song you were whistling a minute ago?" Daichi asked, startling Kageyama a bit. "Um…" he paused to think for a moment before answering. Geez, how could he forget? His brain was so full of other shit that he just did it subconsciously.  
"The happy birthday song," he answers. This was the correct answer, but the look of horror on Daichi's face was almost unrivaled.  
"What?"  
"It should be...December 5th. Who's birthday is it?" Daichi replies. "It's not yours" he runs his fingers through his hair which has grown quite a bit and is now probably a tangled mess.  
Kageyama shrugged, but Bokuto spoke up albeit softly "Akaashi…" he says, his eyes cast downward.  
"Really?" Tobio questions and receives a nod of confirmation. He didn't know when Akaashi's birthday was, which...was kind of scary, actually. They don't talk about it anymore, unwilling to upset Bokuto anymore than they might already have. Instead, they keep walking like they had done for days now. They weren't having the best luck finding what they were looking for this time. They'd been lucky before, but now the world was surely trying to betray them again. The last thing they needed was more deaths from this horrible weather.  
Their footsteps and bags of supplies remain the only source of sound except for creaking buildings and structures as the breeze blows through them. They only go about five minutes without an issue before someone collapses. Kageyama turns, slowly and minimally concerned to stare at Shibayama who was now on his knees. He'd already had pretty injured feet when they found him and had gone shoeless for a bit after that. It was no surprise that he was the first to succumb to the pain in the soles of his feet from their seemingly endless journey. He winces when he tries to stand with the help of his friends, leaning on Yamamoto's shoulder. Their struggle was doing a number on all of them. Kageyama hadn't known that food could get ruined by the winter cold.  
As if they weren't already skinny enough, they had their binge eater Noya to make it worse. What they _did_ have, he tended to try to eat out of depression and stress with anxiety. While he was starting to weigh more than everyone else, Tsukishima on the other end of the spectrum was pretty much already half dead. He'd fall asleep and then be woken by Kuroo. He'd have fainting spells and issues upon issues. They didn't have the time to stop in every available safe house for him to recover some. Or the resources. They had nothing, really. They had each other and a couple of bags that were getting lighter and lighter by the day.  
"My stomach hurts…" Yamaguchi complains quietly, gently tugging at his shirt as if to prove his point. Although wordlessly, everyone agrees with an assortment of groans and nods. Everyone was hungry no matter how much or how little they'd eaten. For some reason, it felt like they just got more hungry the more they thought about how little food they had.  
"Complaining won't help," Ukai sighs, probably not in the mood to hear them complain about things none of them had. They all had the right to complain if they really wanted to, but not everyone felt the desire to say a word. Their discomfort was obvious, anyway. Seeing as they were all in the same situation. No one says anything, but the atmosphere seems to just get worse. The coach then sighs "Okay, fine. We'll stop if you can find a building that isn't-"  
"There." As if fate were simply trying to spite the agitated man, Takeda points not too far away from where they had briefly paused. It's large and damaged, but surprisingly not as broken as most of the buildings they encountered. A silent agreement leads them to get closer until they stand before the building.  
"Ha...shi...ma…" To Kageyama's annoyance, Hinata reads the broken sign, sounding out each ruined character. Thankfully he quickly concludes "It's a hospital."  
"A hospital? Great! Then that means there should be beds and supplies! I'm sure any food that's still remaining shouldn't have expired either!" Tanaka is the one to point out the fact, running up to the large entrance. Noya follows quickly behind with Yamaguchi on their heels. "I hope so…" the quiet male murmured. Daichi and Asahi pull the doors apart. They were automatic, but without electricity, they were useless in that regard. They soon slid open, greeting them with dust and another set of doors that they pull open as well. The boys at the doors all freeze as if the cold temperatures had finally gotten to them. Hinata is the first to retreat, stumbling backward and landing on his butt. His light brown eyes are wide with shock.  
The redhead scrambles to his feet, returning to the rest of the group and wrapping his arms around Kageyama no matter how scared he had been of him earlier.  
"What the hell is wrong with you?" He asks. He receives Hinata's now-typical silent treatment.  
"There's...s-so many-"  
Nishinoya's voice rises above everyone else's, a scream that reaches a pitch higher than anyone might've thought possible. The boy takes several steps back before apparently fainting, falling into Asahi's arms.  
"What? What is it?!" Ukai hurries up to the doors to check the situation out but is left stunned as well. "Holy shit…" he pushes the teenagers out of the way, going a bit deeper into the building and leaving the rest in either confusion or shock. After about a minute he returns with a grim look on his face.  
"What is it?" Takeda questions.  
"When the war started…" the blonde man began "People were flooding the hospitals-"  
"But I thought it was just an earthquake that left us vulnerable to attack," Kuroo interrupts. Ukai glares at him and he says nothing else, so he continues.  
"You're not completely wrong. The earthquakes that day were caused by weapons either fired into the sea or being activated underground, to begin with. Some files in the network back in that hell camp explained it. The restricted areas were created to keep the general public from seeing the damage on the coasts."  
"But we aren't even on the coast-" Kuroo rises to protest again, but Ukai snaps back "Did you forget that there were bombs, too? The ones that nearly killed you all? Made him go blind, made him break more bones than I knew people had, and made a couple of you go insane for a bit!" He points at Kenma then Yaku before gesturing to the majority of the group. "Every Hospital already filling up and then another three disasters and the thousands of people caught in them! We don't even know what these people died from!"  
No one has much to say. Asahi shuffles awkwardly into the hospital after passing his unconscious friend to Tanaka. He crouched beside the nearest body but didn't do anything before covering his nose with his shirt. Still, no one speaks until he does. "All I can say for sure is that they didn't all die at the same time…"  
"How could you possibly know that?" Coach challenged. The act stood up and turned to everyone, still looking rather disgusted by this discovery. "Injuries…" he answered. "I think nearly 300 people can occupy a bed here. So there's the existing patients plus the survivors. Then there are the employees. Survivors would die of their injuries and complications. Others of their illnesses. I don't think many would've starved, though...just a guess, I guess. I think...something out here was making people sick."  
"Wow, since when did you get morbid?" Daichi lightly pats Asahi's shoulder which makes him cringe even more. "I-I'm not morbid, I was just asked a question…" he murmurs, sounding suddenly defeated. "I just think...we should check for food and go, I hate it here…"  
"Agreed, alright, who's going?" Daichi is quick to step up to the plate as usual. Kageyama, eager to just get away from everyone -even if it meant being around dead bodies instead- steps up to go. Like the shadow Hinata has always been to him, the redhead decides to join him. Oikawa, still barely in decent shape, but aware and sane enough to help agrees with a quiet Goshiki also offering. It's their little group decided, they take the empty and nearly-empty bags and head inside. Hinata sticks to Kageyama like some type of parasite as they roam, choosing directions and heading forward in pairs of two. Thankfully not many bodies were in the way of the halls, but even so, it felt like Kageyama had a burden lingering with him.  
"Hey, Kageyama…" Hinata says quietly. "You've been acting weird around me, did I do something wrong?" He asks. The question makes his heart twist and tear because the answer is no. No, he didn't really do anything wrong, all he did was exist. All he did was get caught up in traumatic situations that neither of them had control over. He knew all of this and yet-  
_Do it, no one will know. You'll feel way better if you do. It'll be satisfying, won't it?_  
Tobio quickly looks away which gives way to a sudden wave of tears. He ignores Shouyo's crying as he checks every door that isn't locked or obstructed. That is until the noise finally makes him want to grab him by the neck. "Would you shut the hell up, you idiot? You're making my head hurt!" He snaps. Hinata gasps softly and quickly covers his mouth with his hands but that barely does a thing to help him.  
Suddenly Kageyama dropped the bags in his hands, grabbing Hinata by the fluff of his jacket and pinning him to the wall. Hinata frantically tries to push him away as his hands force themselves where they shouldn't be. "Come on, this shut you up before!" He hissed, making Hinata flinch.  
"Kageyama, stop! Stop, I don't want to!" His cry is shrill and full of fear. Something snapped in Kageyama. He doesn't even know what it is, but it's the only thing that stopped him from hurting Hinata in a way he would regret. Instead, he hugs him tightly, bringing about his own fierce onslaught of tears. He was sorry. He was so sorry for scaring him but even now struggled to form the words necessary to convey it more than his arms wrapped tightly around him. "I just want to go back to school, Hinata...I just want to go home..."  
Shouyo hesitated before gently petting his hair. To his surprise, he says "Home is probably gone now." Which startles him of course, causing him to pull away to look him in the eyes. "It's probably occupied by enemies or raiders or something. Or maybe they destroyed it, too. The closest thing we have to home now is our group. A home on foot! On feet- on…nevermind."  
Kageyama chuckles, rubbing his eyes with the back of his palms. "You still don't get any smarter, do you?"  
"Hey, your grades weren't much better than mine!" Hinata defends as they pick up the bags and start walking again.  
"You don't need grades in the apocalypse! You need street smarts! You need to know how to survive and get out of tough situations!"   
"Because you're so good at getting anyone out of tough situations, you can barely keep yourself out of tough situations!"  
For some reason, the remark sounded suddenly like a personal attack that makes Kageyama look down at him again. Hinata frowns. "I-I mean...you did try to-"  
"Don't bring that up!" Tobio snaps, hardly enough that Hinata naturally backs up against the wall. For a moment they just look at each other before Kageyama can't stand to be here beside him for much longer without doing something stupid. He runs off, hearing him call after him, but he ignores him. The moment he finds the staircase, he runs in, locking the door from the inside and dropping the bags on the floor. He sits down on the steps and hides his face in his hands. Now wasn't quite the time to have a meltdown, but it was more difficult than he wished.  
He couldn't stop thinking, he wanted his brain to shut up. He can't stop thinking- he can't stop thinking about hurting him- he can't stop thinking about wanting to hurt himself- he wants to go away, to disappear, to just fucking due...but he can't. He's having a meltdown and he can't. He has to live but he doesn't want to. It made him forget that the staircase led somewhere, particularly when a hand lands on his shoulder.  
"Kageyama-?"  
"Get off of me!"  
It's not Hinata's voice, but it doesn't even matter to him. He knows who it is because Tadashi came in as Daichi's partner for the exploration. He's just so pissed beyond belief that it feels like he's sitting in the backseat of his own head. He whirls around and shoves hard against Yamaguchi's chest, causing him to fall onto the stairs. "I hate all of you! I fucking hate all of you!"  
"Kageyama!"

\-----

"You...heard that, right?" Oikawa lifted his head at Goshiki's words. The brunette stands straight, glancing down both sides of the hallway. His injuries still hurt from moving around so much, but he was alive, thankfully. "Yeah, I think I heard it."  
"Should we check?" Tsutomu asks. Oikawa shrugs "I mean- it's probably Tobio-chan and Chibi-chan arguing like they always do," he flashes a brief grin. He shakes the bags in his hands. They were getting heavier at least. Mostly blankets and clothes. Goshiki had some medicine in his, but only ones he could still read the labels of. Next, they were going to try breaking into the vending machines.  
Toru practically skips down the hall, confusion written on the younger boy's face.  
"What are you so happy about? And what the hell happened to you, anyway?"  
"Mmm, nothing! Just thinking about Iwa-chan, that's all! I was high on pain meds and half dead when you guys saw him, so I haven't seen him since we got separated months ago. I've never gone this long without seeing him!" The setter glanced back at the other teen as he spoke. "And don't you remember? Metal went through my side in one place and tore open my waist in another place," he explained. Goshiki frowned.  
"I guess I blocked out my memories of that day. I barely remember a thing. I can't believe I got out of there with barely a single injury while you guys got so hurt."  
"Well, there's nothing we can do about it now. I guess I feel the worst for Kozume, though. I dunno how I would adapt to losing most of my sight, yet he's done it so well. It's crazy, my knee has been fucked up from the beginning, but he was a gamer. His reflexes are still sharp as they were before, though."  
Oikawa wasn't usually one to praise people like this, particularly non-teammates, but Seijoh didn't really exist anymore. It was a bunch of rocks, now. Nekoma didn't really exist anymore. It was rubble now. Karasuno, Shiratorizawa, Fukurodani, Johzenji, Inarizaki, all of them. Gone. Their achievements were lost in the dust.  
"You have a pretty bad limp now, do you think you could still play on a real team?" Goshiki asks. Oikawa shakes his head with a sad chuckle. "I probably couldn't. It's my last year, anyway. By the time this shit is over, I'll be old enough to go to college, so maybe I could if I managed to recover my knee in good time, but The Great King Oikawa was gone the moment my school collapsed…" he sighs, lowering his head and allowing his bangs to fall over his face. He's been fine until now. He hasn't cried this whole time. He screamed a lot when he got hurt but not a tear fell from his face. He didn't cry on the brink of death. Now, though...he just wanted to collapse. He wanted Iwa to hold him again and let him cry as much as he needed to. As far as he was concerned, he had no one to turn to right now. Until he did have someone, he'd just keep it inside.  
"Hey, remember how we were escaping a bomb?" Goshiki asks suddenly. Oikawa looks at him incredulously before rolling his eyes "Don't jinx it," he says. They continue walking until they finally come across a couple of vending machines in a mini waiting area. Oikawa drops his bags and begins to rummage for a tool to use.  
"Am I hearing things?" Tsutomu interrupts, prompting Oikawa to throw a paper ball at his head. "Ow, okay, jeez, you didn't have to do that! I just... I could've sworn I heard something…" he waves his hand dismissively at Oikawa and walks off to investigate. In the meantime, the brunette grumbles as he fumbles with the locks. Soon enough he hears a click and can pull open the door. He quickly begins to shove the chips and other snacks into a bag. Unfortunately, he hears a shrill cry. It doesn't sound like any of his friends which is great, but it was still a scream. To his surprise, Goshiki returns with-  
"A kid?" The confusion on his face is genuine. Surely enough, a little bit about 10 years old was in Goshiki's arms. The kid kind of looked like him when he was younger, honestly.  
"Um- yeah! It looks like he's been living off the vending machines for a while!" The Shiratorizawa boy looks ecstatic for some reason. The kid was quiet, though, Goshiki had probably startled him earlier.  
"Does he happen to know why everyone is dead?" Toru questions bitterly.  
"A lot of people got sick...from all the dust and stuff from the bombs. And there were so many!" The little brown-haired boy cries.  
"Hey!" Daichi's voice sounds from behind them. "Have you seen where Tadashi ran off to?"  
"Nope! I think I heard someone yelling downstairs, though!" Oikawa answers, turning to look at Karasuno's captain. He could see his contusion directed towards the child, but Toru just waves his hand dismissively. "Don't worry about it. Are your bags full?"  
"Yeah, all medical supplies, and Yamaguchi has some as well. Hinata and Kageyama should've been able to hit the cafeteria, but I'm...concerned about them," Sawamura laughs nervously. For some reason, a sense of unease creeps up Oikawa's neck and he fills the bags faster, tossing one to the child and one to Goshiki, carrying the other two. They head down the stairs after that, and whatever Oikawa had heard earlier was getting louder. Suddenly Daichi dropped the bags in his hands and runs down. "Daichi?" Oikawa calls after him, hurrying behind him.  
"H-Holy shit-" he freezes.  
The first thing he notices is Kageyama sitting up against the door to the first floor. He was pretty much curled up into a ball, audibly sobbing, but not only that, his sleeves were covered in blood. That's when he looked down and saw Tadashi crouched on the floor nearby, pressing his own bloody hands and sleeves against his shoulder. He was surprisingly not crying a lot, aside from a couple of tears pricking at the corner of his eyes. The little boy cries out and Goshiki holds him tighter.  
Oikawa puts his bags down and drops to his knees beside Kageyama, forcing him out of his curled up ball state. "Tobio-chan, look at me! What happened, what did you do?!"  
"I...I didn't mean to...I just...I couldn't…" the ravenette could barely get a sentence out of his mouth. Oikawa frowns, nervously lifting Tobio's sleeve. He almost gags. "Daichi, he's bleeding, too…"  
"He's what?"  
"Damnit!" He doesn't even repeat himself, instead beginning to fight to get Kageyama's jacket off, leaving him in his sweater. He digs around in Daichi's bags, pulling out something like a yellow elastic band, and ties it around his upper arm. "Where's the knife?"  
"I…"  
"Where's the knife, Tobio-chan?!" His voice hits a pitch he thought was impossible. The younger teen points off to the side, catching sight of a bloody shard of glass.   
"Why...why the hell did you do this?!"  
"He got in a fight with Hinata about...the whole bridge thing. I heard it and when Kageyama ran into the stairwell, I thought I could help, but I just...pushed him over the edge," Yamaguchi explains. Kageyama leans into Oikawa's chest and continues his incoherent mumblings and soft cries. He really felt horrible about hurting his friends, didn't he? He felt so guilty that he almost tried to….he shakes the thought from his head and holds him a bit tighter. He always envied his Kouhai. But right now at this moment...they were all the other had to hold onto.  
Daichi bandages up the gruesome injuries on Kageyama's arm after fixing up Yamaguchi the best they could. Then they get Hinata and leave, sending in Asahi and Tanaka to raid the Cafeteria instead. Nishinoya whines about not going but seems to understand why.  
Ukai paces around them while Oikawa sits with Kageyama to keep him quiet while Takeda checks out the little boy.  
"I'll never understand why your generation finds death to be the solution to fucking everything-" Ukai says, but Daichi interrupts him with a sharp "Hey!" That just makes the coach walk away from them.  
Kageyama is dead quiet while the others have seemingly returned to normal.  
"You wanna talk about it?" Oikawa asks. Kageyama just sighs. He's trembling badly, probably going into his own state of shock. So Toru just holds onto him and leaves him be. He's just glad he doesn't have to look at his injuries anymore. Who would've thought they'd get so hurt? Oikawa himself couldn't completely wrap his head around the concept of...dying that way. Thinking about dying, in general, is pretty scary and something that isn't pleasant, especially after coming so close to it so many times. He never got to speak much to Suga or see him much before he was gone. Now looking at Kageyama, though...he wondered if he would've seen a similar look on his face. That dissociation was something only Kageyama did regularly now. While the others who were still recovering from their post-traumatic issues were back to engaging with everyone else almost like they used to, Kageyama was still...distant.  
It was like he separated himself from the real world to avoid what was happening around him. Maybe dying felt like his only escape instead sometimes. Your mind can only be so strong for so long. Oikawa stands up, pulling Kageyama with him. Before the younger boy can even protest properly, he begins to drag him off down the street. The voices of the others fade behind them.  
"What really happened in there?" He asks. Kageyama looks confused at first before frowning again with his eyes cast down at the ground.  
"I keep having these crazy violent thoughts that...that even _I_ wouldn't usually think of trying to do...and he asked me if I was mad at him and we got in a little argument and it got a bit physical. I didn't hurt him! I barely had a chance to feel a bit happier before he brought up the bridge thing and I snapped! I didn't want to hurt him so I locked myself in the stairwell and Yamaguchi came up behind me and it just set me off!"  
"But what did you do to him?"  
"I-"  
"Tobio-chan," Oikawa moves to stand in front of him, grabbing his face and forcing him to look him in the eyes. "What did you do to him? You stabbed him in the shoulder, right? Did you hurt him anywhere else? Did you hit him anywhere else? Tell me."  
"I-I...I…" Kageyama looks terrified and completely speechless. "I felt so...out of control…" he says, not answering the question, but that was answer enough. Oikawa takes a couple steps back. "How can you...lose so much control?" His voice trembles. He watches the first-year collapse into a pitiful mess of _"I didn't mean to"_ and _"I'm so sorry._ " And most alarmingly _"Please don't leave me alone!",_  
As shocked and angry as he is, Toru crouches down to speak to him. They could talk about what he did later. Right now the more important focus was his injuries and his rapidly diminishing mental state. "Hey, don't scratch-" he lightly grabs one of his wrists which makes him flinch."Kags, are you borderline?"  
"Am I what? And what's up with the nickname?"  
For a moment Oikawa has to question what he meant but quickly realizes that he didn't call him Tobio-chan. He manages to chuckle and shake his head "I didn't even notice I said that, but I meant BPD. Something tells me that you don't really understand so let's just drop it right now. Are you stable at least? Not gonna...go hurting anybody? Including yourself."  
Kageyama stands up slowly and just nods, confirming that he could be around everyone safely, and Toru stands as well. For no reason, in particular, his mind wanders back to his earlier conversation with Goshiki.  
_"Hey, remember how we were escaping a bomb?"_  
_"Don't jinx it,"_  
No sooner than he shook the thought from his head, a sense of unease crept up on him. "Come on, let's go back…" he lightly pulls on Kageyama's uninjured arm -which was kind of hard to do since his opposite shoulder still seemed to be recovering- and drags him back to the hospital, heading inside once he noticed that everyone had disappeared. Inside, they're now led down into the staircase- well- the basement. When the doors close behind them, almost all light is shut out, which makes Kageyama become very tense.  
When finally the light is flicked on, Toru just thanks whatever God there is that it doesn't smell like rotting flesh. The basement is big it seems but is divided into rooms. Everyone stays in the same place, probably out of fear. At least it's better than outside. They lay their various blankets and pillows down. Hinata seems to be coping by keeping himself preoccupied with their new little friend. He probably feels comforted being reminded of his little sister, who was probably dead but Oikawa wasn't quite sure.  
On the other side of the spectrum, Tobio is curled up on his respective blanket, trying his hardest not to fall apart again. This was probably the type of space they were in when they got kidnapped back in Miyagi. He couldn't recall where he was around that event, but the others had explained it best they could. He runs his hand along the younger setter's back, which seems to calm him temporarily.  
"Wow, I thought you hated each other," Tsukishima remarks from a few feet away.  
"We're not in the situation where hating our allies is an option anymore. Everyone needs to stay safe and sane," Oikawa explained. He was honestly fond of his former kouhai. If he hadn't been so envious of his natural talent, maybe they could've gotten friendlier sooner. Kageyama doesn't look at him, but whimpers quietly.  
Then to all their surprise, the ground seems to tremble. Then trembling becomes shaking which is already loud enough. He can't even hear anything else very well, his ears feel dead. Nobody is calm exactly, but particularly the ones sensitive to the loud sounds are struggling. Oikawa wraps his arm around Kageyama to help cover his ears, while he uses the other arm to cover the back of his own head. The first year is screaming which he can feel more than he can hear. For some reason, he wonders if this is how video game characters feel when you change their world.  
He doesn't know how long it goes on for, but it eventually stops. Very briefly. It feels like the whole world tilts on its axis this time. After all this time he'd nearly forgotten what it was like the first time a bomb hit within range of him. He had his friends when that happened, though. Not anymore. Eventually, though, the second round of shaking does stop.  
He can finally hear Kageyama's screaming which is oddly comforting in a way. He pulls him closer to his chest which muffles it from everyone else and also grounds him. Once they were sure that everything was stable for now, Ukai calls out "Is everybody okay? Stay under the blankets for a while, there's dust everywhere!" To which pretty much everyone responds with a variety of _yeah_ 's, _Okay_ 's and _yes_ 's.  
"I can't breathe…" Kageyama complains, even though he's not holding onto him closely anymore.  
"Of course I'd get stuck with you having a panic attack…" Oikawa muttered. He wasn't really complaining, but it was the first thing that came to mind at the realization. He doesn't really know grounding techniques like the others do, but he has to try. _Don't hate me more than you already do for this…_ he thinks, gently grabbing Tobio's injured arm and pressing his thumb down on his wrist. It definitely works well enough to get him to snap back into reality, but also makes him struggle not to express the mental and physical pain he's in. He calms down and time passes. Toru is so focused on playing with his grown-out bangs that he doesn't notice that he's fallen asleep. Neither of them would ever have done something like this before now. War does change people. In good and bad ways.

\-----

Oikawa wakes up to Tobio shifting around beside him. He looks uncomfortable, but it's probably because he's been laying on his bad shoulder. The brunette slowly moves the blanket off of them to observe the others. Some were awake, some were walking around and others were still asleep. No one got hurt, but almost everyone is still shaken up and restless. He can hear someone throwing up in the room attached to this one. He cringes, but focuses on Tobio, lightly poking his cheek. "Hey, Tobio-chan, wake up" he pokes him a couple times and he stirs, but stays quiet. Toru frowns. "You'll probably have to get stitches you know."  
That wakes him up for sure. "Huh? In my arm?" Kageyama is red in the face, even in the dark. As quickly as he woke, he returned to sleep. He wasn't looking too hot. He just slept a lot. Keeping track of time was hard as all phones had been broken, died, or had no service, to begin with. It'd been a while now, though.  
"What happened to his arm?" Ennoshita asked, kneeling by Kageyama's side and beginning to unwrap the bandages after rolling up his sleeves. Oikawa swallows nervously. "Any answer I could give you would be correct, so just see for yourself" is all he says. He watched Karasuno's second year's expression twist at the sight of the self-inflicted injuries. He's quick to wrap his arm back up. "P-Probably getting infected…" he says quickly before rushing off.  
The brunette raised an eyebrow, understanding the conclusion he came to, but not why he walked away so quickly. Regardless, they'd be hanging out down here until whatever was on the surface got better enough to walk out into. Another mess, another shitty problem that they didn't need. They were supposed to be in Osaka by now, but instead, it was December 7th in the basement of a hospital that might not even exist by the time they leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of this(particularly Oikawa and Kageyama's interactions) may seem a bit OOC to some, but you have to remember that they're traveling together while trying to survive a war. They don't have the *time* or *reason* to hold their old grudges. Their schools are destroyed, the only thing left of their teams being their jackets and maybe some articles online. It'd probably be a lot easier to just work with each other to live. Maybe go back to being jealous or envious when your lives are no longer endangered.
> 
> On an unrelated note, among all of my WIP fics, I'm debating between writing the Zombie apocalypse(based on The Last of Us) and a fic based on Japan Sinks 2020. Tell me which one you'd like to read because they'll both be posted eventually but I want to do what you guys want to see first.


	13. Just That Easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At first, it seemed like they were coming up to a small hill, but he quickly realized that the edges were far too jagged. He paused at the edge, glancing over. He forgot about something. Kenma couldn't see. And he was holding onto his hand.  
> One step was all it took.  
> Kenma dropped first, his hand only releasing Shibayama's once they'd both gone over the edge out of the instinct to catch himself when he lands.  
> He lands on his arm and then his side, hearing his ribs hit the asphalt.  
> Yuuki doesn't. He lands on his side and then onto his back, effectively hitting his head.  
> He grabs Kenma's hand again. The edges of his vision are dark. He can't move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That took a while. Oops.  
> Tags: character death(again.)
> 
> I have twitter @yakus_heart so yell at me or whatever.  
> I like comments, they're motivating and make me happy.  
> Sorry in advance  
> ~Author-san

After three more days they finally figured it was logical for someone to check out the damage. They had no choice considering that Kageyama and Yamaguchi were in rougher shape than before. Physically that is. While Tsukishima was vomiting, as usual, Nishinoya was sick as well, though, and finally, Tanaka had gotten sick. While Tsukishima wasn't a special case, the other two had probably been poisoned by two different things. Noya had been fine after two days, but Tanaka was out of it.  
They had new mental victims, though. Oikawa focused on Kageyama while the others focused on themselves or their closest friends. Hinata was getting restless and angry, causing a lot of conflict with others. He yelled a lot at Asahi and Daichi. He hit Bokuto who was already suffering and just trying his best to get his mind off of it. Goshiki was mute again. Not a surprise, but they were still going through a lot. Yamamoto had even quieted down. Then there was the little boy Goshiki rescued. He was still trying to socialize with Hinata which wasn't helping.  
They had to leave no matter what condition everything was in.

To walk to Osaka would take about 32 hours. With the size and condition of their group, they expected it to take at least a week to account for everyone's sickness and injuries. Shibayama would rather go home at this point.  
They didn't expect to get to Osaka, so Kyoto was the aim. The sky above had turned red, which was a much bigger shock compared to the complete and utter destruction. They left the basement already with an idea of what they were walking into. Even so, the sight was still startling. And even so, they had to go.  
The ground was crumbling left and right, everywhere they walked, a piece of the road or something would crack or crumble beneath them. Shibayama was meant to keep an eye on Kenma. Even though his senpai was capable of walking on his own without trouble, he was still blinded and wouldn't see any trouble ahead.  
His other senpais looked like they were on their last legs. Tora was walking beside Tanaka with a forlorn expression. Yaku was being carried most of the time and Kuroo was getting tired of carrying him and Tsukishima off and on. Kenma was rather quiet beside him, fumbling with the hem of his jacket.  
"I wonder if we'll get far," Yamaguchi murmured. He looked to Daichi who just sighed and looked away. Yuuki could only imagine the thoughts going through his head. Maybe they were looking for Sugawara's words of wisdom that would never come. Shibayama didn't feel the weight of his death like they did, but knowing that he got hurt to calm him down and save him was a bit heavy.  
"Do you think the twins and Sakusa are alive? Or okay? If that place really was hit by a bomb, then they could be…" Hinata spoke up before trailing off as he seemed to think further on his question. No one had a good answer to his question. Of course, they all hoped that in the weeks they'd been gone that their old rivals were safe, but having hope was harder these days.  
"It's so dark…" Nishinoya comments. "The sky looks like forbidden cotton candy or something. It's all red but the clouds are still there. I wonder when it'll go back to normal...geez I'm hungry."  
"You're always hungry, fatass," Tsukki hisses bitterly. Nishinoya scoffs and snaps something along the lines of "you're one to talk" before suddenly slowing down his pace.  
"Noya?" Asahi calls softly. The small male had recovered from whatever had gotten him sick, so this was a bit new.  
"My stomach hurts…" the brunette complains. For some reason, they brushed it off. Not that they didn't believe him, but it was easy to assume it was just a stress or hunger thing that they couldn't do anything about.  
They continue for another fifteen minutes before the other libero complains wordlessly with a groan, his arms wrapped around his midsection as he significantly slowed his pace. Ennoshita tapped him on the shoulder and whispered to him, to which he just whined in response.  
"Maybe we should take a break. Three of you are limping anyway," Daichi suggests. He was most likely referring to Yaku who had been on his own feet for a little while, Oikawa who was probably missing his knee brace, and Shibayama who's soles of his feet had been damaged from the start of this shitstorm.  
Everyone agrees.  
Currently following the road, everyone diverts off into a little residential area. They're cautious of the damage the distant bomb might have done and try to find the least damaged house. This far out they were sure they wouldn't have to worry about being followed by the people who had been chasing them. They'd been targeted for their vulnerability as traumatized teenagers. How sick could you be?  
Shibayama settles down in what used to be a living room with the majority of the others. Ennoshita goes into the toilet room with Noya to privately figure out the issue.  
It's not unusual to just sit in silence anymore. It's pretty common now. They were all too tired or too injured or mentally ill to talk or interact very much. Despite this, the Nekoma boys try their best. They sit around each other, Kenma leaning on Yaku while Tora sat on the outside of their little group, still keeping an eye on Tanaka who was still sick and currently seeming to be unconscious.  
"I'm proud of all of you," Kuroo says, gently rubbing Kenma's back. The praise is startling to all of them as no one could understand what there was to be praised for. Kuroo continues "Losing Inuoka was rough. And there's a lot of teammates we haven't seen since the beginning. I'm proud that so many of us made it this far. Even Lev's dumbass is still alive somewhere," he chuckles softly. A small grin appears on Yuuki's face.  
"We have to remember, though," the captain continues. "That not all of our friends got lucky like us and Karasuno. Most of Aoba Johsai and Shiratorizawa...Fukurodani and Johzenji...most likely Itachiyama and Inarizaki...are gone. We have to use our numbers to help them all, alright?"  
"Wow, Kuro, you actually said something useful," Kenma remarks. Kuroo laughs. Yaku sighs and shakes his head with a grin, Shiba and Kenma laugh too. Tora finally smiles, too. No one is quite happy, but they've improved from their dark moods from earlier.  
Shibayama looked over to the Karasuno boys who were together for the most part. Nishinoya, Ennoshita, and Asahi were missing, as well as Daichi and the coaches. Kageyama was separated from the group with Oikawa quietly watching over his kouhai. To see the arrogant kings of volleyball in such depressing states was almost disturbing. They were the type who flaunted their strength, but now they had none. They were half-empty shells of their former glory.  
As if he knew someone was thinking about him, Ennoshita returns with a slightly stressed look on his face but was otherwise fine. Upon Hinata jumping up and asking what happened, Ennoshita simply tapped his lower stomach. That's right. Nishinoya was trans. He had struggles that the others could relate to or fully understand. Based on that little gesture, the overall unstable situation, as well as stress, was causing that time of the month for him to be very painful.  
It wasn't that they didn't have anything for him, it was that it wouldn't be effective to the necessary degree. Or maybe…  
"Shibayama."  
He quickly snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of his name. "Huh?"  
"Are you okay?" Kuroo asks, tilting his head slightly. He just nods. He was fine. Better than some.  
"Can stress make it that bad?" Yuuki asks, receiving a quiet look from Yamamoto before he answers.  
"I guess so. My sister would just sleep a lot, yell at me for something then go back to sleep," The ace murmured. Shibayama just sighs. They'd simply have to hope he was okay.  
Tanaka finally shifts a bit, which seems to make Kuroo think of something. "You two are a weird bunch," he says.  
"Eh?"  
"You started out hating each other, then being weird and protecting their manager, and then somehow the best of friends. I don't get how you weirdos work," Kuroo explains.  
Tora's face reddens and he huffs. He seemed to know what their captain was implying and didn't confirm nor deny it. Maybe Kuroo didn't catch it, But Shibayama could tell that Tora didn't like the teasing about it. Thankfully it seems that Yaku notices because he changes the topic.  
"Do you think Lev is really okay?" The third-year asks.  
"Of course he is," Kenma interjects. "He's pretty clumsy and even lazy at times, but he's serious when it's necessary. He knows we depend on him. Maybe he found someone else to depend on him, too."  
The justification is enough to put their minds more at ease. He could still be okay. That was what matters.  
"I hope you're right…" Yaku mumbles, clearly not intending to be heard, but Kuroo nudges him playfully with his elbow to which he gets a much less gentle punch in the arm.  
"Oww! God, you're abusive, Yakkun!"  
"Demon senpai," Shiba chimes in, making the others laugh as well. This was a pleasant scene. They weren't thinking about the world outside for once. They were thinking about each other. Right here, right now.  
"You kiddos get some rest," Kuroo teases as he stands up. "I'm gonna go see what Daichi is up to." He waves at them a little before leaving them be.  
Shibayama doesn't mind this suggestion, quickly pulling out a blanket from his bag. They were all layered up in the day, so taking a break for snuggling in blankets is well appreciated.  
"DAMNIT!"  
Everyone is startled by a loud crash in the kitchen. Shibayama scrambles to his feet and hurries to the other room with Yamaguchi and Ennoshita behind him.  
Asahi and Daichi were surrounded by broken glass with Kuroo on the edge of the mess. Asahi's hand was covering the side of his face where blood dripped down and Daichi was holding his hand.  
"What the hell happened?!" Ennoshita asked as the boys stepped out of the mess while Yamaguchi went to find something to clean it up with.  
"Goddamnit…" Daichi muttered "We were looking for extra food and opened the cabinet. Of course, instead of canned food or good shit like that, a few cups fell out! One hit Asahi on the cheek and another broke on top of my hand!"  
Shibayama hadn't heard Sawamura sound this angry in a while. Ennoshita had forced almost everyone to give up their unhealthy coping mechanisms which helped, with the exceptions currently being Nishinoya and Tsukishima because forcing them too fast would cause more damage. Kageyama was also included under the suspicion that it wasn't quite under his control.  
"Don't- yell at me!" Ennoshita hissed. He seemed to understand that the two were probably in pain, but it was probably harder being under stress without his senpai around to calm everyone down. Even so, he made quick work of removing the glass from Asahi's face and then Daichi's hand. Asahi was quietly in tears when tweezers were used for the small pieces, but Daichi stayed as strong as he could.  
Behind them, Tadashi had found a broom and was sweeping the glass away from where anyone would step on it. Shiba glanced at Kuroo who had mostly turned away from everyone else, but after all this time he knew what a panic attack looked like.  
He hurried out of the kitchen, glad to find that Tsukishima was up. "U-Um-" he starts, catching the blonde's attention. Even in the condition he was in, he still looked intimidating. "Kuroo-" he barely gets the name out of his mouth before the blonde is up on his feet and off to grab Nekoma's captain.

*--*-*--*

Tsukki dragged Tetsuro to the empty bedroom, half slamming the door before sitting on the bed with him. Never has he seen him in any state of panic, so this has to be bad. He wasn't the best at comforting, as that was usually what Kuroo did for him, but he had to try.  
He gently held his face, noticing the number of tears that had fallen down his cheeks.  
"Hey," he says. "What's this about all of a sudden?" He asks, and to his surprise, Kuroo leans against his chest. Maybe it was just because Kuroo finally wasn't around other people that he let himself crumble to him.  
"When the glass hit Azumane in the face and shattered everywhere I just- the image of Kenma when the bus turned over flashed in my head and it was...scary…" Kuroo explained, holding into him as if for dear life. He could only imagine. Seeing his brother get shot right beside him was frightening. The captain must have been telepathic because he looked up and said "Don't think too much."  
Kei just hugged him tightly. He didn't mind letting his emotions spill with him. He felt safe. For once.  
Kuroo sits up, kissing him softly on the lips. He tastes salty from the tears that had slipped into the creases of his lips. He doesn't mind though. Such an off-track thought makes an unexpected little grin slip onto his lips.  
"Ooh, what? Is that a little smile for me, Firefly?" Kuroo teases, keeping his voice low.  
Tsukishima scoffs, lightly tugging at his messy hair. "So what?" He pulls back just enough to look him in the eyes, enjoying the sight of the shit-eating grin he fondly remembered. Without a verbal response, Kuroo attacks his neck with kisses, pinning him against the bed, which makes him smile more and even laugh a bit.  
"Cut that out you stupid cat!"  
"Make me, Tsukki~!" Kuroo teased back. His hand slipped up his shirt, which he was fine with at first until his fingers went over his ribs making him flinch and push him away.  
Tetsuro quickly moves back, panic flashing in his eyes. Tsukishima takes a deep breath. He had to pull himself out of this deep pit he was in. His smile fell, but before he could even speak again, Kuroo was back on him- a distraction.  
"Do you love me, Firefly?"  
"What?" The question startled him, making him freeze up. "I do, why would you ask?"  
"Then smile for me. 'Cause I love you to death. And I'll do what I have to in order to stay with you. So do what you can for yourself...and I'll do the rest."

*--*-*--*

"Hey, Yuuki? Can we go outside?" Kenma asked softly. Shibayama raised an eyebrow at the request, glancing over at the majority of the group who had finally figured out something to eat. He shrugged "Yeah, sure," he grabbed his coat and stood up with the blind boy trailing behind them. He slipped his jacket on and headed out the doors shivering as the cold night air hit his face. It didn't smell right out here.  
Kenma walked beside him now, grabbing onto his hand.  
"What's up?"  
"It's...about Kuroo," the sightless male murmured, his breath leaving his mouth in a white cloud of frost. "I've never seen him have a panic attack before. Not since we were kids, he had a lot of trouble with bullying, while most kids left me alone because I was quiet. That's- not the points though." He sighs.  
Shibayama furrows his brows at the chosen topic.  
"I know Tsukishima's his boyfriend, but...is it okay to feel jealous that he confided in him and not me? I'm not the jealous type, I never was, but I've known him since we were kids and it bugs me," Kenma continues, running his hand through his very grown-out hair.  
"I think it's okay...but I don't think it's okay to show it to them. I think it was a mutual comfort thing for them because you know Tsukishima is struggling too. You're not any less special to him. I think it's just a matter of what he needed at the moment," Yuuki tried to explain.  
At first, it seemed like they were coming up to a small hill, but he quickly realized that the edges were far too jagged. He paused at the edge, glancing over. He forgot about something. Kenma couldn't see. And he was holding onto his hand.  
One step was all it took.  
Kenma dropped first, his hand only releasing Shibayama's once they'd both gone over the edge out of the instinct to catch himself when he lands.  
He lands on his arm and then his side, hearing his ribs hit the asphalt.  
Yuuki doesn't. He lands on his side and then onto his back, effectively hitting his head.  
He grabs Kenma's hand again. The edges of his vision are dark. He can't move.  
"Your arm is broken, Senpai."  
"Yuuki!" Kozume struggles, but eventually gets himself up on his knees. His arm is soaked in blood, but adrenaline is keeping him together for now. "Yuukiyuukiyuukiyuuki- nononono no…" he's panicking extensively, an impressive display of emotions from him.  
"Hey, calm down. You're fine," Shibayama said softly. Kenma lays back down beside him.  
 _Nobody knows where we went. We left without a word._  
Despite the pain, he turns on his side, just enough to wrap his arm around the neck of his senpai and hold him close to him. Hearing him cry was almost comforting.  
 _Damn. It was just that easy huh?_

"Shibayama! Kenma!"  
All Kenma could think about was how long it took for them to get here. It wasn't really that long, but it felt longer when he was laying on the normal portion of a severely damaged road. It was his fault. They were so close, he could feel that Shiba's pulse was getting weak. He was kind of glad he couldn't see the face he was making.  
"I'm scared…"  
"Don't be…" Kenma mumbled, lifting his uninjured arm and running his hand through the young libero's hair.  
"I'm only Sixteen-"  
"I know-" he could feel the tears starting to choke him.  
"Kenma? Kenma! Shibayama!" Their voices were getting closer.  
"I want to play with everyone again, I'm scared, Kenma, please, I don't wanna die-"  
"You won't...just stay awake…"  
"Holy shit!"  
They were finally here.  
Kenma allows his amber eyes to flutter shut.  
 _I don't know about God or Buddha...or any of that. I was never interested. But I kind of believe in miracles. I don't know how to ask for them, though. Inuoka...tell whatever being is caring for you wherever you are...to make an exception, just this once._  
 _For my sake, yours and everyone else's…_  
"Kenma!" He can tell that it's Kuroo who lefts him because he recognizes his voice and the feel of his arms. And for a whole minute...he's sure that everything around him looks so clear. Kuroo is already in tears. Yamamoto is barely a few feet behind and Yaku is at Yuuki's side. Even though they're scared, he isn't. He's okay with this outcome. He can't feel anything anymore, anyway. Seeing Hinata collapse and scream at the sight of him made his heart hurt though. Or maybe that was just a broken rib.  
A tear falls down his cheek.  
 _Let him play Volleyball one more time...and as many times after that as he wants to._  
 _And don't let him blame himself for something that was 100% my fault. He pulled on my wrist and I wouldn't have fallen if I had stopped walking a split second earlier. If it's not too much to ask, make sure Hinata and Kuroo get over it eventually. Don't let anyone live with that guilt because of me._  
 _Thanks. And-_  
"I'm sorry…"

*--*-*--*

"Hey, Kuroo?" Yamaguchi asked softly, making the ravenette look up. "Do you think...he'll be awake by the time we get back? Ennoshita said he probably has a concussion. I'm just worried that...he'll fall into a coma. Or if by the time we get back he-"  
"Stop talking about it" Tetsuro snapped.  
"Don't be an asshole, Kuroo," Oikawa says. "You're upset. You're grieving, we get it. But don't take it out on us. Nobody is happy about Kenma being gone-"  
"I said stop talking about it!" Kuroo snapped, turning to the brunette, but Yaku reaches up and grabs his arm.  
"Kuroo, stop!" He cries. "Don't do this! It's not going to help! What's hitting Oikawa going to do but make it worse?!" He lets go of him and starts walking on ahead.  
The rest of the group was staying back at their current safe house. They were going on ahead in an attempt to find the military camp. It'd been nearly two days- way longer than it probably should've been. Then they see it. A gate.  
"Finally!" Bokuto cheers, earning a little slap on the back of his head from Kuroo. The ace huffs. "I can be excited, right? Let's go!" Without a second thought, he starts running, Oikawa quickly limping behind him. Yamaguchi hesitates but goes after them. Kuroo and Yaku follow more cautiously.  
A soldier had met the others at the gate upon seeing them run up. A Japanese soldier. Not one of the foreign ones that they'd been seeing a lot of. Did this mean that they were actually close to getting out of here?  
As they had to so many times before they show the worn wristbands with their identities on them.  
"How many are you?"  
"Um- there's five of us here, but there's more of us somewhere else and some of them are really hurt!" Yaku explains.  
The soldier mumbles something into his radio, pausing for a response before the gate then clicks, opening up for them. His heart raced with anticipation. Were they...really close to salvation?  
"Toru…?"  
Kuroo turns around to find Iwaizumi in a dark hoodie and loose jeans. He looks startled. Last time he'd seen Oikawa, he was fighting against infection and barely alive. Now he was up being his nearly usual self.  
"Iwa-chan!" The setter shrieks, dropping his bag and running despite his limp. Iwaizumi is shorter than him, but lifts him up despite it. Oikawa holds onto him tightly, quickly bursting into tears.  
"God your dumbass is alive-"  
"Of course I am! I'm not going anywhere without my Iwa-chan!"  
Kuroo chuckled softly. Yaku is smiling beside him, but Bokuto is frowning, probably looking for Akaashi. His desire is fulfilled.  
"Kuroo-san? Yaku?" A soft voice calls to them gently, making the Nekoma boys turn quickly. Before them stands a girl with fluffy brown hair in an outfit similar to Iwaizumi’s and the black-haired male beside her.  
"Akane!" Yaku says cheerfully at the sight of Yamamoto's little sister.  
"Bokuto," Akaashi says in a soft, fond voice. He doesn't run but quickly walks over to Fukurodani's ace, gently holding his face in his hands. Bokuto is wide-eyed and surprised but soon smiles. "Akaashi…"  
"Yeah…" he hugs him.  
"Alright," Iwaizumi speaks up "I'm going to take Oikawa to get the others, how does that sound? Akaashi, do you mind coming with Bokuto?" He's calm and collected as usual, even with Toru now clinging to him.  
"If you don't mind me asking, how did you guys end up helping the military?" Kuroo asked.  
"It was pretty simple, actually. We were lucky enough to avoid the foreign group and we're picked up by soldiers. With the sudden attacks, they needed more help. So here we are. Now, let's go."

*--*-*--*

Akane took them to a small room with three sets of bunk beds. They were told that they wouldn't have a private room once they were settled, but since they knew Iwa and Akaashi, they had this temporary privilege.  
Kuroo sat on the bed, holding his head in his hands. And all he could do was scream. Kenma….Kenma...why Kenma? Why did he have to fall? Why did Yuuki live? Why couldn't Shibayama die? "Shibayama should've died!"  
"We know!" Yamaguchi snapped, shocking him. "His injuries...should have killed him. Kenma seemed like he should have lived. It was just a trick of fate, I guess. But it's not fair to blame Shibayama. I bet he already feels like shit about it, please don't get mad at him. At least let him get better before trying to talk about it," Tadashi said softly.  
Kuroo sighs. He was right. It was just a difficult thing to think about. He'd known him for so long and now he was just...gone.  
"Kuroo-san," Akane calls into the room softly. "There's something...someone I want you guys to see," she says. Kuroo stands up, looking behind her to see that his other teammates lingering behind her. Even though he didn't feel like doing anything he got up anyway, following her. The others look just as confused as he does.  
Akane leads them into a larger room, full of other people, most completely unfamiliar. The first he spots is a peculiar snake-like teen who was bouncing around with more energy than Kuroo thought Daishou could even possess outside of volleyball.  
The guy in question waves at them, winking tauntingly at Kuroo who rolls his eyes at the stupid snake's antics.  
Then there's the other.  
Yaku draws in a sharp breath. Despite the fact that he was still having trouble with his legs, he breaks into a sprint and jumps.  
"LEV!" He latches onto the tall first year who surprisingly catches him.  
Kuroo runs up behind him, wrapping his arms around them both, Yamamoto and Akane coming up on the other side.  
"Where's everyone else?" The first year asks, beaming with the brightest smile they'd seen for months. Kuroo's smile falters.  
"Shibayama is really hurt, but Kenma is...Kenma is gone."  
"Gone? What do you mean?" He asked. Everyone else backs off except for Yaku who's in his arms.  
"Dead, Lev" Yamamoto says calmly. The silverette's eyes go wide. He holds Yaku tighter. Everyone probably thought he was going to cry right off the bat. But he doesn't. He just seems...lost.  
"Hey,"  
Kuroo jumps, turning around fast to find that the snake man is right behind him. "What? No girlfriend?" He asks bitterly.  
Suguru frowns, his expression turning sour. He shakes his head. Someone elbows Kuroo in the side, but he doesn't look to see who. That was shitty of him, huh?  
"Nevermind…" Nohebi's captain turns around and storms off, rubbing furiously at his eyes.  
"Was that it?"  
"Shut the fuck up!"  
"Daishou!" Akane hissed, a sharp warning to the older. Despite her warning, he storms back over. First Kuroo said something stupid regarding his girlfriend and now he was just being an asshole. Kuroo knew it was his fault, but Akane steps in the way.  
"Go back to the school, Shou! Please, we don't need any trouble. Just go," the brunette waves her arms in front of the taller guy who finally leaves in a huff.  
"Kuroo, what are you being so confrontational for? Daishou wasn't going to do anything to you! You were on good terms with him until now! What's wrong with you?!" Akane now turns to him.  
He sighs heavily. He needed to chill out. But he was angry. Just so...angry and upset. How else was he supposed to feel or act? He didn't hate anyone...definitely not him. He just…he didn't even know.  
He just wanted his kitten back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was fun to write im not gonna lie. For the first time ever I got a bit sad writing Kenma's death. But reunions! yaaay? Maybe.  
> I've also officially posted Hiraeth, a natural disaster apocalypse fic inspired by Japan Sinks 2020 so check it out.
> 
> An another note, I was thinking about making a comic out of this fic. What would you think of that? I would probably post it on Webtoon. Just...lemme know. See ya next update, it's ✨saucy✨


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